Psst… The Sun Gives You Cancer, Too

, , , | Right | November 16, 2007

(I begin to ring up a customer’s purchases at the register.)

Customer: “Wait! When you ring up the bagged bulk items, don’t put them on the part the laser shines through. Weigh them on the metal, please.”

Me: “Is it a problem if I scan everything else?”

Customer: “No, it’s just that the bags are clear and the laser gives you cancer.”

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Captain Obvious To The Rescue

, , | Right | November 16, 2007

Me: “Hello, welcome to [Sandwich Shop]. What kind of sandwich can I get for you?”

Customer: “Uhh… I’ll get a club.”

Me: “Would you like a six-inch or a footlong?”

Customer: “I don’t know. How long is a footlong?”

Me: “It’s a FOOT LONG.”

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Someone Needs To Get Out More

, , , , | Right | November 14, 2007

Me: “Emergency veterinary clinic, how can I help you?”

Caller: *worried female voice* “My dog has a red thing on him.”

Me: “Is it actively bleeding?”

Caller: “No.”

Me: “Where is it located?”

Caller: “On his tummy.”

Me: “Can you describe it to me? How large is it? Does it look more like a cut, a rash, or an abrasion?”

Caller: “It looks like a little stick of lipstick.”

Me: “That’s his penis.”

Caller: *hangs up*


This story is part of our Take Your Dog To The Vet roundup!

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Damaged Goods, And We’re Not Talking Groceries

, , , | Right | November 12, 2007

(A coworker is bagging groceries as I ring them up)

Customer: *to my coworker* “Wait! Don’t pack them like that! Honestly, it’s as if no one understands how to pack bags anymore!”

Coworker: *looking down at a loaf of bread on top of some grapefruits in a paper bag* “How do you want them packed?”

Customer: “Clearly the bread needs to go on the bottom! I don’t want the grapefruits to get damaged; they’re fragile!”

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Actually, You Look More Like A C-Cup

, | Right | November 11, 2007

Customer: *looking at batteries* “My friend asked me to pick her up some D batteries, but I’m not sure which ones to get.”

(Customer holds up a package with 10 D batteries in it and a package with 12 D batteries in it.)

Customer: “What’s the difference between 10D and 12D? I don’t want to get the wrong ones.”

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