Her Heart Failed A Long Time Ago

, , , , , | Friendly | November 30, 2018

(My mum decides to hire out a hall at a very popular local park and run a Christmas Fair. Whilst she is deciding whether she should do the Christmas Fair or not, my dad goes for surgery six weeks after an unexpected heart attack and dies on the operating table. As a result, we decide that rather charge for admission we will ask for a £2-per-adult donation for a big national charity that researches heart conditions and supports those with heart conditions. Due to a mix-up that we only realise afterwards, the local park has advertised the Fair as “free entry.” Therefore, a few people grumble at having to pay. Since it is a charitable donation, we just inform them that we can’t make them pay if they don’t want to, and they can go straight in. The Fair turns out to be very, very popular, and there is a long queue to get in. Two of my sisters and I are running the front desk at the entrance. An old woman storms up to me.)

Old Woman: “Excuse me. This event was free entry! I’m very annoyed that you are now suddenly charging admission! I’ve brought sixteen people with me, and this is unfair!”

(She is fumbling around in her purse and slams 50p on the table.)

Me: “Well, we are asking for a charitable donation for [Heart Charity]. We can’t make you pay it if you don’t want to. We are just trying to raise some money.”

Old Woman: “Oh, good!”

(She leaves the 50p on the table and flounces in. As she moves away, she yells back to the group of women she has brought.)

Old Woman: “You don’t have to pay! Just walk straight in!”

(My sisters and I all dropped our jaws at the audacity of what she said. A few of the women in the party followed the old woman, but the majority of her party stopped. They pulled out their purses and donated the £2, looking noticeably embarrassed. In the end, we raised thousands for the charity in my dad’s name, and the event was a hit!)

I Believe In The Power Of Dog

, , , , , , | Friendly | November 29, 2018

(I work at a boarding kennel for dogs and cats. Part of the job is walking the dogs — the friendly ones, anyway — once or twice a day. I am walking a big, goofy, friendly black lab at the parking area. A middle-aged woman and a girl of about eight or nine park there and cautiously approach me.)

Me: “Can I help you?”

Woman: “Yes, is the family home?”

(To this day I’m not sure if she didn’t realize that it was a business, but regardless, there is no “family,” just my boss and her husband.)

Me: “The owner is down at the office, and her husband works nights, so he’s likely asleep right now.”

Woman: “Is it all right if I leave some literature?”

(She is holding some Bible tracts.)

Me: “The kennel has a no solicitors policy, and like I said, her husband is probably sleeping and wouldn’t take kindly to being woken up.”

Woman: “Do you go to church?”

Me: “I don’t discuss religion or politics in the workplace, ma’am.”

(This is still true, to this day.)

Woman: “Can I leave these with you?”

(I’m getting annoyed. Fortunately, the lab I’m walking is very excited at the prospect of meeting new people, so he’s really tugging on the leash. The little girl looks like she wants to pet the dog, but the woman looks wary, so I use his behavior as an excuse.)

Me: “He’s getting pretty agitated… Better get back in your car! I’ll get him back to his cage!”

Woman: “Oh, my! Be careful!”

Me: “I’ll try! Have a nice day!”

(The lab and I ran back down to the kennel. I kept an eye out, just in case she tried bothering the boss’s husband, but common sense won and she just left. I don’t bother people about their religions. I might even discuss religion with someone if I was interested. But DON’T force your religion on other people. They’re not interested in handouts or being bothered while they’re working, at home, or otherwise minding their own business.)

Beggars Belief How Rich They Are

, , , , , | Friendly | November 28, 2018

(I am a university student, and money is beyond tight. I am walking through the station, catching a train home for the holidays, when a beggar stops me, asking for money.)

Beggar: “Hey, you. I need money for a ticket; can you spare me a tenner?”

Me: “Sorry, I don’t have any coins on me.”

Beggar: “That’s okay; I can easily break a hundred for you.”

Me: “Then you have more money than me, so no. Goodbye.”

(She followed me, cursing at me all through the station, until I detoured past a couple of police officers walking by and slipped away.)

All Smoke And Candies

, , , , , , | Friendly | November 28, 2018

My mother and I were waiting for the bus, sitting in a picnic-style table, and I went inside the bus station. When I came back, my mother was arguing with some man, and he was gesturing lewdly at his crotch and giving us the middle finger.

When I asked my mother what had happened, she told me that the man was about to smoke near her, and she asked politely that he go smoke a little ways away, because she has asthma.

That apparently didn’t sit well with him, and he was very rude. She snapped at him at some point and told him to go to h***.

Apparently, he started feeling remorse, as he bought some candy from the store inside and threw them at our table.

You Booze, You Lose

, , , , , , | Friendly | November 27, 2018

(My friends and I have decided to spend our Saturday night at our favourite bar. Because I’m the designated driver, I’m sticking to a soda. I’ve left my half-finished drink on my table to go dancing. I figure that it’ll be safe, because one of my friends is staying at the table. When I get back, my glass is completely empty.)

Me: “What the h***? What happened to my soda?”

Friend: *grinning* “You know that creepy guy that’s always hanging around, waiting for other people to leave their drinks unattended so that he can finish them?”

Me: “You mean he drank my soda?”

Friend: “Yup.”

Me: “Why didn’t you stop him?”

Friend: “Because he was obviously hoping that it was alcoholic. He looked really peeved that it was only soda.”

Me: “Well, that’s great and all, but now I’m drinkless.”

Friend: “I’ll buy you another one. It was worth it just to see his face.”

(I don’t know if the creepy guy changed his ways after that, but he never tried to steal one of my drinks again, anyway.)

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