Why The Cliche About Kids In Candy Stores Exists

, , , , , | Learning | January 6, 2021

When I’m in college, I work as a supervisor of a candy store that’s inside an amusement park. Every summer, one of the most dreaded days is what we call Camp Kid Day. We get lots of camps over the season, but on this day, the park is overrun with hundreds of kids from one particular camp where rich, entitled parents send their rich, entitled kids to be someone else’s problem for half the summer.

My candy shop has a self-serve bulk gummy display with clearly placed “no samples” signs. I am on the floor watching the hordes of camp kids to prevent shoplifting. I see one, about ten, shake a few gummies into his hand from one of the bins and put one in his mouth. Immediately, I point at him.

Me: “Hey, you can’t do that. That’s stealing. Please give me the rest.”

I hold out my hand for the gummies, but the kid doesn’t move.

Me: “Please give me the candy, so I don’t have to call security on you.”

Camp Kid: “Seriously?! It’s just candy!”

Pouting, he finally hands over the pieces, and I think that’s the end of it. After all, he’s not the first or last to try to sneak candy that day. BUT THEN, I see him talking to a camp counselor, who comes over to me.

Camp Counselor: *Condescendingly* “Did you really have to do that to him? It was just a few pieces of candy.”

Me: “I’m afraid I did. The park takes stealing very seriously, and if I’m missing too much weight of gummies at the end of the day, I get in trouble with my boss.”

This was true. I had strict variance rules to manage. The counselor just shook his head at me in disgust and walked off. I wish I’d come up with a snappier comeback about a COUNSELOR encouraging his young, rich charge to steal, but I was so shocked by it that I didn’t process what had happened until it was too late. Seriously, I could almost forgive the kid, but a counselor who was about my own age? He should have known better, and to this day, I still can’t believe this was a conversation I actually had.

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A Kid Who Likes Math?!

, , , , | Learning | December 29, 2020

Two students are sitting and drawing together, discussing what they want to be when they are older.

Student #1: “I like maths; maybe I will have a job with that.”

Student #2: “What are they called?”

Student #1: “They’re called math-a-magicians!”

Student Support Worker: “I feel that can be a good description for some accountants.”

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This Is TERRIFYING

, , , , , , , | Learning | December 20, 2020

We’re preparing for finals. The professor has a slideshow going.

Professor: “Right. We’re going into finals prep. And that means you’re going to have a lot of questions, and some of you are going to think, ‘Wow, I shouldn’t be asking this; [Professor] is going to think I didn’t listen at all.’ But hear me out: I was a student once, so I know you’re all not sleeping and you’re all having doubts. At this point, I’d usually say that there are no stupid questions, but I learned a very important lesson.”

He advances to a slide that just shows the title of the course and his own name.

Professor: “This class is Biology 241. Bi-o-lo-gy. Two. Four. One. My name is [Professor]. [Prooofesssoooor]. We’re taking a final exam. That’s a big test. It’s going to matter. There’s more information in your syllabus. That’s the big packet of information that tells you how the class works. It’s also on the course site. BIO. TWO. FOUR. ONE. [PROFESSOR]. And if you’re wondering how many students could have used this reminder, the answer is ‘more than none,’ and that’s all I need.”


This story is part of our Best Of December 2020 roundup!

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Reading Skills Are Mandatory

, , , , , | Learning | December 18, 2020

Student: “Professor, I looked at the syllabus; it says the final is mandatory. So, if we choose not to take it, do we just keep the score we have now?”

Professor: “I just nominated you for a writing award. I’m going to let you Google every word you just said rather than calling up the dean and telling her to burn my letter.”


This story is part of our Best Of December 2020 roundup!

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Read the Best Of December 2020 roundup!

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Just Play The Game And Get The Grade

, , , , , | Learning | December 16, 2020

Halfway through my sophomore year of high school, sometime around 2012, our English teacher leaves and a new teacher comes in. The new teacher upends the old teacher’s curriculum and leaves us all frazzled as a result. We also discover that she has some backward ideas of what makes a good presentation or report, so we all start failing our presentations, to our frustration. She decides to give us guidelines finally.

Teacher: “Your presentations aren’t exciting enough! They have to engage the audience. Use as many fonts as possible on the Powerpoint to keep attention. Use the fun fonts! The cursive ones!”

Student #1: “It’s tough to read some of those fonts on the projector, though. It’s a little blurry and the text comes out so small.”

Teacher:No. You’ve just lost the art of cursive! How many of you were even taught how to write in cursive?”

To her dismay, every student raises their hands and she sputters.

Teacher: “Well, you don’t use it enough! It is very legible on the projector; you just can’t do it anymore. You also don’t put enough words!”

Student #2: “I thought text on Powerpoints were supposed to be bullet points and short summaries.”

Teacher: “Absolutely not. How am I supposed to know what you’re presenting on? I want full paragraphs of every word you say on those slides. And you need more pictures. Fun pictures. Like those moving pictures!”

Student #3: “You want GIFs? On our slideshows?”

Teacher: “Yes! Lots of them! They’re fun. They catch attention! Speaking of, use more bright, bright colors for your text! You make all the text black and it’s just so boring; it doesn’t catch attention! Use the highlighter button!”

The rest of the students eventually stopped arguing with her and we all learned to make the absolute ugliest slideshows for only her class. One time, I included several slides in a row that were just low-quality, blown-up GIFs, as a joke, and she gave me extra credit for “really knowing how to be engaging!”

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