(I am a third-grade teacher on recess duty monitoring the students when I notice one of my “behavior problem” students walk in front of a little girl swinging on the swings and almost get hit. I go to stand directly in front of him for the following interaction.)

Me: “[Student], please come here.”

Student: *walks up to me but stops a few feet away*

Me: “I need you to be careful and watch where you are going. You almost–”

(During this, he begins to wander off, and he wanders in front of the little girl swinging and gets creamed. She laid him out flat on the ground.)

Little Girl: *continues swinging*

Me: *watching student lay on the ground, rolling a bit* “Well, I told you to watch where you are going. I don’t really feel sorry for you. Shake it off; you’re okay.”

Student: *gets up and limps for a few minutes before going back to play*

(I think the little girl might have knocked some sense into him because after that incident he hasn’t disrupted my class once.)

(I am in daycare playing Legos with the kids when they start talking about birthdays and how old they are. They start guessing my age, and when they finally guess the right age, I tell them.)

Me: “Do you think that’s old?”

Boy: “Yes, but not old enough to die… yet.”

Me: “How old is ‘old enough to die’?”

Boy: “You’d have to be a hundred or something to die.”

(I’m glad I’m only eighteen!)

(Two classmates and I are chatting and waiting for class to finish. The topic of leap years comes up.)

Classmate #1: “I have a friend who was born on leap day. He’s only had like three birthdays.”  

Me: “I heard about a family that had three kids born on consecutive leap days.”

Classmate #2: “Twelve years apart? That’s quite a gap.”

Me: “No, it’s eight years apart, which is not that weird.”

Classmate #1: “A leap year is every four years. Three kids, that’s twelve years. You need to check your math.”

Classmate #2: “Yeah, that’s right.”

Me: “No… Okay. You have a kid in 2000. Four years later, you have another kid. Four years later, you have a third kid, and it’s been eight years.”

(It dawns on them that I am correct.)

Classmate #2: “This never happened.”

(It is just after finals week and my friend, like other college students, is exhausted to the point of being a zombie. He’s with two other friends at night when a mugger comes up and points a knife at him. His friends back off while he just stares.)

Friend: *speaks in the most deadpan voice one can do* “Hey.”

(The mugger demands his money and my friend shrugs. He takes his wallet from his pocket and asks:)

Friend: “How much do you need to borrow?”

Mugger: *caught off guard and shuffles in place* “Uh… you got a twenty?”

Friend: *shakes his head* “Sorry. I only have some ones.”

(The mugger shuffles again before muttering to forget it and walks away. My friend looks to the others he was with and looks at them sleepily.)

Friend: “What?”

(They later told him what happened and he freaked out. We tease him about how finals made him so dead inside that he almost got himself killed.)

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(I’m taking a class on sustainability. We’re currently talking about the footprint humans leave on the earth and how damaging it is.)

Professor: “So, our current way of life would only be sustainable if we were able to inhabit 1.5 Earths.”

Student: “Is that a problem?”

Professor: *upon realizing she’s serious* “Uh, yeah, it is, actually.”

Student: “Why? I don’t see a problem.”

Professor: “Well, do you have another half-Earth lying around somewhere?”

Student: “No.”

Professor: “Well, then, there’s a problem.”

Student: “Can’t we just make another Earth?”

(I’ve heard lots of dumb things said over the years, but I think that takes the cake.)