I’m outside the front of my house pruning some of the plants. It’s a bit of a job, although it is a tiny bit of land; reaching the back is impossible.

I’m sweeping up the clippings when a man I’ve never seen before approaches me.

Man: “You can do mine next, if you like?”

I laugh as I think he’s joking, but his expression tells me otherwise.

Me: “Oh, you’re serious. No, sorry, mate. I don’t do this for a living.”

Man: “You have all the tools and I don’t. Come on! Be neighbourly.”

Me: “I don’t know you, ‘neighbour,’ and these tools are cheap enough. Go buy your own.”

Man: “Don’t be a d**k! Come on, or let me borrow them.”

He reaches for the shears in my hand. I pull them away from him.

Me: “Get lost.”

Man: “Whatever, I’ll just come back and take them.”

Thankfully, I have a video doorbell that he was standing right in front of. I passed the video on to the police and they said they would investigate. I never heard from or saw the man again.

During the lockdown, many of us in our area put out old toys, books, games, etc., in front of the house for free. It makes for a nice community spirit and it’s a good way to de-clutter.

I have just taken in the empty box after the second load of items was taken, and I hear a knock on the door. It wouldn’t be the first time someone had done so to thank us; once, a small child wanted to give us a gift in return.

I open the door to see a woman in her late thirties, on her phone with a hand on her hips and a face full of attitude.

My sense of community spirit is draining fast as I can feel where this is going.

Woman: “You had a book out front; where is it?”

Me: “I put lots of books outside. I imagine someone took it.”

Woman: “My son needs it.”

Me: “That’s a shame. Someone else took it.”

Woman: *Sighs dramatically* “You aren’t worth the time.”

She strutted off. I decided to leave it a day or two before gifting more items, as I couldn’t believe the entitlement of some people.

I visit my local cinema with three friends in 1975 when the film “Jaws” is first released in the UK. A few minutes after the four of us settle into our seats, a group of rowdy teenage girls arrive, one of whom keeps up an incessant, inane chatter in a loud voice from the moment she walks in.

She natters non-stop while other people are coming in and sitting down. She natters while the adverts were showing. She makes immature comments about the people and items being advertised.

Finally, the credits for the main feature start, but she is still prattling on in her loud voice. When the title of the film appears on screen, she says in a loud questioning, surprised type of voice:

Girl: “JAWS?”

Me: *Shouting* “Yes, like you’ve got!”

Everyone within earshot burst out laughing. After that, we never heard another peep from her.

I own three cats which are all indoor cats and don’t go outside. I’ve had two of them since they were kittens and the other since he was about seven.

One night, I get a text message from a random number that I don’t recognize. It’s 11:00 pm and I’m sleeping, so I ignore it, but the next day, they send me a text message which proceeds to a conversation.

Stranger: “Hey, you have a ginger cat, right?”

Me: “Yes, what can I do for you? And who are you?”

Stranger: “Hi. Basically, your aunt told me you have a ginger cat when I called her — we are friends — and I was wondering if I can have it for my kid, as you have three.”

Me: “No, you cannot. I have had him since he was a kitten and I wouldn’t take a million pounds for him. He’s not for sale or to give away.”

Stranger: “Yeah, but I have a kid who really wants your cat. We saw a pic and he looks really cute! And besides, you have three. As I said, you can give up one. My son really wants it; he loves cats.”

Me: “Look, sorry, whoever you are, but as I already explained, it’s a no. I love all of my cats and it would break my heart, and his, if I gave him away.”

Stranger: “Wow, you’re so selfish. How can you get heartbroken when you have three?! And we have NONE. You’re being a f****** d**k and I’m a friend of your family, so it would be respectful if you gave one away. I don’t know anyone else with a cat like yours.”

Me: “Do you really think adding insults is going to further convince me? Also, it’s quite ironic that you suggest I’m selfish. I don’t see my cats as property, and I don’t even know you. In fact, no one could convince me to give away any of my cats. And if, somehow, I did accept (which I would never do for anyone) what would I exactly gain from this? Nothing apart from sadness that I lost one of my cats. Now stop with the childish insults, and don’t contact me further about this.”

Stranger: “Wow. F*** off, you child abuser! Now a child, MY CHILD, will be emotionally abused by the fact that he didn’t get a cat. You deserve to rot in prison!”

Me: “You are not entitled to my pets. If you really think I’m a ‘child abuser,’ then have someone come to your house, ask you to take your animal — or, in fact, even an expensive piece of property — with them saying, ad nauseum, ‘I have a child who really needs it.’ In your logic, you’re a child abuser if you decline such an absurd request. Maybe teach your children and yourself not to be so entitled that your demands hurt others.”

Stranger: “I’m telling your aunt that you were SO rude to me and being so selfish. I mean, you have THREE CATS and we have ZERO. You will see how sorry you are when she takes away all of your cats and gives them to us for compensation, d**k!”

Me: “I’m twenty-six. My aunt does not have any authority to take away my pets, nor would she agree with you. You should acknowledge that.”

Stranger: “Luckily, my friends aren’t a**holes like you, so she WILL!”

Me: “Okay, sport.”

She did not contact my aunt after all this, despite saying they would. I told my aunt about it; the lady had just said she had questions about cats, so my aunt didn’t suspect anything. She cut relations with the lady in response, and that was that. Apparently, they weren’t great friends to begin with.

Due to a complicated series of events, I ended up with sole custody of my stepchildren. They are eight-year-old fraternal twins who look very similar to each other, despite being different genders. The only ways to tell them apart are their clothing choices, the length of their hair, and the color of their glasses. If you were to look closely you might notice the shapes of their noses and that my daughter has one blind eye.

It’s been a very warm week here, and since it’s probably the last warm weather of the year, we decide to enjoy it and go get ice cream.

After we buy the ice cream, we go to a nearby park to eat it. An old woman is walking her dog in the park. She waves to us; we wave back. Then, she stops, turns around, removes her mask to rub her eyes — she isn’t wearing glasses or anything, so I don’t understand why she had to remove her mask — and then stares at us for a second.

Woman: *Bluntly* “Did this man kidnap you?”

Twin #1: “No, this is our dad!”

She looks for a few more minutes, and then walks away saying something to the effect of, “Back in my day, women were a bit more subtle when they had an affair with the mailman.”

A few minutes later she came back, stared at us, and then walked away again.