(I am in university in a town 30 kilometers away from home. The university is a famous one, and I managed to get into the Business & Economy faculty, which is one of the top faculties there. I am attending the second meeting for statistics class, at the beginning of our first semester.)

Professor: “All right, class, have you all brought a scientific calculator, as I asked last meeting?”

Class: *nods and sounds of agreement*

Professor: “Okay, does anyone here know how to use it?”

Me: *raises hand* “I do.”

Class: *silence*

(Confused, I look around and see that no one else has their hand up.)

Professor: “Just one this semester? Hmm. Well, why don’t you come here and show the others how to use it?”

(I go to the front, still confused.)

Me: “Okay, just to make sure, do you guys only know how to use the basic functions of it, or do none of you know how to use it at all?”

Class: *shakes head*

Me: “How about the calculator in your smartphones? Surely you’ve used that once or twice?”

Class: *more head shaking*

Me: “Then… how have you been doing math all this time?”

Classmate: “I usually just Google the answer.”

Class: *murmurs of agreement*

(I stand there in disbelief, long enough that the professor tells me to sit down and takes over teaching the class how to use calculators. Later, after class has ended:)

Me: “Sir, I still couldn’t believe that someone who got this far has never used a calculator.”

Professor: “It’s very common, from what I’ve seen. The most I’ve seen in a year was three students.”

(I lost the — admittedly small — amount of faith I had in humanity that day.)

(We are in a French lesson, discussing language to use when asking for a hotel room.)

Teacher: “Remember to say, ‘soirs,’ when you’re asking for the number of nights. All right, then, [Student], could you please stand up?”

([Student] stands up.)

Teacher: “And could you please say in French, ‘I would like a hotel room for two nights.'”

Student: “Je voudrais… un chambre… avec deux soeurs?”

(This actually means, ‘I would like a hotel room with two sisters’.)

Teacher: “Well, that would be a very good night indeed!”

(A third-grade student can’t find her shoe at the end of the day. I give her a couple of suggestions of places to check for it.)

Student #1: “Miss [Teacher], I still can’t find it.”

Me: “Sorry, [Student #1], I don’t know what else to suggest. My shoe-finding spell doesn’t work very well.”

Student #1: “What do you mean?”

Me: *waving my pen as if it were a wand* “Oh, you know— Accio shoe!“

Student #2: *from under a desk across the room* “Here it is!”

Student #1: *in awe* “It worked!”

(I’m fairly new to my post as a receptionist, but the student in this story sees me every day. He’s leaving at the same time as I am, and is chatting away as we leave. He’s 12.)

Student: “Which way do you go, Miss?”

Me: “I’m going this way to go to [Station].”

Student: “Let me show you a faster way.”

(My train is 20 minutes away, but I’m always up for learning a little more of the area.)

Me: “All right, then.”

(We start off, chatting away, when…)

Student: “I need to call Nan and say I’m on my way.”

Me: “Okay.”

Student: “Do you need to phone your Mum or Dad?”

(I can’t help it; I burst out laughing.)

Student: “Oh, no! I’m usually walking home with another student!”

Me: “I moved out years ago, [Student]. Plus, I’m nearly thirty.”

(The shortcut might not be so — I actually arrived two minutes later than usual — but it was a nice chat.)

(I volunteer as a teacher’s aide at the same primary school as my father, who is in his late forties. We both have the same distinct last name, so everyone realizes that we’re related. Our exact relationship, however, confuses a lot of kids.)

Kid #1: “Hey, I know you! You’re [Dad]’s sister!”

Kid #2: “Are you [Dad]’s wife?”

Kid #3: “My friend told me that you were [Dad]’s mummy.”

(Finally…)

Kid #4: “Hey, aren’t you [Dad]’s daughter?”

Me: “Yes, I am. Not a lot of people think I’m his daughter right away. They think I’m his sister, or his wife.”

Kid #4: “But that’s weird. You’re really young, and he’s really old. He’s like eighty, or something!”

(So close, kid. So close.)