Pop Goes Your Intention

, , , , , , , | Learning | September 16, 2017

(A student walks into the cafeteria. This student’s family owns numerous local pizza restaurants.)

Student: *to cafeteria worker* “I brought this pastry from home. Can you toast it in your toaster?”

Cafeteria Worker: “If I bring a frozen pizza from home into your uncle’s restaurant and ask him to heat it up in the oven, will he do that for me?”

Student: “Well, no.”

Cafeteria Worker: “Then I guess you’re out of luck.”

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Loan Me A Helpful Answer

, , , , | Learning | August 2, 2017

(I’m getting ready for a semester abroad but haven’t received my loans yet. I’m only a couple weeks away from leaving and anxiously call my school’s financial department.)

Me: “Hi, I’m [My Name plus all my relevant information]. I’m supposed to be getting [Loan] for this upcoming semester and I thought I was supposed to get it already. Could you tell me when it’s supposed to come in?”

Rep: “Loans aren’t going to be distributed until [Date a week into my abroad semester].”

Me: “Yeah, here’s the thing. I’m doing a semester abroad and it needs to be paid in a week, plus I still need to get my ticket. I was told when I talked to your department months ago that I would receive it by now and it’s still not in. Why isn’t it coming in?”

Rep: “All financial aid isn’t going to be distributed until [Date].”

Me: “Except I was assured that I would have my money by now because I’m doing a semester abroad, and the semester in [City] starts before the semester here, which means I’m supposed to get my money earlier! That’s what I was told by the study abroad office AND the financial aid office.”

Rep: “Well, it’s not going to be sent out until [Date].”

(We go back and forth for a while.)

Rep: “Why don’t you just pay for it yourself and use the loan to pay yourself back?”

Me: “If I could pay for it out of pocket, I wouldn’t need a loan!”

(I hung up and called back after I cooled off. Thankfully, the second call connected me to someone who actually was able to help.)

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It’s The Prints-able Of The Thing

, , , , | Learning | June 27, 2017

(For some reason, the members of my thesis committee want hard copies of my entire thesis, even though I e-mailed them a digital file of it in order to avoid wasting paper. My thesis is over 70 pages, and with three members on my committee plus the program coordinator plus a representative from the Graduate Studies Office, that’s a lot of printing, which I’m expected to pay for out of my own pocket. Nonetheless, I go to the library to start printing. The printer seems to work fine, until it stops printing near the end of a copy. I go to the technician on duty.)

Me: “Excuse me, but the last 12 pages of this document didn’t print.”

Technician: *checks paper levels, ink levels, looks at the printing queue* “There’s nothing wrong with the printer.”

Me: “…”

Technician: “…”

(It takes me a bit to process how illogical it is to say there’s nothing wrong with the printer when clearly, there is something wrong with the printer.)

Me: “Well, I’m missing 12 pages of this document. Did they maybe get thrown awa—”

Technician: *interrupting* “There’s nothing wrong with the printer.”

(Our library has a policy that if you send something to the printer and it doesn’t print the first time, you can re-send it and the technician will print it out for you at no charge.)

Me: “…okay. If I try sending them to the printer again, will they print for free?”

Technician: “There’s nothing wrong with the printer!”

(At this point I’m mentally banging my head against a wall.)

Me: “Well, I sent the pages to the printer and they didn’t print. Can I try printing them again for free?”

Technician: *gives me a dirty look*

Me: “I think that’s the policy if they don’t print, right?”

Technician: *continues to glare at me*

(I have no clue what her problem is but I go and re-send the pages.)

Me: “I just sent them. It should be a 12-page Word document titled [Thesis].”

Technician: *gives me an impatient look*

Me: “Could you send them to be free-printed, please?”

Technician: *exasperated groan, hits the button for free print*

(The pages print fine, but I immediately go somewhere else to print the other copies. How hard is it to understand that just because you don’t know what the problem is, it doesn’t mean there isn’t a problem?)

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Awkward For A Period

, , , , | Learning | June 26, 2017

(I’m a male but people often mistake me for a girl. It’s about fourth period and I’m feeling ill and ask to go to the nurse’s office. When I get there, this exchange happens.)

Nurse: “Hello! What’s the problem?”

Me: “I feel like throwing up and I’m kind of dizzy.”

Nurse: *without even checking my temperature or anything* “Are you on your period?”

Me: *open jawed in disbelief* “Um… I’m a boy…”

(About a minute of awkward silence passes.)

Nurse: “Oh! Well, you can lie down back here, then.”

(The nurse ended up letting me go home without even checking if I had a fever and my mother later received a very apologetic call from the school nurse.)

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A Signature Death

, , , , | Learning | June 20, 2017

(We are going on a trip in the new couple of weeks, so consent forms have been sent out to our parents for us to return to the school reception.)

Me: *handing form over* “Here you go. Year nine, [Group].”

Receptionist: *taking it* “This is a consent form.”

Me: “Yes. Year nine, [Group].”

Receptionist: “It needs to be completed by your parents and returned to us.”

Me: “I know. They’ve signed it.”

Receptionist: “They need to complete it in case something happens.”

Me: “I know.”

Receptionist: “Like you die.”

Me: “…”

(She hands the form back to me and wanders off. I turn to the other receptionist.)

Me: “Can you?”

Other Receptionist: “Sure… I don’t know about you, but that was really weird.”

Me: “Don’t worry, though. I’ll try not to die at the library.”

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