I’m at my local roller derby game, and I decide that a beverage is just right for the occasion.

A local brewery is supplying the beers, and the bar is run by skaters from the league.

I buy two beers, and the total comes to something like $18. I hand the lady a $20 and three dollars in change. She looks at me weirdly and says, “It’s only $18.”

I reply, “It’s so you can give me a $5 note instead of coins.”  

“Oh! That’s clever. Did you work it out when you were queueing up?”

I just let it slide, thank the lovely lady, and leave with my cans.

I’m at a hockey game waiting in line for a drink. A few people ahead of me in the next line over there were this mother and son. It was clear the boy had some sort of mental handicap. 

As this guy who had just bought drinks and food was walking away from the counter, the boy accidentally ran into him and knocked everything out of the guy’s arms. But, even after seeing that this boy clearly had a handicap, and after his mother apologized several times and offered to pay for all of his food and drinks, instead of exercising a little patience or showing a little human decency, this guy said:

“Are you f****** kidding me?! He shouldn’t be allowed out in public! What kind of person brings someone like him out around other people? From now on, try keeping your d*** [ableist slur] on a leash!”

Just as a couple of people in line started to move forward and shut this jerk up, an older woman — maybe in her mid-60s — walked up to him and just slapped him right across the face! 

She said, “You are the only disgrace that I see! How dare you speak to another person like that?! Who on Earth raised you? If I were your mother, I would be embarrassed, and you should feel so ashamed.” 

And then, to top it all off… another gentleman in line paid for this mother and her son’s food and the jerk stormed off, empty-handed and pouting. 

God, I love Bostonians.

(My dad and I are attending a game for our local football team and, as usual, it is more or less a sell-out. Visiting is a particularly popular London team and there are two fans behind us who seem particularly cocky about their team winning this game. During the match, things are neck and neck pretty early on, and at one stage, one of the opposing strikers is about to shoot the ball.)

Fan #1: “Oh, my God, he’s nailed it… It’s in!”

(The ball sails wide of the post.)

Fan #1: “What?! I was sure that was going in!”

(A couple of minutes later, the same player is about to shoot yet again.)

Fan #1: “Oh, my God, he’s nailed it… It’s in!”

(The ball flies over the crossbar. Later in that half, the same thing happens yet again.)

Fan #1: “HE’S NAILED IT! IT’S…”

(This time, the goalie saves it easily.)

Fan #2: “Maybe you should stop f****** saying that, you idiot! 

(One final time, right before the end of the half…)

Fan #1: “Oh, my God, he’s… 

Fan #2: “If you finish that bloody sentence, you’ll be missing your f****** teeth! 

(My team went on to win four to nothing, and those guys were very quiet for the rest of the game.)

(I work security at a popular football stadium. My job is to check bags and make sure people don’t try to smuggle any weapons into the stadium. A fan is entering through my gate and I see a rather large pocket-knife clipped to his back pocket.)

Me: “Excuse me, sir, but you can’t bring that knife into the stadium.”

Fan: “Why not? I brought it in last weekend and no one seemed to care.”

Me: “Sir, I’m not going to let you into the stadium if you have a weapon with you. You can either give it to me and you will not get it back, or you can take it back to your car and keep it, but I cannot let you in. If you decide to walk into the stadium, I will have those nice state troopers behind me escort you out, but you cannot bring that in.”

Fan: “Why can’t I bring in a pocket knife?”

Me: “Well, sir, for two reasons. One: it’s for your safety and everyone else’s safety. Two: we have fifty highly-trained state troopers with high-caliber pistols that could potentially blow a hole clear through your chest. So, my question to you is, why do you need a pocket knife?”

Fan: *looking shocked about what I have just told him, he turns around* “I think I’ll just take it to my truck.”

Me: “Thank you for your cooperation, sir.”

Coworker: “Hey, [My Name]! How’s it going?”

Me: “Pretty good, but my watch broke. I’m really ticked!”

Coworker: *starts laughing*

Me: *confused… slow realization* “That… wasn’t on purpose.”