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Bad Combinations: Sharp Knives And Dull Minds

, , , | Right | June 19, 2009

Customer: “I’d like to return these knives.”

Me: “Okay, was there anything wrong with them at all?”

Customer: “Well, they were very sharp and my wife cut herself.”

Me: “Sir, knives are usually sharp. Unfortunately, because you’ve used them there is nothing I can do.”

Customer: “But they were extremely sharp! We were hoping to find a set that wasn’t so… sharp?”

Me: “So you’re looking for a set of dull knives?”

Customer: “Yes, do you have any that are duller than this?”

Me: “No… Have a nice day!”

Honesty Against The Best Policies

, , , , | Right | June 18, 2009

(We have a five-item max policy for our changing rooms. One lady walks out with arms full of stuff, then goes back for more.)

Me: “Excuse me, it’s only five items in the changing rooms.”

Customer: “Well, it’s never been that before.”

Me: “Actually, we’ve been enforcing it for the last 18 months. See, there’s a sign.” *points at a sign on the wall*

Customer: “I don’t actually read signs.”

Me: “Well, at least you’ll know for next time.”

Customer: “Oh, I won’t read it next time, either.”


This story is part of the Customers-Ignoring-Signs roundup!

Read the next Customers-Ignoring-Signs roundup story!

Read the Customers-Ignoring-Signs roundup!

Two For The Price Of Dumb

, , , , | Right | June 17, 2009

Customer: “I saw this same cord at [Competitor] for $15. Why is it $20 here?”

Me: “I don’t know, maybe they’re having a sale? I don’t set the prices.”

Customer: “Well, will you price match?”

Me: “If you can provide documentation, sure, I’ll do it.”

Customer: “So if I bring in the receipt that shows $15 at [Competitor], I can get it here for $15?”

Me: “…so you want to go to [Competitor], buy it for $15, and then come here to buy it again so that we can match their price?”

Customer: “Yes. Will you match that?”

Me: “Sure, why not?”

Always Right, Even When Making A Nation Of 130 Million Vanish

, , , | Right | June 17, 2009

Caller: “I need a provider who can speak Spanish.”

Coworker: “Okay, we can find one for you.”

Caller: “Really? What if I wanted a provider who spoke Japanese?”

Coworker: “No problem, we have those.”

Caller: “Really? You have providers who speak Japanese?”

Coworker: “Yes.”

Caller: “But Japanese don’t exist!”


This story is part of our Japan roundup!

Read the next Japan roundup story!

Read the Japan roundup!

Stop The Presses

, , , | Right | June 16, 2009

(I am working on the theater’s ticket-selling system. It prints every ticket using a thermal printer, on paper that gets black in spots where it is heated. A customer comes in with a completely black ticket.)

Customer: “I want this ticket replaced! What kind of tickets do you sell?! I can’t see anything on it!”

Me: “I’m sure we didn’t give you this ticket in this poor state. What happened to it?”

Customer: “It got all bent in my purse and looked ugly, so I ironed it.”

Me: “But ma’am, this ticket is printed on a thermal paper. It gets black when heated, so–”

Customer: “You should’ve warned me that I can’t iron the ticket!”