Simple Coke For Simple Folk

, | Right | August 8, 2008

Customer: “Excuse me, miss, but what is in your blackcurrant tea?”

Me: “Oh, it’s just blackcurrant tea.”

Customer: “But what’s in it?”

Me: “Dried blackcurrant tea leaves.”

Customer: “But what’s in it?”

Me: “Black. Currant. Tea.”

Customer: “But you aren’t telling me what’s in it!”

Me: “Ma’am, the tea distributors pluck leaves from a blackcurrant plant. Then, they dry them out, and package them. Then, we pour hot water over the tea leaves, which infuses the hot water with the flavor of the tea.”

Customer: “But what’s in it?”

(My boss comes over.)

Boss: “Ma’am, would you like a Coke?”

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Nothing Ventured, Nothing Gained

, , , | Right | August 7, 2008

Caller: “I have an explanation of insurance benefits I need help with. There’s a charge on here you didn’t pay for.”

Me: “It states here the billed amount is $0.00.”

Caller: “Yes. Why didn’t you pay anything on it?”

Me: “Well, there was no charge.”

Caller: “But you’re my insurance! You are supposed to pay.”

Me: “Ma’am, the doctor did not charge for this service. There was no amount billed.”

Caller: “So I have to pay the doctor?”

Me: “No, ma’am… he charged zero dollars. It was free.”

Caller: “I don’t see why I pay for insurance if you’re not going to pay.”

Me: “We gave the doctor what he asked for.”

Caller: “So you’re going to pay him?”

Me: *sigh* “Yes, ma’am. We’ll take care of this, and make sure you’re not charged.”

Caller: “Ha! I told my husband if I called and argued with you, you’d cave!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. We do want to make you happy. Have a good day, now…”

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When Quacks Attack

, , , , | Right | August 6, 2008

(I worked at a zoo next to a nature trail through some wetlands. It’s not part of the zoo, just a good view.)

Them: “Hey, we just love that walking trail.”

Me: “That’s great.”

Them: “Yeah, but I was wondering. How do you keep the animals in place?”

Me: “Well, we have cages for that.”

Them: “No, out there, on the trail.”

Me: “Those are wild animals, ma’am.”

Them: “Really? But they were sitting so nicely!”

Me: “Ducks tend to do that.”

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Somebody Plays The Fool, Everytime

, , , | Right | August 5, 2008

(Our phone number is one digit off from a doctor’s office, so we get calls for them all the time.)

Me: “Hello?”

Lady: “Is this Dr. [Name]’s office?”

Me: “No, ma’am. I’m sorry, but you have the wrong number.”

Lady: “That’s impossible! Oh, wait, I know what this is… This is some kind of April Fools’ joke!”

Me: “No, ma’am. I can assure you that it is not.”

Lady: “Yeah, uh huh. You’re good, but I would like to make an appointment and I will not take no for an answer.”

Me: *sigh* “How is three-thirty?”

Lady: “Wonderful! See you scamps then.” *click*

Me: *to my mom* “She told me I was playing an April Fools’ joke on her… in July.”

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America’s Debt Crisis, Explained

, , | Right | August 4, 2008

Me: “Thank you for calling cardholder service. How may I help you?”

Customer: “You sent me a bill. Why?”

Me: “May I please have your card number?”

Customer: “I threw it away when the balance was gone.”

Me: “Um… can I have your Social Security number?”

Customer: *gives number*

Me: “I show your current balance is $10,027.31, due on [upcoming date]. Would you like to make a payment today so you do not get a late fee?”

Customer: “What do you mean? Why did you send me a bill?”

Me: “Sir, because you purchased those items you are required to repay the account.”

Customer: “No. You gave me the money, so I spent it.”

Me: “A credit card is a short term loan. You are required to pay it back.”

Customer: “No, I’m not!” *click*

(This is the third call like this in the past month.)

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