There’s A Reason “Fan” Comes From Fanatic

, , , , , , , | Friendly | January 1, 2018

(I’m filling up at a motorway petrol station. As I enter the kiosk, I recognise an actor who plays a rather notorious character on a popular soap opera making his way to the register.)

Actor: *to cashier* “Pump four, please, mate. And could I also get—”

Customer: “YOU!”

(A belligerent-looking customer storms up to the actor, inches away from his face.)

Customer: “How dare you! I know what you did to [Female Soap Character]! I’m calling the police!” *to cashier* “Detain this man! He’s a known thug and a thief, and—”

Actor: *adapting a more exaggerated London accent* “‘Ang about; did you say [Female Soap Character]?”

Customer: “Well, yes! Don’t pretend you don’t know what I’m talking about!”

Actor: “Nah, nah! You must be confusing me with my cousin is all.”

Customer: “Your cousin?”

Actor: “Yeah, [Notorious Soap Character]. You can tell us apart because ‘is skin looks ‘ealthier, and ‘e keeps ‘iself groomed a lot better.”

Customer: *squints* “My God, you’re right! You look nothing like him! I’m terribly sorry. Look, I don’t mean to pry, but you should stay away from your cousin; he’s a very bad man!”

(The customer turns to leave the station. When she disappears the actor shakes his head and turns to the cashier.)

Actor: “Twenty years of doing this, you learn how to deal with people like them.”

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Going Absolutely Peanuts For Attention

, , , , , , | Friendly | January 1, 2018

(My friend is severely allergic to peanuts.)

Waitress: “What would you like? Our specials are [list of specials].”

Friend: “I’ll have [meal], please. But does that have peanuts?”

Waitress: “Let me check.”

(She runs to the kitchen to ask someone.)

Other Customer: “Pasta doesn’t have peanuts, idiot.”

Friend: “Actually, some foods have traces of peanuts that you can’t taste. I happen to be allergic, so if I eat it, I could wind up in the ER.”

Other Customer: “That’s made-up!”

Me: “Actually, allergies are real things that really happen. And yeah, they can be life-threatening.”

Other Customer: “No, they are not! Allergies are sneezing. She’s making this up to get attention!”

Me: “Umm…”

Waitress: “No, it’s peanut-free.”

Other Customer: “I told you, you dumb b****! You want attention!”

Me: “Um, you’re the one making a spectacle.”

(The offending customer was removed and my friend got a free meal. Thanks, idiot customer, for the free pasta.)

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Should Have Just Thrown In The Towel

, , , | Friendly | December 29, 2017

(I am 24 and a student not living with my parents. It is Christmas time and my mother asks me to go to the laundry shop to a pick a Christmas tablecloth she had dropped there the week before. I have always looked younger than my age.)

Me: “I’m here to pick up this.” *gives the ticket*

Worker: “Hmm. I can’t find it. Maybe the paper fell. You don’t know what the tablecloth looks like, do you?”

Me: “No. It was my mother that dropped it off last week; she just gave me the paper.”

Another Customer: “This youth nowadays! What a lack of respect! What are you? Fourteen? You should know what you have at home! You’re only mooching from your parents! Only want to have fun!”

Me: *with a deadpan face* “I’m actually 24, and I don’t live with my parents. My mother asked me a favour and I did it for her.”

(By then the worker had found the tablecloth with the missing paper, giving it to me and muttering an apology, so I walked out while the other customer stared with an open-mouth. The fun fact: my mother also didn’t remember which tablecloth it was when I told the story. The worker also apologized to my mother when she went there again.)

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Stressing Out Over Nothing Is Even Worse For You

, , , , | Friendly | December 28, 2017

(I am a teenager when this event occurs. I am in a grocery store to buy a gift card for a Secret Santa exchange one of my high school classes is doing. I get into line at the register behind a couple in their early thirties. While standing in line, a pair of fellow high school students walk up and blatantly step in line in front of the couple.)

Man: “Hey! What do you think you’re doing?! You can’t just cut in front of us!”

Student #1: *unapologetic* “Oh, right, sorry. I guess we didn’t see you standing there or something.”

(The two students wander off to another checkout line:)

Man: “Teenagers these days! They’re so rude and have absolutely no manners!”

(He continues to rant to the woman next to him about the deficiency of teens today, all the while making it obvious that he is talking loud enough for me to hear and blatantly side-eyeing me as if he expects me to try and cut them as well. I spend the next couple minutes awkwardly ignoring him until I get close enough to place my gift card down on the counter. Note: The gift card is for a well-known chain sandwich place.)

Man: *turning and addressing me directly in a very condescending tone* “You know that [Sandwich Place] is actually very bad for you.”

Me: *calmly, after a couple seconds of surprise* Anything is bad for you if you don’t eat it in moderation. Given a lot of the other food options, I think I made a good choice.”

(The man turned back to finish paying for his groceries before storming off, apparently pissed that he couldn’t get a reaction from me and prove to the world that all teenagers are entitled and rude.)

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They’ll Huff, And They’ll Puff, And They’ll Moan Their Way In

, , , , , , | Friendly | December 26, 2017

(During a multiple-day family reunion, we go to the swimming pool. A few days earlier I seriously sprained my ankle, and the day before I was on crutches, and I still have a large brace on my ankle. I am also menstruating and have a tampon in. Luckily, the water makes me able to walk easily in the pool without the brace. We get out and go to change our clothes. Because I’ll need to put a new tampon in, and because I’ll need to put on a bulky ankle brace, I use one of the family/handicapped changing rooms rather than a stall, but there are five empty family rooms, so there are enough for everyone. The rooms are numbered. I am starting to do the intricate straps on my brace when I hear someone trying to open the locked door.)

Me: “In a minute!”

(They continue to attempt to open the door and pound on it.)

Me: “I’m almost done. Hold on!”

Woman: “I need this room.”

Me: “I’m almost finished.”

Woman: “I need it!”

Me: “I’m just putting my shoes on!”

Woman: “You don’t understand! He’s very particular about numbers!”

Me: “Sorry! I’ll be out in a second.”

(My ankle is swollen and the brace is bulky, so I have some trouble getting my shoe on. All the while, this woman is legitimately trying to break down the door. I finally finish, and open the door. The woman looks at me, looking up and down my body.)

Woman: “You don’t even have a kid with you.”

Me: “No, I don’t.”

(I figured that she probably had a child with her who was autistic or similar, and I understand that sometimes there’s no reasoning with a developmentally disabled child in meltdown. But I don’t know what she expected me to do, or how breaking down the door was the solution.)

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