Sharing One’s Loss

, , , , , | Right | July 2, 2010

(Students are required to show their student ID cards when borrowing a book. Two students walk up to the front desk.)

Student #1: “Hi, I’d like to borrow this book for my friend here.” *hands me their student ID card*

Me: “If your friend would like that book, then she needs to bring her own ID card and borrow it herself. I can’t let you borrow it for her in case she causes any damage or loses it.”

Student #1: “Oh. But she’s very responsible. She wouldn’t damage or lose it.”

(I turn to the second student.)

Me: “Where is your student ID card?”

Student #2: “I lost it.”


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Limping Through College

, , , , , , , | Right | June 11, 2010

Customer: “Can you help me find the book for my class?”

Me: “Sure. Do you have your course schedule?”

Customer: “Uh, no. Why?”

Me: “They tell me what books are needed for each class.”

Customer: “Cool.”

Me: “So, I need to know what class you’re taking.”

Customer: *blank stare*

Me: “English, math, physics, biology? If you can tell me what the course is, we might be able to find it that way.”

Customer: “Sorry, dude. I’m new to this whole college thing.”

Me: “How about your professor’s name? We’ve got quite a few professors that only teach one class.”

Customer: “My class is at night. Wednesdays, I think. And my teacher is a lady, with a limp.”

Me: *Looking at a course card.* “I found it! Wednesday nights, with the lady who limps.”

Customer: “Bro, you’re a lifesaver.”

Me: “I was kidding.”

Customer: “So, that’s not my book, then?”


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Nicoteenagers

, , , , , | Right | May 26, 2010

(I have just gotten my first job, at age sixteen. I am a clerk in a gas station that mostly sells gas and cigarettes.)

Customer: “Oh, hey, [My Name], I didn’t know you worked here.”

Me: “Yeah, I just started a couple weeks ago. What can I get you?”

Customer: “Can I get a pack of cigarettes?”

Me: “We were in grade eight together, and I’m only sixteen. I’m pretty sure I can’t sell you those.”

Customer: “Yeah, I like, failed a lot of grades. I’m nineteen now.”

Me: “Really? Can I see your ID then?”

Customer: “I… I think I’ll try the 7/11 down the street.”


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Likely To Cause IRE (Ironic Resourceful Ethics)

, , , , , , | Right | May 3, 2010

(I am working near a copy station, and a woman comes up with a large stack of papers.)

Customer: “Do you have any zip ties to bind this with?”

Me: “Sure, here.”

(As she binds the papers, I see the word “Ethics” on the first page.)

Me: “Oh, is this for an ethics class?”

Customer: “Yes! I didn’t want to pay for the book, so I photocopied it. Do you think the professor is going to like how resourceful I am?”

Me: “I’m sure you’ll have a very lively discussion about it.”


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Three Obsessive Compulsives And One Oedipus Complex To Go

, , , | Learning Right | March 15, 2010

(I am working in retail when a confused-looking student approaches me.)

Me: “Hi there, how can I help you?”

Student: “I want to get a sample.”

Me: “A sample of what?”

Student: “What have you got?”

Me: “What do you need it for? For class?”

Student: “Yeah, for class.”

Me: “Which class?”

Student: “Social Sciences.”

Me: “I’m not aware of any requirements for that class. Do you have it written down somewhere?”

(The student looks through her bag and produces a piece of paper. She hands it to me.)

Me: “This is an assignment to set up a small psychological experiment.”

Student: “Yes! And I need a sample.”

Me: “Do you mean participants? You want me to get you participants?”

Student: “Yeah, the teacher said about thirty should do. Do they come to my place or do I have to get them from here?”

Me: “I’m afraid that’s not how it works. You have to find participants on your own.”

Student: “What? That’s ridiculous! Isn’t it enough that I do all the science?”

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