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“Please” Just Get Yourself Fired

| Working | November 17, 2015

(I’m at a local baseball stadium with my family. Throughout the first five innings, we’ve been getting increasingly annoyed, because an out-of-state summer-camp bought up all the seats around ours, and the kids have been a nightmare. They’re all running around, throwing things; some of which hit us, standing up in front of us and making us miss plays because we can’t see, etc. Their counselors aren’t doing anything. Finally, we decide to go to the office and ask if someone can talk to the counselors and control the kids, or at least move our seats. There is an employee at the office, who looks to be a rather disgruntled 20-something.)

Me: “Hi, sorry to bother you but we really could use a hand with the camp-kids. They’re out of control.”

Employee: “Oh. Well, I can’t do anything.”

Me: “You can’t do anything?”

Employee: *sighing and clearly not wanting to do his job* “Nope. Sorry. Ain’t happening.”

Me: “Well, can we at least move seats?”

Employee: “Nope. There’s no other seats I could switch you to.”

(This is a flat-out lie. About half the stadium is empty.)

Me: “Uhhh, that’s not true at all.”

Employee: “Ehhh… not in my opinion.”

Me: “Look, would you move us or have someone talk to the counselors for the camp? We’ve been hit with food and souvenirs they’re throwing around, they’re constantly screaming and giving us a headache, and they’ve even been standing in front of us and making us miss plays in the game. We paid for tickets to the game, not tickets for some kids to annoy us constantly.”

Employee: “No, I won’t do that.”

Me: “Why’s that?”

Employee: “You didn’t say ‘please.’ And I don’t have to do anything for you because it’s not my f****** problem.”

Me: *taken aback* “Excuse me? I don’t appreciate being talked to like that. Get me a manager.”

Employee: *smirk, sarcastic tone* “No, you said it wrong. It’s ‘Please get me a manager’…”

Me: *now angry* “If you don’t like your job, then quit and let someone else who would actually appreciate it have it! Don’t be snarky to me. Get me a manager, now!”

Employee: “Fine!”

(He called for a manager, but the manager was busy. He snidely told us it would be “a while” before the manager would come. We ended up leaving because it took way too long, and we missed most of the game waiting for someone to see us. We ended up writing to the management and getting a full refund, and were later informed that the employee was immediately terminated after our complaint – one of several that day – was reviewed. Thank god for that.)

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Hurt Their Chicken Tender Feelings

| Working | June 24, 2015

(I am volunteering for a concession stand for my sister’s marching band, along with that sister and our mom. Mom and I are working at registers and both of them have been malfunctioning on us. As volunteers, we can’t do anything but wait for help when this happens. Luckily, there are very few people in line.)

Customer: “Hi, I’m not sure what I want yet.”

Me: “No problem. Take your time!”

Customer: “What do you have ready?”

Me: “Well, it looks like we’ve got burgers, fries, and chicken tenders ready right now.”

Customer: “How are the chicken tenders?”

Mom: “Uh-oh, my register isn’t scanning again.”

Me: *under my breath* “Well, that’s not good at all.”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “Did you just tell me the chicken tenders aren’t good?”

Me: “Oh, I am so sorry!” *I point to my mom, who is frowning and pushing buttons* “Her register is acting up. I meant that wasn’t good.”

Customer: “Oh!” *starts laughing*

Me: “The chicken tenders are actually my favorite thing we serve here. I would definitely recommend them!”

(The customer was happy to order after that. Phew!)

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ID Checks Are Complimentary

, | Working | February 16, 2015

(The drinking age in NZ is 18. If you look under 25, we have to ID you. We have a liquor warden who has final call on all alcohol sales: how drunk someone is, lack of ID, etc. My coworker has been checking the IDs of almost everybody today, just to be safe, and also because it leads to some fun banter. The women in this story doesn’t look 17, but it would only take a little stretch to say they could be 25, so the ID check was arguably valid.)

Woman #1: “Can I get two red wines?”

Coworker: “Two pinot noirs? Certainly. May I see your IDs?”

Woman #1: *speechless and laughing* “I… my ID? But I don’t have it!”

Coworker: I’m sorry, ma’am but if you look under 25…”

Woman #2: *disbelieving laughter* “I’m 35! And this is my older sister! You are going to be so embarrassed when you see her ID…”

Woman #1: *laughing* “I don’t have my license with me; I don’t carry my wallet everywhere, you know?”

Woman #2: “…so, so embarrassed…”

(I see our liquor warden standing to the side. He had been talking to the boss and the big boss, so all three of them are now watching the proceedings with interest and amusement.)

Coworker: “Well, I, um…” *calls out* “Hey, liquor man! Do these women look under 25?!”

(Everyone in the area freezes, the women looking towards the bosses, the bosses looking at the women, and me looking back and forth between them. After several long seconds we all burst into laughter.)

Big Boss: “Well, I can either compliment you or deny you alcohol!”

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Had Your Fill Of A Free Refill

| Working | January 14, 2015

(My friend and I are trying to get refills for our sodas at a concession stand at a game.)

Me: “Hi, can we get refills for our drinks?”

Cashier: “No free refills.”

Me: “Oh that’s okay; we can pay for them again.”

Cashier: “No free refills.”

Me: “Um… we’re aware; we’re willing to pay.”


Me: “Fine, can I have a large Sprite?”

Cashier: “Yes, why didn’t you say so?”

Me: “Also can you use the same cup?”

Cashier: “Of course!”

Friend: “Can I have a refill of Dr. Pepper in mine, also?”


(At this point a manager walks over.)

Manager: “Is there a problem here?”

(The cashier starts speaking in Spanish but in the Bay Area we have a lot of Spanish speakers so from what little I know and through the context I understood her.)

Cashier: *in Spanish* “These kids keep asking for free refills but I keep telling them no free refills.”

Manager: *to us in English* “I’m sorry but we don’t give free refills.”

Customer Behind Us: “For Christ’s sake, they are willing to pay for a new drink. They just want them in the same cup!”

Manager: *to the cashier in Spanish* “You idiot! They just want another drink in the same cup!”

(Turned out that the cashier didn’t know what a refill was. She just knew that she wasn’t supposed to give them out!)

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Undeserving Of That Achievement

| Working | October 27, 2014

(This is takes place during halftime of the homecoming football game, the biggest game of the season. The announcer is reading off the achievements of the homecoming candidates.)

Announcer: “…and she also volunteers at [Charity], which raises money for undeserved neighborhoods.”

Crowd: *gasps and snickers*

Announcer:Underserved neighborhoods! That is underSERVED neighborhoods folks, not unDESERVED!”

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