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You’re Tatooine Trouble Now

| Right | April 1, 2016

(I’m a stormtrooper, and I’ve been posted on some backwater planet in the outer-rim to look for some stupid droids. The descriptions are quite vague, “One R2 unit with a hero complex, and one Protocol Droid, possibly a couple,” so we’re stopping all people travelling through to the port. I stop a speeder that happens to have two droids matching this exact description. I talk to the young driver and his grandpa.)

Me: “Let me see your identification.”

Grandpa: *waves his hand* “You don’t need to see his identification.”

Me: *suddenly feeling strange* “We don’t need to see his identification.”

Grandpa: “These aren’t the droids you’re looking for.”

Me: “These aren’t the droids we’re looking for.”

Grandpa: “He can go about his business.”

Me: “You can go about your business.”

Grandpa: “Move along.”

Me: “Move along… Move along.”

(After they leave I turn to my co-worker.)

Coworker: “What the h***, dude! Those were TOTALLY the droids we were looking for!”

Me: “They were?”

Coworker: “All I know is, when the Big-Badassmatic wants to know who let the droids go, I’ll make sure YOU’RE the stormtrooper he’s looking for!”