I’m a physician, and my coworker is also a physician. We practice nephrology somewhere in the USA. We make a lot of visits to eight dialysis centers located along an interstate, and it involves a lot of driving to see the patients while they’re on dialysis. The system we work for pays us mileage plus a good salary.

Originally, we submitted our own mileage reports, and they always approved them. We were not trying to maximize the money; we both just wanted about $1,000 a month to offset the wear and tear and gas costs on our vehicles. We were actually just photocopying the same report each month, signing it, and turning it in. The original company we worked for was totally fine with this arrangement.

Well, the system was bought by another system that apparently believes all its doctors are thieves. We were told we were scamming them and that, from then on, a middle manager would review our billing and use Google Maps to calculate our mileage each month. This person would make sure we adhered strictly to their reimbursement policy. It starts from the office each day, no matter where you actually started; it doesn’t pay you to drive somewhere if you didn’t see a patient and only went to sign forms for nurses; and there was other stupidity.

Now, I don’t like being accused of thievery, especially when I was sure we’d been underbilling for the mileage just to keep things easy and simple.

These people didn’t know me, but I had an Excel sheet containing all my patients, their clinics, and a schedule that allowed me to drive out and see them all using as little time and mileage as possible. It was really efficient.

So, I dove into their travel policy and reconfigured my schedule, not to minimize mileage, but, within their policy, to maximize it. As a bonus, the new schedule actually had me home each day for lunch on the days I did dialysis rounds, so it saved me a little money and improved my mood.

For example, since they started and ended the mileage at the office no matter where I actually began and finished, I started my day at the clinic close to my house but far from the office. I ended my day at the one on the other side of town by my girlfriend’s house, where I’d usually hang out after work anyway. Midday, I’d go home for lunch, get a nap or a nooner, and then see a couple of people in town so I’d get paid to drive back. Then, I’d head out for the regular visits scheduled for that day.

Altogether, my average mileage, far from being lower as they expected, was actually 90% greater. On top of this, they were paying a middle manager to take a deep dive into all our billing, examine the locations, and compile the reports. She said that just processing the two of ours took almost eight hours; an expense they never had before!

A customer is shopping in our store on a Sunday:

Customer: “Is this on sale?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “When is it on sale until?”

Me: “Saturday.”

Customer: “Do you mean next Saturday, or yesterday?”

Me: “Yesterday, but if you buy it today, I’ll extend the sale to today and give you the sale price.”

Customer: “Oh, wow! That’s really kind of you. In that case, I think I should buy two…”

I was working as the local IT operations manager for a company, and I had a new guy start in our regional head office. His boss was based at the company head office in another country.

At our company, you had to have a company-provided PC; any other device would not be allowed to access the company Wi-Fi, and the switch port would lock if you connected to the local network.

The new guy was a contractor earning over $1000 per day. His boss didn’t want to provide him with a company PC as “they cost too much” (around $1200). So, the new guy was using his MacBook. He couldn’t access any corporate systems at all.

He came and saw me, and I advised him that he needed a company PC; there was no other option. I had assumed this was all sorted.

A few weeks later (and about $15,000 into the contract), he comes to me and complains that he can’t get any work done; his boss says we have to allow his Mac to work on the network. This would be complex and lengthy.

I call his boss and explain that the new guy is wasting lots of our money and my time by not being able to work. I explain that the most effective way to get him working is to supply a PC.

I’m told, “No! You must make his Mac work with our systems!” We have no Macs at all.

I mention to the boss that we have people starting and finishing all the time, and we have a lot of spare PCs in our storeroom. How about I supply him with a second-hand PC?

“Oh, okay then.” Problem solved.

I used to work in a hardware shop. Everything was priced per metre, but some of our older customers who grew up with feet and inches refused to get with the times.

Customer: “I need fifteen feet of chain.”

Me: “I can measure that for you, but as we price in metres I will need to—”

Customer: “I don’t want it in metres! I want it in feet!”

Me: “You’ll get the exact amount you need, but for pricing I need to—”

Customer: “—Ugh! I’ll just do it myself!”

I let her measure it herself, and eventually she came up, plonked the chain on the counter, and said:

Customer: “There, fifteen feet of chain, or seven of your stupid metres!”

So, I charged her for seven metres.

A customer is buying a $400 item.

Me: “Ma’am, I’m happy to tell you that we have a deal on right now and I can offer you a 10% discount.”

Customer: “Nice try, but I saw [same item] at your competitor for $389!” *She shows me the item on her phone.* “I know you price match, so I want this price instead.”

Me: “Uh… okay?”

Luckily for me, I have a specific ‘price match override’ button that allows me to enter in any price I want, so that’s what I did. She had such a smug look of victory as she walked out…