Steel Yourself For Some Stealing

, , , , , , | Friendly | July 21, 2014

(In the subway, some people sneak a free ride by jumping after you in the gate. I HATE it when they do it to me without asking me first. However, when people ask me politely if they can sneak in behind me, I always give them one of my tickets, hoping it will inspire them to be generous toward other people, too. Most of the time, they take my ticket, smile, and say, “Thank you.” Today, I’m about to enter and an elderly lady comes to me.)

Lady: “Hello. May I sneak in with you, please?”

Me: “No, take this!”

(I give her a ticket and I enter. I’m waiting for my train when she comes to me, probably after sneaking in with someone else, and shows me the unused ticket I gave her.)

Lady: “Excuse me. I cannot steal this from you.”

Me: “You’re not stealing anything from me. This is a gift.”

Lady: “I don’t want to take your ticket. I’m a Christian. I don’t want to steal from other people!”

Me: “Accepting a gift is not stealing, and anyway, it cost me hardly more than one euro. I just want to be nice to you. Please.”

Lady: “No, I cannot do that!”

Me: “Please, take it and help a complete stranger in turn. Then suggest to him or her to help another stranger. And so on!”

Lady: “No, I don’t want to do that! I’m a good Christian. I don’t steal from other people. Just take your ticket back!”

Me: “You’re a Christian and you don’t want me to make a good deed?”

Lady: “I don’t want to STEAL!”

Me: “Actually, sneaking in IS stealing from the transportation control, you know? I don’t want to be an accessory to stealing. Please, just take it. It’s just a ticket.”

Lady: “No! It would be WRONG!”

(She left the ticket on a bench instead of accepting it. The thing is, there are often controls in that subway and the fines are huge. Not only was she uncaring and rude, but she was also stupid not to accept my gift.)


This story is part of our Subway roundup!

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Animal Madness

, , , , | Friendly | May 31, 2014

(I’m shopping at the mall when, suddenly, a guy I have never seen before in my life walks right in front of me and stares at me for a few seconds.)

Guy: “Penguin.”

Me: “Uh, polar bear?”

Guy: “Well, that’s harsh!”

(He stomped off as if I had said something really offensive. To this day, I still have no idea what that was about.)


This story is part of our Polar Bear roundup! This is the last story in the roundup, but we have plenty of others you might enjoy!

18 Chill-Inducing Stories About Freezing Weather And Those Who Can’t Handle It (And A Few Who Can)

 

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Inheriting Some Real Hot Real Estate

, , , , , , | Friendly | May 8, 2014

(I’m riding a subway and working on a crossword puzzle one day when an elderly woman carrying a Bible sits down in the seat across from me. After a moment or two of staring at me, she points at my T-shirt, a collage of AC/DC album covers.)

Elderly Woman: “You listen to rock music, young man?”

Me: “Yes.”

(She then points at my crossword puzzle.)

Elderly Woman: “And you’re left-handed!”

Me: “So?”

Elderly Woman: “You’re going to the 12th circle of Hell, young man!”

Me: “I’ve read ‘The Divine Comedy.’ There are only nine circles, according to Dante. So apparently, I’m getting my own private home in Hell? Thanks!”


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A Streetcar Named Cheshire

, , , , , | Right | November 18, 2013

(I’m taking my cat to the vet in a carrier. I don’t have a car, so I’m taking the streetcar; it’s mostly empty except for an older woman.)

Older Woman: “You go to vet?”

Me: “Yeah, it’s time for my girl’s checkup.”

Older Woman: “May I see?”

Me: “Sure.”

Older Woman: *pets my cat* “Oh, such soft fur. What dog?”

Me: “Oh, she’s not a dog. She’s a cat.”

Older Woman: “Rare to see such soft dog. Good brushing!”

Me: “Again, thank you, but she’s a cat.”

Older Woman: “And well behaved! Dogs bark!”

Cat: “Meow!”

Older Woman: “You and dog have good day!”

Me: *to my cat* “Sorry, girl, but you’re a dog today.”

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Because She Isn’t Suffering Enough

, , , , | Right | November 13, 2013

(After a weekend vacation camping with my husband, I wake up with a bad allergic reaction that swells me up and covers me with hives. It’s so bad that my tongue has even swollen up and my eyes are squinted nearly shut. We’re sitting at the hospital waiting room and waiting to be called when a lady comes in and notices me.)

Woman: “Oh, my God! What happened to you? Did you get hit by bees?”

Husband: “We went camping this weekend, so we think something in the woods got on her clothes and gave her a bad allergic reaction.”

Woman: “And you’re all covered with bumps, too. Oh, my God! Is she mute, too?”

Husband: “No, she can talk, but her throat is hurting her and her tongue is swollen.”

(I even open my mouth to show her.)

Woman: *freaked out* “Oh, my God! She looks like a raspberry. Why haven’t you taken her to the doctor before now? She looks horrible!”

Husband: “Um…” *looks around the emergency room* “Well, it just happened this morning when she woke up. If it gets too severe, I’m sure the nurses will come out and give her an epi-shot or something.”

Woman: “I hope they do. I can’t imagine going anywhere outside looking that bloated and blotchy. Don’t worry, honey; I’m sure you don’t look that bad when you look normal!”

(As she says this, the woman pats my knee cautiously, like I’m going to give her some infection.)

Woman: “Just… oh, my God!”


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