Those Darned Post-Its Of Death

, , | Right | December 18, 2007

User: “My computer’s not working properly. It stopped working when you were up here doing whatever you were doing, so you need to fix it.”

Tech Support Engineer: “I was upstairs writing down names. I wrote your name on a Post-It note. I’m not sure how that broke your computer.”

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Captain Obvious Strikes Back

, , | Right | December 17, 2007

Customer: “Yes, how much is your ‘four dollar car wash?'”

Me: “It’s four dollars, ma’am.”

 

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Today, All My Questions Shall Be Stupid

, , | Right | December 17, 2007

Customer: “What size is this rug?”

Me: *reading label* “54” x 72″.”

Customer: “So how big is that?”

Me: “In centimetres? It’s…”

Customer: “No, in inches.”

Me: “It’s 54 inches x 72 inches.”

Customer: “OK. And what colour is it?”

Me: “Lilac.”

Customer: “Right… and would it look good in my lounge?”

Me: “I don’t know… I’ve never seen your lounge.”

Customer: “No, I guess you haven’t. Do you think I have room for it?”

Me: “…”

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A Good Time To Excuse Yourself

, , | Right | December 15, 2007

(I and others overhear this conversation between an employee and a customer.)

Employee: “Hello, how may I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I would like to return this.” (Heaves a large propane tank, the kind used for barbecue grills, onto the counter.)

Employee: “Why?”

Customer: “It’s leaking.”

(At this point, all within earshot — four managers, the employee, three other employees, I, and two other customers — slowly turned our heads towards the leaking tank, careful not to make any sudden movements.)

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The IQ Is Weak In This One

, , | Right | December 14, 2007

Me: “Congratulations! Because you’ve spent over $30 on our beauty products you can receive a complimentary tote bag. Would you like it in black or brown?”

Customer: “What’s a tote bag?”

Me: *holds up bag* “It’s a bag. Rather large… You can put things in it. It comes in black or brown.”

Customer: “Oh, well, that’s nifty, isn’t it?”

Me: “Yes, it is, ma’am. Would you like it in black or brown?”

Customer: “How much does that cost?”

Me: “Normally, $14.99, but yours is complimentary because you spent over $30 on beauty products.”

Customer: “Oh, I wouldn’t pay $15 for that!”

Me: “You don’t have to pay for it.”

Customer: “Why not?”

(Other customers are beginning to become aggravated by this woman’s stupidity so I call up another cashier.)

Me: “…because it’s complimentary.”

Customer: “Oh, why’d you call up [Coworker]?”

Me: “Because the other customers are waiting.”

Customer: “Waiting for what?”

Me: “Waiting to pay for their items. Now, would you like your free bag or not?”

Customer: “I don’t like your tone, young lady!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. I’m just a little late for my break. Now, would you like your FREE tote bag?”

Customer: “Oh, it’s free?”

(This exchange went on for about ten more minutes, as the woman had to go through about five different cards until she found one she could use… making me fifteen minutes late for my fifteen minute break. Rest assured, she eventually learned the meaning of complimentary.)

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