GPS = Global Profiting System

, , , , | Right | May 10, 2019

(I’m at our local video store with my sister who is renting something. This guy walks in and rushes past the desk with his smartphone volume up loudly — and it’s his GPS talking to him, giving him directions.)

Me: “I guess he’s taking the scenic route?”

Cashier: “Yeah, we pay Google Maps to have people stop at our store along the way.”

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What A Deal!

, , , , , | Right | March 14, 2019

(I stop at the bank and go to a teller to make a large withdrawal for an upcoming purchase.)

Me: “Hi. I need to do a withdraw.” *puts card and PIN in*

Teller: “Okay, what would you like?”

Me: “I need $800. It doesn’t matter what denomination it’s in; it’s for my dealer.”

(A couple seconds of silence pass while it dawns on me what I said.)

Me: “My car dealer.”

Teller: *laughs* “I figured that’s what you meant.”

Me: “Heh, well, I just had to clarify!”

Teller: “Hey, no judging from me!”

(The teller handed me my money and I sheepishly walked out. The new car will be worth the little embarrassment, though!)

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