The Most Dangerous Creature In The Room

, , | Friendly | August 11, 2016

(I own a 210 lbs, very lazy mastiff. I’ve taken him with me to a dog friendly brewery to meet with a friend of mine. Once we get there my dog promptly falls asleep. We are just talking when we are approached by a woman with a small dog.)

Woman: “You can’t have that beast here!”

Me: “Why not? You have your dog and mine has just as much right to be here as yours.”

Woman: “My dog actually behaves! That behemoth will wreck everything!”

(While she is saying this my dog is sound asleep not making a peep and hers is continually barking. Since I won’t back down she goes and gets the manager.)

Manager: “Sir, I’ve got reports that your dog is being aggressive and growling at other patrons.”

Me: “That’s not true at all. He’s been asleep the whole time we’ve been here.”

Woman: “No, he hasn’t! I heard him growling!”

(An admittedly loud noise comes from where my dog is laying.)

Woman: “See! He just did it again. Get him out of here before he attacks my dog and everyone else here.”

Me: “Ma’am, that’s called snoring. He’s sound asleep.”

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Not-So-Sweet Candy

, | Friendly | July 9, 2016

(I have just bought several large containers of assorted candy from a popular market and I am currently waiting for a streetcar. A homeless woman who was sitting nearby approaches me.)

Homeless Woman: “Excuse me, can you lend me some money for food? It doesn’t have to be a lot.”

Me: “I don’t have any money on me right now but I just bought some candy. Here, take a container.” *I hold the containers of candy out for her to choose one*

Homeless Woman: “NO!” *walks away*

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Adopting A New View On Nannies

, , , , , , | Friendly | June 7, 2016

(I spent a year as a live-in nanny for a very nice Korean family. They’d had triplets after years of trying to get pregnant, and when the kids turn 4 years old the mom decides she wants to start training to pick her career back up when they reach school age. So, I move in to help out. It is a great deal; I receive weekly pay with free room and board, and Sundays off. One of my responsibilities is to take the kids to their dance and martial arts lessons. This happens after I’ve been nannying for them for about two months.)

Me: *taking the kids’ shoes off so they can run onto the training mat area* “Okay, have fun! I’ll be right over here where the chairs are. Bye!”

(I say small words like “hello,” “goodbye,” and “please” in Korean because their parents want them to be bilingual. The three kids, two girls and a boy, run off to join their martial arts class. This class is primarily karate based.)

Random Woman: *drops her kid off and comes over to me* “I just wanted to say that I think it’s great what you’re doing!”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Random Woman: “You are so generous! Adopting those three babies from their impoverished country to give them a better life here! Bless you!”

Me: *I’m only twenty-one and it’s clear how young I am* “Um… I didn’t adopt—”

Random Woman: “And you’re even preserving their culture by bringing them here and using some of their native words!”

Me: “Okay, ma’am, first of all this is a karate class, which is primarily from Japan. Those kids are Korean, and the traditional martial art of Korea is taekwondo. Second thing, I didn’t adopt them; I’m probably not even eligible to adopt anyone right now. I’m their nanny.”

Random Woman: “What?! An Asian family with a white nanny?!”

Me: “Yes… it’s a great job. ”

Random Woman: *starts turning red* “Well, I… humph!”

(She goes across the room to wait for her kid to finish class. My three kids come running over to me. They call me “Imo,” a Korean word for “Aunt”.)

Kids: “Imo! Imo! Did you see us?”

Me: “Yep, you all did great! Who wants to go home and have some frozen yogurt?”

Kids: “Me, me, me!”

(As we were leaving I heard the woman’s kid whining about getting frozen yogurt, and I had to smile a little bit.)

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Stress About The Dress

, , , , | Working | April 26, 2016

(I’m an overweight woman, who has always struggled with weight due to a non-functioning thyroid. I struggle to find a store that caters to larger brides until I find this one, so I go to see what they have. There’s a large woman (probably about 5’5″ and 350-380 pounds) on the stage in the center of the room having a fitting done. I’m browsing the catalogs when I hear an exchange between a daughter and her mother and the manager. The daughter is a thin girl who appears spoiled with how she talks. The daughter is staring at the larger woman on the stage, and leans in to her mother.)

Daughter: “I can’t believe someone like her is actually getting married!”

Mother: “I didn’t think whales mated for life!”

(The bride-to-be has clearly heard the comments, and is looking devastated. She takes a step away from the manager who is doing the fitting, but the manager stops her and walks up to the mother and daughter.)

Manager: “I can’t believe you think you’re going to get a dress from my store.”

Daughter: “Well, joke’s on you, then, because I’m actually here to pick it up! Besides, I’ve already paid.”

Manager: “Oh, you’re picking up your order? What’s the name?”

Mother: “It’s [Name].”

Manager: “All right…”

(The manager goes behind the counter, taps some things on the register, and then hands a receipt.)

Manager: “I need you to sign this.”

Mother: “What’s this?”

(The mother signs anyway.)

Manager: “That’s you signing that you have accepted a full refund for your purchase. You can find another store to get your dresses. I just cancelled your order and am refusing you service. Now leave before I call the police.”

Daughter: “YOU CAN’T DO THIS! MY WEDDING IS IN NEXT WEEK! HOW DARE YOU!”

(The daughter starts throwing things around.)

Mother: “We had those dresses custom made! How could you cancel her order?! Look at her!”

Manager: “I cancelled the order because I am not going to let any bride feel like she’s not worthy of marriage just because of her size. Clearly you both feel that you are better than others, and I have no place for clients that are, frankly, a**-holes. I’m calling the police, and since I still have your card information, I’m going to charge you for whatever damages your daughter causes.”

(The manager picked up the phone. The mother grabbed her daughter and they rushed out of the door. I ended up buying my dress from them, and it was BEAUTIFUL! Turned out the manager had a daughter who had a severe thyroid disease and had struggled with weight as well!)

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A Streetcar Named Cheshire

, , , , , | Right | November 18, 2013

(I’m taking my cat to the vet in a carrier. I don’t have a car, so I’m taking the streetcar; it’s mostly empty except for an older woman.)

Older Woman: “You go to vet?”

Me: “Yeah, it’s time for my girl’s checkup.”

Older Woman: “May I see?”

Me: “Sure.”

Older Woman: *pets my cat* “Oh, such soft fur. What dog?”

Me: “Oh, she’s not a dog. She’s a cat.”

Older Woman: “Rare to see such soft dog. Good brushing!”

Me: “Again, thank you, but she’s a cat.”

Older Woman: “And well behaved! Dogs bark!”

Cat: “Meow!”

Older Woman: “You and dog have good day!”

Me: *to my cat* “Sorry, girl, but you’re a dog today.”

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