Playing With Ways To Say Playing With Fire

, , , , | | Friendly | May 15, 2019

(I recently overheard this argument.)

Man: “…it’s dangerous!”

Woman: “Says the man who plays with matches.”

Man: “I don’t play with matches; I burn random junk to see what happens! It’s totally different!”

Trying To Be Neutral About It

, , , , , | | Friendly | May 14, 2019

(I’ve just finished with my shopping, and I come out to my van to find a lady standing next to the car in front of mine, looking at the bumpers. The other car was there before I got there, and I left around a foot of space between that car and mine when I parked. When I start loading my groceries into my car, the woman comes stomping between our cars.)

Woman: “You parked too close!”

Me: *thinking that a foot of distance really isn’t “too close”* “I’m sorry?”

Woman: “You could have scratched my car!”

Me: “Glad that I didn’t, then.”

(I’ve finished putting the last of my bags in the car, so I shut it, and I turn and start pushing my cart towards the cart return area. The woman follows.)

Woman: “You need to leave more space! You could have hit my car!”

(I was not even bothering to respond at this point. I put the cart away, walked around her to get back to my car, and got in, while she kept complaining about me being “too close.” She actually rapped on the glass of my car after I got in, but I just started my car and pulled out, taking some care to avoid running over her toes, before driving off. Looking in the mirror, I saw her pouting with her arms folded in front of my now-empty space. Sorry that I’m not willing to play along with your delusions, miss.)

Made A Boob Of Herself Via Yours

, , , , , , , | | Friendly | May 13, 2019

(Our college has a small gym and locker room with three shower stalls with curtains for privacy. In fact, the locker room has a lot of little options and ways to change privately so you don’t have to walk around naked if you don’t want to. I’m more introverted and modest, and I greatly appreciate the privacy while my friend who, although she doesn’t walk around in her birthday suit every day, is much more comfortable with her body and is very extroverted and talkative. She’s in the middle stall with me humming quietly to myself to the right of her, and a frustrated sounding woman to the left of her, indicated with some grunts and sighs. Suddenly, the woman to the left of her stops her shower, wraps herself in a towel, and marches over to my friend’s stall, yanking the curtain.)

Friend: “Hey!”

Woman: “Would you stop the—” *pause* “Whoops, sorry. Wrong one.”

(I freeze and realize that the woman was probably upset with my humming and had thought my friend was doing it. I already stopped when I heard the commotion, but she apparently still wants to give me a piece of my mind because I hear her squeaking footsteps coming towards me! The woman is just about to reach my stall before my friend manages to slide out of her shower and stop her, blocking the woman’s way by spreading her arms and legs out like a barrier.)

Friend: “NO!”

Woman: *recoiling and almost shrieking* “Gaaah! Put on a towel!”

Friend: “Well, hey! You were the one who wanted to see ’em without permission! I’m not letting you see my friend without theirs!”

Woman: “Ew, ew, EW! EwewewewEWWWW!!”

(I hear the woman squeak away and chuckles from other women who are standing in line for the shower. I poke my head out, seeing my friend still standing in the way of my stall, dripping wet and completely nude.)

Me: “I, um… thank you. I didn’t know how fast I could’ve grabbed my towel without slipping.”

Friend: *still standing there* “No problem.”

Me: “She freaked out more than I thought, though. Why was she so grossed out?”

Friend: “That… was an accident. When I slid in front of her, she had been reaching out to grab your curtain away, and well… she kiiiind of grabbed my boob, instead.”

Me: “…”

Friend: “Just a light slap, on the left one. A gentle cup. Definitely wasn’t intentional on my end and completely doubt it was intentional on hers, but it happened. She kind of scratched it when she pulled away, but it doesn’t hurt—“

Me: “[Friend]?”

Friend: “Yeah?”

Me: “Your shower’s still on.”

Friend: “OH, CRAP!”

(We finished up quickly and laughed about the experience afterward. Thankfully, there weren’t that many other people in the line that we took shower time away from, and they all forgave us anyway. We occasionally see that one woman, but she never makes eye contact with us now. I don’t hum to myself anymore, though, just to prevent the situation from ever happening again!)

Even The Streets Have Rent

, , , , , , | | Friendly | May 11, 2019

(There is a man standing at the edge of a parking lot that has three or four fast food places. His clothes are tattered, he looks a little worse for the wear, and he has a cardboard sign that says “hungry” or “need food” or something along those lines. I’m going through the drive-thru to get an iced coffee, so I buy a $5 gift card. I pull up next to the man and give him the gift card in a little envelope with the receipt.)

Man: “Thank you so much.”

Me: “You’re welcome. It’s just a $5 gift card to the coffee place.”

Man: “Oh… I need like $40 to pay my rent.”

Me: “…”

Man: “…”

(He caught me so off guard, I just closed my window and drove away.)

A Cartful Of Rude People

, , , | | Friendly | May 10, 2019

(I have stopped at a department store to buy just a couple of small items, so I don’t grab a basket or cart, but then I also pick up a couple of more things I see that I can use, so my hands are full. I am walking to the register holding my items. I am about to pass a woman pushing a fully-loaded shopping cart in the opposite direction while she is talking with another woman, when she suddenly swerves and turns the cart sideways in the aisle directly in front of me, so close that I have to step back to keep from getting run into. She is directly between two large displays.)

Me: “Excuse me?”

Woman: “Oh, sorry. Excuse me!”

(She then walks away with her friend to look at a display that they have already passed, leaving the cart sideways in front of me blocking the aisle! As my hands are full, I can’t easily move the cart out of the way.)

Me: “Excuse me. Could you please move the cart?”

(The woman glances my way but continues talking with her friend, ignoring me. Using my foot and body to move the heavy cart a bit, I manage to squeeze by to continue to the front of the store. I’ve just taken a few steps.)

Woman: *yelling* “Hey! Why did you move my cart? You didn’t take anything, did you? Hey, I’m talking to you!”

(I glanced at her but kept walking, half expecting her to come after me, but she just stood there, cart still blocking the aisle, and resumed her conversation with her companion, now loudly complaining about rude people.)

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