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At Least He Can Tell Time

, , , | Right | April 4, 2009

College Student: “Do you have any stamps?”

Me: “No, I’m sorry. This is a library.”

College Student: “But I need to buy some stamps.”

Me: “I can’t help you. We don’t sell stamps in the library. You should try the post office in [college building] tomorrow.”

College Student: “But I need the stamps now. Can’t I just have some stamps?”

Me: “Listen, libraries don’t sell stamps. The post office will sell you stamps tomorrow morning when it opens. But right now, in this building, I can not sell you stamps.”

College Student: “So you’ll sell me stamps tomorrow?”

Me: “Listen, you can’t even mail anything on a Sunday evening. Why don’t you come back later?”

(Not surprisingly, he came back at 8 the next morning demanding stamps.)

You Say Vacation, I Say D**nation

, , , , , , | Right | March 13, 2009

Me: “Do you need some help?”

Young Teen: “Yes, I’m looking for a book on a country.”

Me: “Do you want a travel guide or a book about the history of the country?

Young Teen: “A travel guide, I guess. It’s for school.”

Me: “Okay, then. Where would you like a travel guide to?”

Young Teen: “Hades.”

Me: “…you mean, Haiti?”

Young Teen: “Yeah, I guess that’s the way we say it here.”


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High Altitude Expectations

, , , | Right | January 13, 2009

(I overhear my coworker have this exchange while helping a patron.)

Coworker: “What can I help you find?”

Patron: “I need pictures from when they used to tie small cameras to birds to take aerial photos.”

Coworker: “Well, I don’t think that we would have any books for that – let me look online.”

Patron: “I kinda need this right away; my class starts in ten minutes.”

Coworker: “I’m looking as fast as I can.”

Patron: “Well, f***ing look faster! I am going to fail this class now, and it’s all because of you!”

Coworker: “I found your photos. I’ll send them to the printer right now; it will be 50 cents for the print.”

Patron: “What the f***? You expect me to PAY for the prints?”

Coworker: “Yes, yes I do.”

(The patron hands over the money while swearing under his breath.)

Coworker: “Enjoy.”

(She hands him the papers and he runs out, but not thirty seconds later he runs back in.)

Patron: “I need pictures of the f***ing birds, not the pictures that they took!”

Coworker: *as she turns off her computer* “Well, it looks like our system is down. You’ll have to come back at a later time.”

Patron: *storms out*

Natural Born Politician

, , , , , | Learning Right | July 19, 2008

(I overheard this from a school group at a theme park.)

Student: “God, these stupid lines are so long!”

Teacher: “If you don’t have anything positive to say, don’t say anything at all.”

Student: “I mean… these great lines are just long enough that we miss everything!”


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Tomorrow’s Leaders, Indeed

, , , | Right | February 20, 2008

(I work tech support for a university, and our help desk supports faculty/staff only. On this day, a student walks in.)

Student: “I’m here to turn in my paper.”

Me: “I’m sorry, this is the Faculty Help Desk, we don’t deal with student assignments.”

Student: “But I don’t know where to turn it in. Can’t you just turn it in for me?”

Me: “No, if you don’t know where to turn it in, I would certainly not have a clue.”

Student: “But can’t you just take it?”

Me: “No. If you’re really that confused, contact your professor or go to the department office. I’m sure they can help you.”

Student: “But can’t you just take it?”

Me: *blinks in disbelief* “Um…”

Student: “Please, take it!”

Me: “Okay.”

(I proceed to take it and place it in the recycle bin in front of her.)

Student: “Thank you so much!”