Depth Perception Strikes Again, Part 2

, , , , | Right | January 21, 2008

(The following took place outside a small dentist’s office. The client requested an electric sign that that was a full-color copy of their business card, it took four weeks to fabricate and cost $3500.)

Dentist’s Wife: “Wow, that turned out JUST perfect! My husband is going to be so pleased to see that up when he gets back.”

Me: “I’m glad you like it, we’re very happy how it all came together.”

(A crane truck and two installers hoist the sign in the air, attach it to the 16′ pole and turn the lighting on.)

Dentist’s Wife: “Oh wait, that’s… that’s not right, you need to take it down now, I don’t believe this!! I want our money back!”

Me: “Ma’am? What’s wrong?”

Dentist’s Wife: “Well look at it, will you? It’s not right, it’s not the same as our card.”

Me: *pulling out my paperwork* “Now ma’am, both you and your husband approved the design, you signed off on the comps, the shop drawings, the contracts and all the permitting. We just can’t be expected to–”

Dentist’s Wife: “Any fool can see that these do not look the same! Oh, my husband is going to be so mad with you people!”

Me: “But why? We’ve worked closely with you on every step of the approval process, they are identical in every way.”

Dentist’s Wife: “Just look at this and you can see how different they are!”

(She holds the business card up at arm’s length and closes one eye.)

Dentist’s Wife: “Look! Look! The sign… the sign, it’s just so much… bigger!”

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Ask And Ye Shall Receive

, , , , | Right | January 19, 2008

(It’s December 24th, the last day for Christmas shopping.)

Customer: “Do you have a Nintendo Wii?”

Me: “No, sir, unfortunately we are all sold out.”

Customer: “Why?”

Me: “It’s just pretty much the top holiday item, sir, and we have been selling out of the Wiis non-stop since last November.”

Customer: “When do you get them in?”

Me: “I don’t know. Not until after February, probably.”

Customer: “D**n it! I have kids, you know! Show some sympathy!”

Me: “So do probably 70 of the 100 people in line behind you, sir. Now, is there anything else I can help you with?”

Customer: “What if I slip you a $20?”

Me: “What about, no.”

Customer: *obviously thinking I’m stupid* “Well, sell me the box you have right there up on the corner of your shelf, you liar!”

Me: “I can’t sell it to you, but I guess I could give it to you for free if it makes you feel better. There’s nothing in there, by the way…”

(Customer apparently completely ignores that last line.)

Customer: “H***, YEAH! I GOT MYSELF A WII! HAHAHAHAHA! MERRY CHRISTMAS, SUCKERS!”

(Crowd stands with death glares fixated on me and the guy.)

Me: *hands him the box* “Merry Christmas… Next person, please.”

Customer: “WHAT THE F***?! GOD D***! S***! There’s nothing in this d*** box!”

Next Customer: “That’s because he said that was just a display box. He gave it to you just so you could be happy and you accepted it, moron!”

(The crowd of customers returned to holiday mode.)

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The Shock And Thaw Strategy

, , | Right | January 18, 2008

Customer: “I need a fan.”

Me: “What kind of fan?”

Customer: “A fan for where I plug my modem in.”

Me: “Do you have it with you?”

Customer: “Yeah.”

(Customer leaves and returns with the computer. A hairdryer is duct-taped to the power supply, nozzle pointing into where the fan normally sits.)

Me: *dumbfounded* “Why is there a hairdryer taped to your computer?”

Customer: “Well, I have to keep it warm, or it will freeze up.”

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“Professional” Photography

, , | Right | January 18, 2008

(Customer has been browsing their pictures for a few minutes and I’ve been working on other orders.)

Customer: “Hey!”

(The customer taps envelope on the counter obnoxiously to get my attention.)

Me: “Yes. sir?”

Customer: “You ruined my pictures!” *throws pictures on the counter*

Me: “Sir, they look fine to me.”

Customer: “You put your fingers in my pictures!”

Me: “That’s impossible, sir, there’s no way my fingers could be in your pictures.”

Customer: “They stuck them in the way when you were printing them.”

Me: “No, sir, the way our machine works that just can’t happen. The only way there could be fingers in the pictures is if whoever was taking the picture accidentally let their fingers get in the shot.”

Customer: “Well, I’m a professional and I took all these pictures so I know it wasn’t me. It has to be your fingers!”

Me: “Sir, was I there when you took your pictures?”

Customer: *looks annoyed and confused* “No…”

Me: “They’re not my fingers then.”

(This continued for another fifteen minutes, with the customer complaining about our machine being out of focus and a mystery line that very obviously resembled a camera strap.)

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Math Is Your Friend

, , , , | Right | January 9, 2008

(Customer approaches cash desk with two t-shirts with a price tag of $14.99 each. I scan the t-shirts.)

Me: “Oh, they scan at $7.99 each.”

Customer: “The sign on the table where I found them says that they’re 2 for $20.00.”

Me: “I know, but they scan at $7.99.”

Customer: “…but the sign says 2 for $20.00.”

Me: “I know, but head office must have changed the sale and updated the computer before we had a chance to change the sign. So you can buy the shirts for $7.99 each.”

Customer: “I don’t care what price comes up in the computer. The sign says 2 for $20.00 so you have to sell them to me at that price!”

Me: “Okay.”

(I override the $7.99 price in the computer and change it to $10.00. The customer pays two dollars more per shirt than he has to and smugly goes on his way.)

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