You Barely Occupied Their Thoughts

, , , , , | Friendly | June 12, 2018

(My husband and I stop at a gas station on a trip to the beach. We both decide to use the restrooms. The doors on the individual stalls have unusually large — to me — gaps at the bottom, at least a foot high. While I am in one of the stalls, a woman comes up and tries to open the door.)

Me: “Occupied.”

Woman #1: *bangs on the door* “Somebody in there?”

Me: “Yes.”

Woman #1: *bangs again* “Helloooo?”

Me: “YES, OCCUPIED!”

(The woman bends down and peers under the door, not just looking at my feet, but she actually makes eye contact with me!)

Woman #1: “Oh. There’s someone in this one.” *to someone else* “This one’s being used.”

(She walks away and goes to the stall beside me. Another woman comes up and looks under again, this time without knocking or anything.)

Woman #2: “Oh, yeah. This one, too.”

Woman #1: “No, that’s the one I just told you about!”

Woman #2: “Oh.”

(When I left the stall, the second woman was still waiting. As I passed her, she huffed and said, “Finally,” under her breath. I wasn’t in there for more than five minutes! When I told my husband about my encounter, he said I should have winked at the women since they were so intent on seeing me.)

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Entitled To Their Opinion, But Not Their Assumption

, , , , , | Friendly | June 8, 2018

(I’ve recently hurt my knee and am wearing a brace that allows me to walk, but walking or standing for too long is painful, so I park as close to the grocery store as I can. As I’m getting out of my car, I notice a woman parked a few spaces down and across the aisle is glaring at me as she helps an elderly woman out of her vehicle. I force a smile to be polite, close my door, and lock my car up, then take off toward the store.)

Woman: *loudly* “Mom, look at that one! Bet she’s not even hurt. Stupid, lazy teenager. And look at her brand new car! I bet she’s never paid a dime on it! Entitled teenage brat.”

(I would usually ignore an idiot like her, but I’m in a bad mood and my knee is throbbing, so I whirl around as best I can and flip her off.)

Me: *shouting back* “Actually, I’m a spoiled 30-year-old housewife, with a three-year-old used car, not a spoiled teenager! Thanks for playing, b****, but you don’t win the golden Kewpie doll!”

(I turn and start for the store again as the elderly woman starts cackling gleefully.)

Elderly Woman: *loud enough for me to hear* “Serves you right for being a judgmental c***!”

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Presumptuousness To Make You Fall Out Your Chair

, , , , | Friendly | June 7, 2018

(I’m minding my own business at the mall. A woman walks up to me.)

Woman: “You don’t need that!”

Me: “Huh?”

Woman: “How shameless! Stealing wheelchairs from people who need them!”

(I lift up my pant leg, revealing my red, atrophied leg. She starts sputtering.)

Me: “Also, this is my personal chair. The one I got through my insurance.”

(She quickly leaves. I call after her:)

Me: “Want to see the scars, too?”

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Mother’s Day Of The Dead

, , , , , | Friendly | June 7, 2018

(A couple teenage boys in front of me at the grocery store are arguing over when Mother’s Day is. They finally turned to me to see who is right.)

Teenage Boy #1: “Mother’s Day is March 11th, right?”

Me: “No, it’s the 13th.”

Teenage Boy #2: “See?! I told you! March 13th!”

Me: “Of May. It’s this weekend.”

Teenage Boy #2: “What?! Oh, s***!”

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It’s A Time For Giving, And Taking Advantage

, , , , | Friendly | June 6, 2018

(I am doing some grocery and Christmas shopping with my daughter when a woman comes up to me, asking if I can help her buy some things for her two small children so they can have a good Christmas. We are on a budget, and I don’t have any spare cash on me, so I tell her to meet me at the checkout counter and I will pay for thirty dollars’ worth. She thanks me, grabs a cart, and goes on her way. When I get to the checkout counter I see her, and she has a full cart filled with stuff! I look at her in horror.)

Me: “Ma’am, I only said I could pay for thirty dollars’ worth; there’s at least three hundred dollars’ worth in your cart.”

(She looks at me and then picks out five items.)

Me: “How much will that total?”

Woman: “About a hundred dollars.”

Me: “I’m sorry; I can only afford thirty.”

(She grumbled and got rid of two of the items, and the remaining three were about thirty-two dollars. I paid for them, but was annoyed to see that the three items were some Christmas lights, a kitchen knife set, and a lighted Santa decoration for the windows. I originally agreed to thirty dollars because she said she wanted her kids to have a merry Christmas, and I thought she was going to pick stuff for them, but apparently not!)

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