Welcome To The Performance Pad

, , , , , | Friendly | September 8, 2017

(I work as part of a performing troupe that sometimes gets hired for private events. I am working one such event as an atmospheric performer. I need to use the bathroom between sets; however, in the bathroom, I discover I needed sanitary items and don’t have any on hand. Just at that moment however, several guests walk into the bathroom, INCREDIBLY drunk.)

Guest #1: “This party is so much fun!”

Me: *from inside the stall* “Um, excuse me… would any of you ladies happen to have a pad?”

(From outside, I hear a lot of mumbling and a purse unzipping before one is passed under the stall.)

Me: “Thank you.”

(I finish my business and walk out of the stall. As I’m washing my hands, one of the ladies turns to look at me.)

Guest #2: “Oh my gosh, are you one of the performers?!”

(I nod politely.)

Guest #2: “Oh my God, oh my God! You were fantastic!” *turns to her friends* “Guys, guys, guys! I gave one of the performers a pad!”

Guest #1: *equally drunk* “Oh my God, really?”

(I left the bathroom at this point, still hearing them all yell excitedly that “she had given one of the performers a pad!”)

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Just Try To Steal Away From Them

, , , , , | Friendly | September 8, 2017

(A customer has come to me asking if I can find an item for her. I take her to where the stock is. I take an item off the hook to show her, but because the stock in that area is tightly packed, I knock a few small items off neighboring hooks. As I reach down to pick them up, I notice that her bag is on the shelf right underneath and is open.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but I’ve knocked some items down; would you mind checking to see if any have fallen into your bag?”


Me: “I wasn’t accusing you; I was the one who may have knocked something into it. I was just asking if you would check!”

Customer: “I’VE NEVER BEEN SO INSULTED IN ALL OF MY LIFE, BEING ACCUSED OF BEING A THIEF!” *flings the item at me and storms off*

Me: “I honestly didn’t accuse you of being a thief; I’m sorry if you thought so.”

(She turned the corner abruptly, knocking one of the items I dropped out of a fold in her bag.)

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Their Humanity Is Not Up To The Mark

, , , , , , | Friendly | September 7, 2017

(I have a stork bite [red birthmark] on my forehead and down the side of my nose. I’m working the check-out, and am ringing up an older gentleman. Everything is going fine until…)

Customer: “You have something on your face.”

Me: “Oh, you mean my birthmark?”

(The man thinks for a bit, then leans right in and pokes me hard on my forehead.)

Customer: “That’s where God said, ‘I.’” *pokes me hard* “’Hate.’” *pokes me hard again* “’You.’” *pokes me hard one last time*

(The man then happily grabbed his purchase and walked out. I was too stunned to say anything.)

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Riding On False Charity

, , , | Friendly | September 6, 2017

(I’m in my sixties and am on my way to an appointment. I’ve stopped at a convenience store to grab a drink, and as I reach the entrance, a woman, I’d estimate to be about 35 to 40, who had been standing in front of the store, grabs the handle, pulls open the door, and motions for me to enter. I thank her and continue into the store. She follows.)

Woman: “You know, I held the door for you, and I didn’t have to.”

Me: “Yes, that was very kind; thank you again!”

Woman: “I need a ride.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Woman: “You need to give me a ride home. I held the door for you so you would give me a ride.”

Me: “That’s not the way it works. Anyway, I’m on a very tight schedule and don’t have time to make a detour.”

Woman: “You are so rude; I held the door for you!”

Me: “Yes, you did, and I said thank you. Now please excuse me, I’m in a bit of a hurry.”

Woman: *yelling, as I walk away* “You young people are so ungrateful and disrespectful. You need to show respect to your elders! I held the door for you!”

(The clerk apologized and told me that she lives only a block away, but always demands a ride home from a random customer whenever she walks to the store to get her cigarettes.)

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You Should Quilt While You’re Ahead

, , , | Friendly | September 6, 2017

(My fiancé and I are on the market for a nice cabinet/wardrobe for storing my crafts. I decide to stop by this well-known furniture store and see if they have what I’m looking for. I’m greeted multiple times, before finally stopped by a woman who asks me what I’m looking for. After explaining, she shows me to a very nice Amish cabinet that’s a bit out of our budget, but I’m still willing to get a picture and show it to my fiancé.)

Sales Woman: “What are your plans for this?”

Me: *as I’m measuring the depth* “I’m into crafts, so I need a place to store them.”

Sales Woman: “Oh? What kind of crafts?”

Me: “I sew, mostly quilting, as a hobby.”

Sales Woman: “Going to turn it into a business? Quilts are popular around here.”

Me: “I’ve thought about it. Maybe. It might be nice.”

Sales Woman: “What kind of sewing machine do you have? Or do you sew by hand?”

Me: “Both, but I do have a [popular brand] that’s a bit on the big side, but designed to look like one of antiques. It’s gorgeous. My grandmother’s thinking of passing down my great-grandmother’s [sewing machine] to me. Not sure where we’ll hide that one.”

Sales Woman: “Oh! My great-grandmother passed down some quilts to me, made from muslin. Solid quilts, but they need to be stretched out and re-stitched. Let me get your name, number, and address, and you can fix them for me!”

Me: “Wai- What? No. I-I…”

(I start to panic, because I don’t like giving out my information to anyone I don’t know. I’m a beginner who has never worked with muslin before in the first place, much less something antique.)

Me: “It’s probably better for you to get someone with more experience to touch it up for you.”

Sales Woman: “But I’d really like this done inexpensively.”

Me: *I’m stepping back now because the woman keeps getting closer to me with a pen and paper.* “I’d really recommend you afford the extra costs to have someone with experience handle those. I can barely sew a corner correctly without tearing up the fabric because I’m so new to sewing. And since it’s your great-grandmother’s heirloom, I would feel horrible if I damaged the fabrics in any way.”

Sales Woman: “That’s not a problem. I’m sure you’ll do fine. Just give me your number and address and we’ll get started. We’ll work out prices later.”

Me: *I trip over a coffee table trying to back away and I can feel an anxiety attack coming on* “No, thanks! Ask someone else.”

(I turned and started rushing away from her as fast as I could, but unfortunately, I had to walk to the back of the store, round a corner, and skirt along the wall of the store just to get out, because she blocked the way to the exit and followed me halfway through the store before giving up. I’m never going back again.)

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