(My dog is grey with black spots all over, making her look like a dark Dalmatian. Her unusual markings get her a lot of attention and I’m used to answering a ton of questions about her, some of which get strangely personal, but only one woman has ever gotten really creepy about it.)

Woman: “Oh, my God! Your dog is beautiful! What kind is she?”

Me: “Thank you! She’s an Australian Shepard, Sheltie, and lab mix.”

Woman: “Oh, wow. Where did you get her?”

Me: “A friend of ours owns her mother; it’s how we’re so sure of her breeds.”

Woman: “Excellent! How much are they charging for them?”

Me: *not really understanding her* “I’m sorry? Charging for what?”

Woman: “For the puppies! I want one just like yours!”

Me: “Um, well, it was just my dog and her brother I’m afraid; there aren’t any more puppies.”

Woman: *cutting me off* “No, no, I mean when is the next litter expected?”

Me: *realizing this woman thinks my friend is a dog breeder* “Oh, no! I think we’ve gotten a little mixed up here. My friend isn’t breeding them; her dog just got pregnant unexpectedly.”

Woman: *suddenly angry* “Well, tell her she should! People would pay a lot of money for dogs like that!”

Me: “Umm, okay… They probably won’t go for it, though.”

(Not only are my friends not interested in breeding for money, but their dog was believed to be sterile and the pregnancy almost killed the poor dog, so I doubt they’d subject her to that again!)

Woman: *already moving forward aggressively* “Can I at least pet your dog? She’s just so cute!”

Me: *remembering all the horror stories I’ve heard about dog-napping* “Uh, she really doesn’t like strangers, and in fact, I really need to be going!”

(I pretty much ran away from her at that point, eager to not deal with her anymore, but not before I heard one last, “Your friend really SHOULD breed them!” Later, when relating the tale to my father, he proceeded to spend the next five minutes lecturing my dog about how she’d just narrowly avoided getting turned into a coat by Cruella DeVil. Now, whenever my dog misbehaves, I remind her of what a lovely coat she’d make!)

(I’m in a wheelchair. My partner rolls me into the elevator. An elderly man grabs my handlebars from her and pulls and shifts me until he’s turned me around completely. I’m panicking too much to speak.)

Elderly Man: “There you go, sweetie!”

(We were both in shock as he exited the elevator, not even riding it. He never spoke to either of us, aside from what I wrote. Would you grab a walking person and forcibly turn them around?!)

(My mom and I are doing our weekly grocery run to get stuff for my infant daughter. As we are ringing up our purchases, another older couple comes up behind us and smiles at my daughter sitting in the cart.)

Man: “Oh, what a cute little boy. Hey, little fella!”

Woman: “That’s a little girl.”

Man: “No, it isn’t.”

Me: “Yeah, she’s a girl.”

Man: “But… she’s wearing blue!”

(My daughter is wearing a dark blue onesie. I look down at my men’s jeans and combat boots.)

Me: “That doesn’t mean anything. She plays with cars as much as she does her tea set. And I use power tools more than my husband does.”

(My daughter took this moment to pick up her pink security blanket and start sucking her thumb. The lady was laughing at this point. The guy looked SO embarrassed, so I cut him a break and finished checking out without further comment.)

(I have two dogs and an acre and a half — more than a football field — surrounding my house for them to play in. I thought about a physical fence to keep them in, but they stick to their boundaries without it, so I decide against it. One day, I am out playing with my dogs when a lab mix I’ve never seen before comes wandering in the yard. My dogs are, understandably, upset by this intruder and bark at it but never advance. I take them back inside immediately to decompress and watch the dog wander off. Not ten minutes later, there is a knock on my door. A man I don’t recognize is standing there with the mystery dog.)

Man: “You told your dogs to attack my dog!”

Me: “Um… hello?”

Man: *mocking* “‘Um, hello!’”

Me: “That’s your dog?”

Man: “Yes!”

Me: “Oh. Um, well, hello. I’m [My Name].” *extends my hand*

Man: *smacks my hand away* “I ought to call the cops on you. Vicious dogs and no fence!”

Me: “They barked. It’s what dogs do.”

Man: “They attacked my dog! He just wanted to play!”

Me: “And where were you?”

Man: “I got better things to do than watch my dog take a s*** and walk around.”

Me: “Sir, you’re aware there’s a hefty fine for not having your dog on a leash when it’s not on your property?”

Man: “He wanted to play with your dogs! What’s the big deal?”

Me: “My dogs were on my property and chased your unrestrained, stranger-dog away. And you were nowhere in sight. That’s the big deal.”

Man: “So?”

Me: “If you want your dog to play with mine, I have no problem with that. But I don’t know you and I don’t know your dog, so I’m certainly not going to let my dogs interact with him.”

Man: “I know a f****** pit-bull when I see one! They’ll get a bullet between their eyes for this!”

Me: *seeing red* “Leave.”

Man: *steps closer* “Yeah?”

(As if on cue, my dopey dogs finally got up from their naps to see who was at the door, saw the other dog, and barked at it again. The louder one pushed her way past me and got face-to-face with the lab mix. The man grabbed his dog by the collar and marched off. I decided it was time to put up a chain-link fence after all. I have seen him walking his dog past my fence a few times. I always smile and wave but he never acknowledges me. Such neighborly behavior! By the way, my two “pit-bulls” are English Mastiffs.)

(I’m walking down the street to the mall and I get a text message that might be of direct importance, so I take my phone out of my pocket and look. A second later, I notice a man exiting the mall I am just entering, so I look up. He stands still in front of me, blocking my way. There is still a good meter between us.)

Man: “Is your phone so important? Do you really have to bump into people for it?”

Me: “I happened to get a message just now that could be important, so yeah, that happens.”

(I give a polite smile and try to walk past him, but he continues to block me.)

Man: “All you youngsters have no respect! Only ever looking at your phone!”

Me: “Well, I apologise. Excuse me.”

(I decide to ignore him and manage to slip past him.)

Man: “I hope you bump into a wall!”