Running Out Of Ram

, , , , , | Friendly | June 23, 2018

(I am the customer, standing in line at the checkout. The next thing I know I get rammed really hard by a grocery cart from an elderly customer that comes up behind me.)

Me: “Excuse me. Please be more careful and don’t do that again.”

Customer: “MOVE, MOVE, MOVE!” *rams me again*

Me: *loudly* “You need to stop that now!

Customer: “Move! Go faster! I don’t have time to waste waiting for your a** to get checked out!” *rams me yet again*

Me: *grabbing her cart so she can’t hit me again, I lean in, giving her my nastiest look* “If you hit me with your cart again, I am going to take all of your groceries and shove them right up your a**!”

(The customer looks a little frightened, then huffs and stalks off.)

Cashier: “WOW!”

Me: “I know. That was unbelievable, wasn’t it?”

Cashier: “She comes in here at least once a week and does the same thing to whoever is in front of her; you are the first one to ever stand up to her!”

Me: “I guess she will think twice about ramming someone with her cart again.”

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A Cashless Karmic Transaction

, , , , , | Friendly | June 22, 2018

(It is December, and holiday gift shopping is in full swing. I’m minding my own business, paying with cash in a store.)

Customer: *behind me, scoffs* “Who uses cash anymore these days? Get with the times.”

(I ignore her and continue on my way to another store nearby. I’m in line to pay when the cashier announces that the electronic payment system is down. Later I learn this isn’t just the store’s problem, but stores across the entire country are having issues. They’re currently serving all customers who can pay with cash first while working on a solution for those who can’t. Coincidentally, the same customer is in the line in front of me. As I pass her to go pay, I can’t resist.)

Me: “Who pays cash these days? People who aren’t screwed right now.”

(The look on her face was absolutely worth it.)

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Don’t Want To Be In This Club Anymore

, , , , , , | Friendly | June 21, 2018

(I have volunteered at a kids’ carnival in my town for the last 15 years, since I was a kid myself. I have never had issues and I am always hard-working, despite a lack of people helping each and every year. It runs about four hours long, but it makes me happy to just help out. I am running the putt-putt golf game; basically, you shoot the ball into the hole from two feet away. Kids of any age can play. I am supplied the clubs and foam balls. This lady comes up and gives me her ticket and her kid plays. He doesn’t make it in, but I give him a prize, anyway. The mom is livid and she rips the club out of the kid’s hand.)

Kid’s Mom: “What the f***?! Are you trying to kill my kid here with these iron clubs?!”

Me: “Ma’am, it’s plastic, and please stop yelling.”

Kid’s Mom: “F*** you! You’re trying to kill my kid!”

(She starts yelling and swinging the club, brushing my arm.)

Kid’s Mom: “I’m calling my husband to bring new clubs here!”

(And like that, she takes the clubs from the game and storms off. I have to go explain to the event chief what she has done and that I cant run the game. If that wasn’t bad enough, a police officer comes up to me:)

Officer: “Are you the one running the golf game?”

(When I say yes, he puts me in handcuffs!)

Officer: “You’re being arrested for endangering a child, and groping a child and their mother.”

Me: *livid* “I have witnesses!”

Officer: “It’s your word versus hers.”

(She was distraught and crying right then to the officer’s partner. Thank God there were cameras in the school and it recorded everything to show I was right. The police said she was not going to be punished for this; that it was just an honest mistake. Since this happened, the school does not want me back, just in case, because of this woman and her complaint… all because she didn’t like the clubs I was supplied. Furthermore, I got charged for those clubs, since they did not get returned.)

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Acting Like The First Three Letters From “Assume”

, , , , , | Friendly | June 20, 2018

(I’m walking my dog in the park, when I get hit in the back of my head. I turn around.)

Woman: “NEVER ASSUME, YOU BI— Oh, wrong person.”

(She then trots away like nothing happened. I am standing there in shock of the spontaneous attack.)

Me: “Did she just assume I was someone else, and then yell at me for assuming?”

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Long Hair, Short Argument

, , , , | Friendly | June 19, 2018

(All my children have long hair through preschool. They look like Kurt Cobain or Bilbo the Hobbit or Robert Plant, and wear no clothes that could be gendered as feminine, by their choice. I have this kind of conversation with strangers so often for so many years that it has became a well-established ritual, usually with strangers in the street.)

Woman: “Oh, my! Your daughter is so well-behaved!”

Me: “Actually, he is a boy.”

Woman: “You couldn’t tell with long hair. Long hair is for girls.”

Me: “But you have short hair.”

Woman: *disconcerted* “Yes, but not all women have long hair.”

Me: “And not all boys have short hair. Moreover, he doesn’t wear dress. He wears blue jeans… like you. Are you a man?”

Woman: *realizing that crying “discrimination” would make her a fool* “I must go. Bye.”

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