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Ocean’s Negative Seven

, , , , , | Right | June 8, 2008

(A woman walks up to my blackjack table, and sits down without putting any money up for her bet. I assume she’s waiting for the end of the shoe.)

Woman: “How come I didn’t get a hand?”

Me: “I’m sorry, you didn’t have your bet up when the cards came out. I’ll get you on the next.”

(When I get ready to deal the next, I tap the bet box in front of her.)

Me: “You comin’ in?”

Woman: “Yes.”

Me: “It’s a fifteen-dollar table.”

Woman: “What?”

Me: “Table minimum is fifteen.”

Woman: “I have to pay to play?”

Me: “Well, if you win, I’ll give you fifteen more and you get to keep all of it.”

Woman: “What happens if I don’t win?”

Me: “At that point it becomes the casino’s money.”

Woman: “That’s stealing!”

Me: “No, that’s gambling.”

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Impersonating Your Boss: FAIL

, , , | Right | June 6, 2008

Woman: “I am speaking on behalf of my boss. He wants a tax statement… What do I need to do?”

Me: “You need to put your boss on the phone so I can talk to him about this.”

Woman: “No. ”

Me: “Sorry?”

Woman: “He has given me verbal consent to speak on his behalf.”

Me: “Well, unfortunately, I won’t be able to do that. I will need to speak to your boss directly.”

Woman: “Why?”

Me: “Because I need to do a security check with him to protect his privacy.”

Woman: “What privacy?”

Me: “His personal information.”

Woman: “He refuses to deal with you himself.”

Me: “Unfortunately he will HAVE to deal with us himself for us to organise this statement for him. Verbal consent is not valid as we hold very private information about our clients.”

Woman: *deepens voice, obviously attempting to sound like a man* “Okay then, my name is [Boss], I was born on [birthdate], and this is my card.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. I know that you are not your boss. We do need to speak to Mr. [Boss] himself. Is there anything else I can help with?”

Woman: “F*** YOU!”

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Me Customer, Me Hungry

, , , , | Right | June 4, 2008

(A new delivery driver mistakenly delivered the wrong pizza. This is the phone call I got about it, as the manager on duty.)

Customer: “Hi, I ordered a pizza from you guys a while ago, and they delivered the wrong one.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry! What was your order?”

Customer: “Mushrooms and green onions… the one we got had sausage. We can’t eat sausage! We’re vegetarians!”

Me: “Okay, do you still have the pizza? We can come by and switch them for you.”

Customer: “No, we ate it.”

Me: “You ate it?”

Customer: “Yes! Now, I’d like to get my money back. It was the wrong pizza.”

Me: “So… you want me to give you your money back… for a pizza you already ate.”

Customer: “Well we didn’t LOOK at it, we just ate it.”

(Eventually, we settled the deal by giving the customer some in-store credit. Who doesn’t look at a pizza before they start shoveling it into their mouths?)


This story is part of our Vegetarian roundup!

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Tech Support, How I Miss Thee

, , , | Right | June 3, 2008

(Preface: One of our business’ locations lost power. I first spent an hour on the phone…)

Me: “Your power went out? Did you shut down the computers or did they shut down on their own?”

Them: “They just shut down, and now they won’t come up!”

Me: “So you have power now? Are your TVs and radios playing?”

Them: “Yes!”

Me: “What I want you to do is go to the computer and find the power cord.”

Them: “Okay, got it.”

Me: “Trace it to the battery backup. You will find it plugged into the back of it.”

Them: “Okay, found it.”

Me: “Plug it into a receptacle other than the battery backup. Plug it into the wall receptacle.”

Them: “Okay, done.”

Me: “Now try to power the computer up.”

Them: “Nothing.”

Me: “There may have been a breaker that tripped. Do you know your way around your fusebox?”

Them: “Yes.”

Me: “Go look at it and see if anything is tripped. If so, reset it, okay?”

Them: “Okay, hold on…”

(After a few moments…)

Them: “Nothing’s tripped and I have customers needing to make payments!”

Me: “Okay, I will be there in a couple of hours.”

(After a two-hour trip, I arrived with a new computer in my backseat. The first thing I looked at is the backup power supply. The problem? The computer was still plugged into the backup, but even better: they plugged the backup power supply into itself. Two-hour trip, one-minute solution.)


This story is part of the Problems That Resolve Themselves roundup!

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I’m So Smrt, I Dn’t Hve To Raed

, , , , | Right | June 2, 2008

(A library patron comes to the desk with her laptop.)

Patron: “I’m having problems getting on the Internet.”

Me: “Well, if you’re connecting wirelessly, you need to log on to our network with your email address–”

Patron: “I know that! I’m not stupid. I put in my email and password and it won’t connect me!”

Me: “Okay, why don’t you try and log in here, and I’ll see if I can help.”

Patron: *logs on* “See! I enter everything and then it says Not Connecting You To The Internet. It’s been doing this for the past half hour… I keep closing it and trying again!”

Me: “Uh, that says Now Connecting You To The Internet…”

Patron: “No it doesn’t! It says Not Connecting You To The Internet!”

Me: “What’s that word?”

Patron:Now!”

Me: “And the others?”

Patron:Connecting You To The… erm. I have to go now.”


This story is part of the Refusing To Read roundup!

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