(I’m working part time as a teacher in a nursery school, where the kids are all four or five years old. Today we’re getting the kids to draw around their feet and colour them in so that the parents can hang them on a wall for six months and then shove them in a cupboard.)
Me: “Okay, everyone, can you all take off one shoe and one sock?”
(Five minutes later:)
Me: “Okay ,everyone, can you all take off one shoe and one sock on the same foot?”
I took a first aid course with a friend. We had completed most of the course when the tutor announced she was going to show us some photographs of “uncommon” injuries to see how we would treat them. She stressed we would be unlikely to encounter them but wanted to see how we would apply our new knowledge.
First photo: we suggested treatment, discussed it a bit, all okay.
Second photo: exactly the injury my mum had a couple of years ago.
Third photo: the same injury my friend’s son had last year.
Fourth photo (according to the tutor, a very rare one): something my husband did a few years back.
I think we slightly screwed up the tutor’s lesson plan.
(I am taking driving lessons so I can obtain my commercial vehicle license. The practical lessons take place in a real semi-trailer truck, with me in the driver’s seat, my instructor in the passenger’s seat, and another student sitting on one of the beds in the sleeper cab.)
Instructor: “Okay, [My Name], make a right turn.”
(I get nervous, and end up missing the opportunity to turn. With no other choice, I continue driving straight.)
Instructor: “Okay, [Classmate], close the curtains and go hide in a corner.”
Classmate: “What? Why?”
Instructor: “[My Name] just missed his turn. Now we’re in [Different City]. Sitting in the sleeper cab was perfectly legal when we were still in [Previous City], but not here. If the police see you back there, [My Name] could get a ticket.”
Classmate: “Okay, I’ll go hide myself.”
Instructor: “All right, [My Name], we’re going to make two right turns now.”
(We are sitting at break in my Med/Surg Nursing course one afternoon, and we’ve just finished clarifying that our final exam is NOT cumulative. I notice my classmate next to me has hiccups.)
Me: “Got hiccups?”
Classmate: “Yeah.”
Me: “Want me to scare them out of you?”
Classmate: *sleepily* “Nooooo! Don’t scare me.”
(Jokingly, I throw my arm around her and lean in.)
Me: “Hey, hey, [Classmate], the fourth test is cumulative!”
Classmate: “WAIT, WHAT?!”
Me: “Oh, my God, no! We just finished discussing this! I’m joking.”
Classmate: “…”
Me: “HOLY CRAP! It actually stopped your hiccups!”
(We all lost it. Forget “boo.” If you want to scare a nursing student, just tell her the exam will be harder!)
(I have a teacher who is missing an arm from the shoulder down. He is in his early forties at least, and lost it when he was a teen, so he has “gotten used to it,” to use his own words. Of course, working in a building filled with teenagers, he hears all sorts of comments, but I’ll never forget this gem:)
Student: “But, sir, how do you put on your shirts in the morning?”
Teacher: “One arm at a time, just like everyone else.”
