I work in a paint store. My manager and I are the only ones working this particular day and he is tied up with a customer. Another customer, an older gentleman, walks in and I greet him.

Me:
“Hi there! Anything I can help you find?”

Customer:
“Hi there, miss! I need your absolute best synthetic motor oil.”

Me:
“I’m sorry, sir. This is a paint store. I think you meant to go to the auto parts store a building over.”

Customer:
“Oh. Okay.”

He takes a few steps back and just stands there. My manager finishes up with his customer and the man approaches him.

Customer:
“Hi. I need your absolute best synthetic motor oil.”

Manager:
“You want the auto parts place next door. We don’t sell oil here.”

Customer:
“Okay.”

He stands there a minute looking around and we can see the moment it hits him.

Customer:
“Oh! I’m in the wrong place! Y’all sell paint!” *Gestures towards me* “No wonder she didn’t know how to help me!”

He left the store and my manager and I shared a good laugh.

A customer has just placed a large stack of items on the checkout counter.

Customer:
“Do you take checks?”

Cashier:
“I’m sorry, ma’am, no checks. We do take debit cards, though.”

Customer:
“I don’t have a debit card. Can you hold these for me while I go find my sister so I can use hers?”

Cashier:
“Sure, no problem.”

The customer and her sister return a few minutes later.

Customer:
*To her sister* “Can you pay for these with your card and then I’ll write you a check for the total?”

Customer’s Sister:
“Okay.”

The customer’s sister hands her card to the cashier.

Customer:
“You know what? Here, I’ll just give you cash for however much you put on your card.”

Customer’s Sister:
“You had cash? Why did you make me come into the store? You could have just bought the clothes yourself with the cash!”

Customer:
“Oh, yeah. I didn’t think of that. I guess that would be easier, huh?”

The customer paid with cash and left the store but then drove off without remembering to close the trunk of the car. Halfway across the parking lot, the car stopped, and the sister got out and closed the trunk, shaking her head. I hope they got home safely!

When I am young and naive and don’t know about magazine subscriptions, I stop by my favorite bookstore to pick up a fantasy magazine that is issued six times a year.  

On one particular day, I stop in and search for the magazine. No dice. I check to make sure that copies haven’t moved themselves to another part of the shelving unit — which is how I found it last time, stuck in the Women’s Magazine section.

There are no copies left and I check with a salesperson to see if there are any on order or if they have sold out.

Salesperson:
“Oh, that magazine. Yeah. Everyone is always asking for it. We get a dozen copies in and only a dozen because no one ever buys it.”

Me:
“I buy it. And whenever I come in to purchase it, there’s usually only two or three copies left.”

Salesperson:
“Yeah. We only get a few copies in because no one buys it.”

Me:
“But if you buy twelve copies and they sell out, and more people come in asking for it, then someone must be buying it.”

Salesperson:
“No. No one buys it so we only get in a few copies.”  

We went around on this two or three times. She simply could not see that if the magazine was selling out and people were requesting it after it sold out, people clearly wanted to buy it.

After this, a friend told me, “Doofus, just get a subscription.”

So I did.

Me:
“Have you got a quote for the carpet to be replaced yet?”

Coworker:
“No! I have been calling carpenters all week, but none of them have gotten back to me.”

Me:
“You mean carpet layers, right?”

Coworker:
“What’s the difference?”

I facepalmed. Sure enough, she had been emailing carpenters all week trying to get a quote to install carpet.

I work the evening shift at a hotel in the housekeeping department. I generally run around with towels, shampoo, etc., for guests. This evening, I get a call from the reception saying that some guests can’t get the bathroom lights turned on. I knock on the guest’s door.

Guest:
“Finally! It’s broken! I’ve tried everything, and I can’t get the lights to work!”

Me:
“Okay, may I come in and have a look?”

Guest:
“Come on, come on.”

We use a card in a main switch by the door which turns everything on. The card is in the switch and other lights are on in the room. 

Me:
“You’ve tried the light switch, yeah? Is it broken?”

Guest:
“What light switch? I already put the card in the door; what else could it be?!”

Me:
“Umm, there’s a light switch just there.”

I point towards the light switch.

Guest: “Where?!”
I lean forward with my arm raised out straight. The guest is standing not two centimetres from the switch and I lean forward and turn it on. The light in the bathroom comes on. 

Me:
“This switch.”

Guest:
*Clearly embarrassed* “Well, they should mark them better! You can leave now!”

It was the only switch on the wall in the entire room.