(I work at a zoo, specifically running an “encounter” where guests can feed the giraffes. It’s a very common type of attraction at various zoos throughout the country. A young woman comes up to me with a question.)

Guest: “Hi. So, you know those signs on the exhibits saying whether the animal is endangered or not?”

Me: “Yes?”

Guest: “Where is the one for the giraffes?”

Me: “It’s down on the other side of the exhibit. It’s that sign there, but I can just tell you if you’d like.”

Guest: “Oh, no, thank you. I just need a picture of the sign. My best friend thinks giraffes are extinct.”

Me: “You could probably take a picture of yourself with the actual giraffes, too, I suppose.”

(We’ve just finished a long day of rehearsal and the coordinator is giving us some final reminders for the next day.)

Coordinator: “Make sure you remember to bring… Wait, is that a phone I hear?”

(Sure enough, we can hear a phone ringing and vibrating. An actor raises his hand, slightly embarrassed.)

Actor: “Um, yes, sorry, it’s mine. Should I hang up?”

(The coordinator thinks he’s joking and laughs.)

Coordinator: *sarcastically* “Oh, no, don’t worry. Answer it; we’ll wait for you.”

Actor: “Oh, all right!” *answers his phone and starts talking*

(The coordinator is left with a wild look on her face and some crew members start chuckling. The actor, however, keeps talking on the phone, completely oblivious. When we realize this, the laughter stops.)

Actor: “Yeah, I know… Uh… Hey, I think I’ll call you later; everyone’s staring at me.”

(I work in a sandwich shop, and a customer approaches my register after ordering.)

Me: “Hi, what did you have today?”

Male Customer: “We had three sandwiches, one large veggie… and a small one… and…”

Me: “All right.”

(I turn to look at the sandwiches being made. I notice that he’s with a woman who is still getting her sandwiches finished, so I take a look and ring up what I see.)

Me: “Looks like a large veggie, a small one, and a large special veggie?”

Male Customer: “Uh…”

(He looks at his bags, at the woman, and at my employee making his sandwich, and seems generally disorganized and unsure. The woman walks over.)

Female Customer: “Hi, we actually had three small veggies.”

Me: “I’m sorry, all of them were small?”

Female Customer: “Yes.”

(She’s nodding and smiling, but the man is looking as confused as ever. He talks to her in a foreign language for a few moments.)

Male Customer: “So, one large veggie and two small veggies.”

(The woman yells at him in the other language.)

Female Customer: “They were all small.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but that one there is a large one and the one she has over there is large.”

(The woman picks up the obviously large sandwich and looks at it as if she’s just now realizing it’s visibly larger.)

Me: “If you wanted small ones, I can have them remade for you.”

Female Customer: “No, okay, we had one large and two small ones.”

(The man pipes up and they begin arguing in their language again.)

Me: “[Employee], what sandwiches did you make for these two customers?”

Employee: “They had two large special veggies with chicken and a small veggie.”

Me: “All right, folks, I guess that about settles that one. Your total is [price].”

(The woman was very visibly upset and yelled at the man in their language again, but he looked at me and apologized. The price difference from what she was trying to convince me they had was almost $10.)

(A little over six months ago now, the cellular company for which I do customer service initiated a courtesy text message program where customers would be sent a free text when they reached certain percentages of their minute/text message allowance — they had already been doing it for data allowances for some time. I cannot tell you how many times since then I have had this conversation.)

Caller: “I got a text from you that says I’ve used fifty percent of my minutes. What does that mean?”

Me: “Well, it means you’ve run through half of your minute allowance. There should also be a date in the text message telling you when your minutes reset.”

Caller: “Yeah, it says tomorrow.”

Me: “Since you’re that close to your cycle date, and you’ve only just now hit fifty percent, I’d say you’re in good shape.”

Caller: “Okay, thanks!”

(I guess some people just need to call us and confirm whether they need to panic or not.)

(I’m on holiday but staying at a friend’s home so I’m buying groceries. This is before the US starts charging for plastic bags and I don’t know that, so, as usual, I bring my own shopping bag and put it down neatly folded behind my groceries.)

Cashier: *grabs bag and starts flipping it over and over* “Where’s the barcode?”

Me: ”That’s already mine; I’m not buying it.”

Cashier: *puts it down and continues to ring up my items*

Bagger: *grabs a plastic bag and starts bagging my groceries*

Me: “Wait, no. I already have a bag.” *moves shopping bag in front of him*

Bagger: *picks up my bag, stares at it, and sets it back down, continuing to bag in plastic bags*

Me: “No, I’m not paying for the plastic bags!”

Cashier: “Pay? They’re free.”

Me: “Oh! Okay… I see. Where I’m from, they’ve been charging for plastic bags for years so I use reusable bags like these.” *nudges my bag* “My shopping goes in here, not the plastic bags.”

(The bagger stares at my bag, stares at the shopping he already put in the plastic bag, and then picks up my bag and starts handing it to the cashier.)

Cashier: *takes it and looks at me questioningly*

Me: “Oh, never mind. I’ll just bag it myself.” *takes my bag and starts removing the groceries from the plastic bag*

Bagger: *holds his hands out, confused, and stares at me*

Cashier: *continues to ring up the rest of my groceries*

Bagger: *attempts to hand me plastic bags*

(In future shopping trips, I just immediately start off by saying that the shopping goes in my bag and not the plastic bags, with no issues.)