That Age-Old Competition

, , , , , , | Friendly | October 20, 2017

(This is my grandma’s story, in which she is a customer and another woman is trying to push into the queue.)

Woman: “Let me in front; I’m 72!”

Grandma: “Well, I’m 81, so get back in line!”

Pregnant With Rage

, , , , , , | Right | October 20, 2017

(I’m pregnant, which means I can’t carry anything heavier than five pounds. My boyfriend and I are checking out at the store. One of the things we’re buying is a six-pound package of pork, so when the cashier bags it, I wait for my boyfriend to pay so he can move it.)

Customer: “Wow, you’re lazy!”

Me: “Huh?”

Customer: “Not moving the bag that’s pretty clearly there. Waiting for your manservant to get it?”

Me: “I can’t pick it up.”

Customer: “Why? Because you’re a lazy fat-a**?”

Boyfriend: “No, she’s pregnant and picking it up could cause us to lose the baby. Now f*** off and mind your own business.”

(The customer glares at us and walks off. My boyfriend apologizes to the cashier.)

Boyfriend: “Sorry about the language.”

Cashier: “Don’t worry about it; I would have said the same thing.”

Shouldn’t Engage In Pillow Talk

, , , , , | Friendly | October 20, 2017

(We stop at my brother’s store during a big sale. It is so busy that we volunteer to help. As I am helping one elderly lady, it becomes apparent that she has just discovered that my brother is gay.)

Elderly Lady: “I just don’t like to think about what he does. It’s so…” *she shudders*

Me: “What do you do in your bedroom?”

Elderly Lady: “That’s none of your business!”

Me: “Precisely, ma’am. Whatever happens in the bedroom should concern only those in that bedroom.”

(She stared at me with her mouth open before slinking off to the checkout.)

Fake News Has Two Sides

, , , , , | Friendly | October 18, 2017

(I work for a national news network known for taking a more conservative stance on political issues. I’m riding the Metro home from work the day after President Trump’s inauguration, and am caught in all the “Women’s March” traffic. It’s so packed that I’m literally up against a wall with other people. They’re all very friendly and everyone is having a good time. At one stop, two seats open up behind me.)

Lady: *from the march* “You go ahead and take that seat.”

Me: “Oh, it’s okay; I’ve been sitting at work all day.”

Lady: “Oh, what do you do?”

Me: “I’m a news producer.” *at this point, I’m a little nervous to tell her where I work*

Lady: “At what outlet?”

Me: “Uhh… Don’t make me answer that.”

Lady: *in shock* “But you’re so nice!”

(Didn’t know I had to be a jerk to work at my news agency. Oh, well.)

Driving On The Wrong Side Of Misogyny

, , , , | Friendly | October 16, 2017

(I’m leaving work and am about to pull out of the parking lot when a traffic collision occurs just a few feet in front of my bumper. After checking to see that everyone is okay, I pull my car back further into the parking lot so as not to inhibit the flow of traffic. This particular parking lot has two entrances, but only one exit, and the cars involved are partially blocking that exit, forcing others to go around. Nearby are the two drivers, a male and a female, and a handful of witnesses. Some people rubberneck while driving past, and a few roll down their windows to check if everyone is all right. One man rolls down his window to call out something in a cheerful voice. No one is quite able to hear what he said.)

Female Witness: *smiling* “Sorry?”

Male In Car: *louder* “If you don’t like the way women drive, stay off the sidewalk!””

(He chuckles to himself while any smiles there might have been on the witnesses’ face fade. He notices that nobody else is laughing at his joke.)

Male In Car: “It’s [Famous Comedian]! From his stand-up!”

(Nope. Pretty sure that sexist remark was all you, buddy.)

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