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Social Studies Prove That Analogies Abhor A Vacuum

, , , , , , | Learning | November 12, 2018

(This takes place in high school social studies class. The teacher is explaining a concept of economics. I’m known to be a pretty smart kid and a whiz at science, but I don’t usually participate.)

Teacher: “Think of it this way. Does anybody know how a vacuum cleaner works?”

(A few students raise their hands, including me.)

Teacher: “[Student #1]?”

Student #1: “It sucks stuff in with a big fan.”

Teacher: “No, that’s incorrect. [Student #2]?”

Student #2: “There’s a pump and it pulls air in.”

Teacher: “Nope, not right, either.”

(The teacher then looks at me and gives me a look that tells me he is not looking forward to my response.)

Teacher: “[My Name]?”

Me: “Things always move from an area of higher concentration to lower concentration, so a vacuum cleaner pumps air out of a chamber inside it, creating an area of lower air pressure inside. The higher air pressure outside of the vacuum pushes things into it, and they end up in the bag, which is porous to allow air to pass through.”

Teacher: *pause* “No, that’s not right, either. The point is, nobody knows how a vacuum works.”

(He carried on with the lesson, and I frowned and sat back in my chair, knowing I had a better explanation than anyone else, and deciding that he wasn’t expecting someone to actually know how a vacuum cleaner works, ruining the analogy.)

Shameful Timekeeping Reported As Main Reason Behind Entire Class Turning On School Management

, , , , , | Learning | November 10, 2018

I work with third graders as a teacher’s aide. Every week I take a few of them to a separate classroom at lunchtime and work with them on goal setting. One day I have a meeting with my boss that goes over lunch time, so I am a few minutes late getting my kids from the cafeteria. I tell them it’s my boss’s fault and they should tell him, “Shame on you.” When we get back to the classroom, my boss has left, so we get started and I forget about it.

Ten minutes later, the door opens and my boss walks in. Suddenly, in perfect unison, my students turn, point, and scream, “SHAME!”

That pretty much ruins the students’ ability to focus for the rest of the period, but it is worth it to see the terror and confusion on my boss’s face.

Teachers Frequently Have The Least Knowledge On Computers

, , , , , , | Learning | November 7, 2018

(It’s the early 2000s and my school has introduced a voluntary computer class. I am absolutely fascinated with computers, so naturally I sign up. I’m a bit confused why our domestic science teacher is teaching the class, but okay. Sadly, I soon come to understand that she probably got the job because she taught typewriting when that was still a thing. We immediately get off to a rough start. She asks the class what we need to build a functional computer. Eagerly, I put my hand up and start listing computer parts such as “motherboard,” “CPU,” “power supply unit,” etc., but the teacher shuts me down. She explains that, no, we need a mouse, a screen, a tower, and a keyboard. I protest that, strictly speaking, a tower alone would be a functional computer, and that there are also notebooks, but she won’t have any of it. She gives me a warning that she won’t tolerate goofing around and making up words. For the next lesson I plot the most evil revenge my geeky teenage brain can come up with, and flip the switch of the PSU on the teacher’s PC before class. Not being able to locate the problem, she has to end the lesson prematurely. As we do exclusively typewriting lessons, I drop the class a few lessons afterwards. Fast forward a few years. By now I’m an on-call IT support for a few schools to make some extra money. I’m called to my former school and, to my surprise, I meet my former teacher in the classroom that needs my attention. She explains that the computer didn’t start up after recess. I do my basic troubleshooting and, lo and behold, the switch of the PSU is flipped. Jokingly, I ask:)

Me: “Okay, who did this?”

(The students do give away the culprit by all turning their heads around to him simultaneously. The teacher is furious and sends him to the principal. I feel sorry for ratting him out and insist I accompany him and the teacher to the principal to give a factual account of what he did.)

Teacher: “He broke my PC! I want him formally reprimanded and a note sent to his parents.”

Me: “No, he simply pulled off the oldest and most benign computer prank in the books. He flipped the PSU switch.” *gesturing to it on the principal’s PC* “Really, if it helps to smooth things over, I will not bill you for this call. It really wasn’t a big deal. I’m pretty sure most people, and most certainly all of your students, could have fixed that if [Teacher] had asked them.”

Principal: “Okay. But, [Student], why did you even do this?”

Student: “I really just wanted to do a small prank. My dad told me a classmate of his did this and [Teacher] couldn’t fix it for half an hour before dismissing the class. I didn’t think she would fall for it again. I’m really sorry.”

Me: *having to stifle my laughter*

Principal: “Is everything all right?”

Me: “I’m sorry. I’m afraid this one is apparently partially my fault. I was that classmate. I was furious at [Teacher] because she ridiculed me in front of class, saying CPU is a made-up word.”

Teacher: *slowly realizing who I am* “Wait… You are… No! I never said CBU is a made up word!”

Student: “My dad actually told me this, too.”

Principal: *sighs* “Okay, I’m not going to send his parents a note or reprimand him. [Teacher], you’re free to give him an extra exercise as punishment. That should be enough.”

(I felt kind of bad for undermining her authority in front of the principal, but it was about time she realized that she was the person with the least knowledge about computers in the computer class she was teaching. From what I heard from students the next time I was there, it really did help. She now asks students what they want to learn, and lets students do presentations in between typewriting lessons. I hope she also learns a thing or two.)

The Hero That A Galaxy Far, Far Away Needs

, , , , | Learning | November 6, 2018

(I am a primary school teacher. This story happens during recess. A random five-year-old has wandered up to me.)

Five-Year-Old: “I like Star Wars.”

Me: “That’s cool; so do I. Who’s your favourite character?”

Five-Year-Old: “BATMAN.”

Me: “…”

Five-Year-Old: “I’m a lollipop.”


This story is part of our celebration of Not Always Right publishing over 100,000 stories!

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[Ladybugs Ate The Previous Title, Sorry]

, , , , , , | Learning | November 5, 2018

The college I attend has a rather large exchange program with a university in South Korea. They speak English quite well, but they don’t always know what they’re looking at, especially when it comes to animals. One fall, as it starts to get cold, the following messages appear on the “maintenance requests” board in our dorm hall:

“There are a few bugs in our room. They seem to be coming in through the window.”

A few days later: “There are a lot of bugs in our room. We are worried, as we do not know what kind of bugs they are.”

A few days after that: “WE ARE BEING INVADED!!! Our window is FULL of round, red bugs. PLEASE, someone come help us; we are very afraid because they can fly, and we don’t want to be bitten.”

A few days after that one: “We have been informed that ladybugs are not dangerous. We are not afraid anymore, but please do send someone, because there are still a lot of them.”

Lest someone think my school was lax in letting it go that long: an appointment had been scheduled for someone to come look at them after the first message had been posted, but it took that long for the person to be able to come out. It was that time when ALL the bugs were trying to come inside to stay warm, so he was very busy around town.  

But every year when the bugs start coming in, I think of those poor Korean girls, terrified of ladybugs.