(There are two guys sitting at a table near me. They’re loud enough that I understand they’re talking in a foreign language but are still at a decent volume. A woman is sending them death glares from her seat. After draining her coffee, she walks by them, forcefully bumping [Guy #1]’s shoulder with her hip. I’m witnessing the exchange between all three.)

Guy #1: *in English* “Excuse me, ma’am, do you need something?”

Lady: *in a condescending tone* “Oh, just some common decency for you to speak English here. Seems you know it well enough. Good for you.”

(She walks towards the exit, acting like she just put the poor guys in their place.)

Guy #2: *also in English* “Do you mean we need to speak English in a country with no official language? Wow, you sure showed us.”

Lady: *whipping her head towards [Guy #2]* “You don’t get to talk to me like that, you f****** immigrant!”

Guy #2: “My brother and I grew up here, hence our local accent. But because you heard us speaking in a different language, we’re automatically immigrants? Where’s the logic in that?”

Lady: “Well, obviously–”

Guy #1: “What’s obvious is that you’re mad you couldn’t eavesdrop on our conversation. You know, the conversation only between us and no one else. You don’t think we noticed your glare the whole time?”

(The woman, as a mature human being, simply flipped them off and stormed out of the cafe. The brothers resumed talking in their own language.)

(My fiance and I have been together for nearly nine years. Every year we go to his uncle’s place for July 4th; they invite family as well as friends outside of the family, most of whom we don’t know. It rained most of yesterday and this morning, July 4th. My fiance’s uncle is worried that any cars without four-wheel drive parked in the lower part of the yard won’t be able to make it out, since the only way out is a very muddy hill. My fiance’s uncle, my fiance, a male mutual friend of ours, and a couple of stocky cousins go down to get the cars out before it gets worse. I end up hanging out with them, and driving some of the cars out, since my fiance’s uncle is drunker than anyone realized. Meanwhile, dinner has been put out. I ask my fiance and mutual friend if they want a beer and some food, since they are busy. They both ask for a beer, so I head back up to the house to get some. I grab a plate of food — because I know my fiance better, and there’s very little food left — when an older man I do not know approaches me while I’m at the beer cooler, where I have three beers in hand.) 

Older Man: “Surely you’re not drinking all those beers?”

Me: *politely but quickly* “Oh, no, I’m getting food and a beer for my fiance and our friend while they’re getting the cars out.”

Older Man: *grabbing a beer for himself* “Oh, so, you’re setting your ‘friend’ up as a backup, huh?”

Me: *flatly* “Excuse me?”

Older Man: *half-laughing* “You know, just in case things don’t work out.” 

Me: *knowing he’s trying to be funny* “I don’t know what you mean.”

(At this point, he fumbles over himself trying to explain it’s a joke.)

Older Man: “It’s just a joke, you know, just in case–“

Me: “I’ve been with my fiance for almost nine years. I love him. I don’t know what you mean by ‘backup.'”

(I walked away as he tried to explain it was a joke. Yes, I know it was a “joke.” Yes, I know what a backup is. No, I don’t think it was funny.)

I’m driving along the main road that I take to work. There are three lanes and the traffic for rush-hour is just starting up. Up ahead of me, I see two cars, one a smaller silver car, and the other is a big, black jeep. The jeep is obviously in a hurry, while the silver car is going under the speed limit, so the jeep signals to try and pass them. Right before they can, the silver car swerves into the lane, cutting the jeep off.

All right, it could be that they just forgot they needed to turn soon or something. So, the jeep shifts to stay in the middle lane. But then the silver car shifts over again, cutting them off. They try for the right lane, and the silver car moves over again. At this point, it is obvious that the silver car is deliberately cutting off the jeep, which, as far as I can tell, hasn’t done anything besides trying to pass the car.

They end up going back and forth across the lanes, cutting off other cars, with the silver car brake-checking a few times, almost causing the jeep to hit them. Finally, the silver car overshoots when trying to cut the jeep off in the right lane and ends up popping up onto the curb. They slam into a fire hydrant, tilting it slightly and causing a burst of steam from the engine. The jeep swerves and drives on, as do several other cars, and so do I. The damage to the silver car doesn’t seem too bad, so they are probably okay, but even if they aren’t, I don’t feel sorry at all, given that they were endangering all of us on their road with that stunt.

(I’m riding the bus with my partner and a friend of ours who’s a few years younger than us. We’re all in our twenties and very nerdy. We’re making silly jokes about sorting the crew of “Star Trek: The Next Generation” into Hogwarts houses or something when another passenger turns around and looks at us. He’s an older man wearing a Hawaiian shirt, not very well-groomed, and reeking of cigarettes. He directs the following remarks to my partner, completely ignoring our friend and me:)

Stranger: “Hey, you!”

Partner: “Um, yes?”

Stranger: *in a weirdly sneering, accusatory tone* “What’s your job?”

Partner: “I work in publishing.”

Stranger: *clearly a bit thrown by my partner having a “real” job, but forging on anyway* “Well, do you know anything about securities?”

Partner: “No.”

Stranger: “You don’t.”

Partner: “No.”

Stranger: “Why not?”

Partner: “It’s not my job.”

Stranger: “Oh. Huh. Well. I just thought… uh, you sounded like a real smart guy there, so I thought you might know something about it.”

Partner: “Nope.”

(The stranger gets off the bus at the next stop and I start laughing.)

Friend: “What’s so funny?”

Me: “Well, you remember how earlier today I was having lunch with my friend from high school, the one who’s a lawyer? And how I invited her to come along with us, too, but she couldn’t make it?”

Friend: “Yeah?”

Me: “Well, clearly El Rando there was going after [Partner] because he thought he was the ‘alpha male’ of our group or something. But [High School Friend] actually specializes in banking law… with an emphasis on securities. She’s gonna be so grumpy she missed on an opportunity to lecture some sexist old man about legal technicalities.”

(I’m at the grocery store and need to get some produce. A couple and an elderly lady have stopped to chat and are nearly blocking the main path into the produce area. I’m in a foul mood, and I silently push my cart between the two parties to get where I need to be, keeping careful not to hit anyone. The elderly lady then turns to me.)

Elderly Lady: “What do you say?”

Me: “Quit blocking a high-traffic area!”

(I think she was expecting an “excuse me”!)