Believe Me, She’ll Be Back

, , | Right | February 10, 2008

(I am working for the electronics department for a well known retail chain when I was contacted by the customer service desk.)

Customer Service: “A woman is headed your way who’s exchanging a phone, can you give her a hand?”

Me: “Sure.”

(Sure enough, a minute or two later, the woman appears.)

Woman: “I’m here to get a new phone. The phone I bought had been used already; there were phone numbers in the caller ID.”

Me: “Alright, let’s get you a new one.”

(I walk her to the phone aisle and we pick up another phone of the same make/model.)

Woman: “Can you open it? I just want to make sure that it is brand new.”

Me: “Sure.”

(I proceed to open the box and pull out the phone.)

Woman: “That one’s been used too! Look at the numbers on the caller ID!”

(I now realize that she’s referring to the display sticker.)

Me: “No, that’s just a sticker they put on the phone to show that it has caller ID.”

Woman: “No, that phone has been used!”

(I then peel the sticker off the phone. Without saying another word, she takes the phone over to customer service to finish the exchange.)

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And This Was Before He Got Drunk

, , , | Right | February 10, 2008

Customer: *looking directly at the draught* “What have you got on tap?”

Me: “We have Stella, Staropramen, Becks Vier, Leffe, Hoegaarden, Franziskaner and Guiness on tap, sir.”

Customer: *sighs* “Have you got Carling?”

Me: “I’m afraid not, sir…”

(I run through everything on tap again, slightly slower, and clearer this time.)

Customer: “No Budweiser?”

Me: “I’m afraid not, sir…”

(Again I list everything on draught.)

Customer: “Oh, I suppose I’ll just have a Kronenberg then.”

Me: “I’m afraid we don’t stock that product, sir.”

Customer: “Sorry, I meant a Fosters.”

Me: *deep breath* “I apologise once again sir, but we don’t serve Fosters. We only serve…”

(I run through the draught again.)

Customer: “Okay, okay…bloody h***, I’m not stupid you know!”

Me: “I apologize if I offended you, sir.”

Customer: “I should think so. Pint of Worthingtons then.”

Me: “…” *deep breath* “Tom! Your customer!”

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Prime Rib With A Side Of Sadomasochism

, | Right | February 8, 2008

(As I serve an order of prime rib with a side of mushrooms…)

Customer: “Ohhh, eww!”

Me: “Is there a problem, ma’am?”

Customer: “Not really, I just don’t like mushrooms.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I thought you ordered the mushrooms.”

Customer: “Oh, I did. But I just don’t like mushrooms.”

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And Whose Fault Is That?

, , | Right | February 6, 2008

Me: “Welcome to [Magazine]. How can I help you?

Customer: “Hi, we just got a bill for an ad in your fall issue and I thought we had already paid and our contract was over.”

Me: “Let me get the insertion order.”

(I get the order.)

Me: “It says here you’ve signed up for a full-year contract, including our fall and winter issues.”

Customer: “But we’re not even open in the fall or the winter.”

Me: “But you signed for the contract.”

Customer: “Well, I didn’t read what I was signing…”

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Easily Puzzled

, , | Right | February 5, 2008

Me: “[Frame Shop], how can I help you?”

Lady: “Hi. I have a problem with a mat I ordered.”

Me: “What is the problem?”

Lady: “Well, I wanted the mat to fit over a puzzle and on the puzzle box it says it is supposed to be 20″ by 28″, so that is what we ordered.”

Me: “Okay.”

Lady: “But I am putting the puzzle together and it is only 20″ by 23″.”

Me: “Well, if there is a problem I can always re-order the mat for you…”

Lady: “But the puzzle is supposed to be 20″ by 28″! Now it won’t fit in the frame I bought from you!”

Me: “Do you have the puzzle all put together?”

Lady: “No, not yet.”

Me: “…then how did you measure it?”

Lady: “I measured the edges!”

Me: “Are there any pieces with flat sides left?”

Lady: “Yes, but they don’t fit.”

Me: “Hmm, I see….”

(I spend the next fifteen minutes trying to explain to the customer that all of the flat pieces belong on the edges of the puzzle, without offending her or snickering.)

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