, , , , | Working | May 9, 2018

(My husband and I are ordering dinner. We know this restaurant only serves Pepsi products.)

Worker: “And what drink would you like with that meal?”

Me: “Diet Pepsi.”

Worker: “We don’t serve Coke products; is diet Pepsi okay?”

Me: “Um… Yes.”

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Pestering Your Siblings

, , , , , , | Related | March 6, 2018

(My sister and I both have the day off, and we’re in the living room of our apartment. I’m in the middle of an online game when there’s a knock at the door. My sister goes to answer the door and finds a pair of pest control workers.)

Sister: “Hey, how are you?”

Worker: “We’re good. We just came by to ask if you’ve had any issues with pests lately. We were told a few of the other apartments have these issues.”

Sister: “Well, we just have maybe two or three ladybugs here, but nothing major.”

Worker: “I see.”

Sister: “Actually, come to think of it, I do have one pest issue.”

Worker: “Oh, yeah? What is it?”

Sister: “It’s this giant lump on our couch.”

Me: “Screw you, [Sister].”

(The workers did a quick look around, chuckling the whole time, and left for the next apartment.)

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These Boots Were Made For Water…

, , , , , | Right | February 22, 2018

(I work at a boot store. I get a decent amount of customers that ask questions, due to the large selection that we have. I am always patient and understanding, as there are so many factors when it comes to getting the right work boot.)

Customer: “Excuse me. What is the difference between this boot and this one? They both look exactly the same.”

Me: “One is waterproof and the other isn’t.”

Customer: “Ah, that explains the price difference. Well, is there a way I can get the non-waterproof boot, but in waterproof?”

Me: “Yes. You can purchase the one that is waterproof, which is directly above it.”

Customer: “I see, but I don’t want to pay that price. I just want this boot, except to have it waterproof.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir… but this one isn’t waterproof. If you would like it waterproof, you can purchase the one above it.”

(I don’t know what else to say at this point.)

Customer: “That’s okay. I guess I’ll just keep looking around.”

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Getting To The Meat Of The Condiment Issue

, , , , , | Right | February 7, 2018

(A customer comes in through the drive-thru and orders a burger.)

Customer: “…and can I get an extra patty on that?”

Cashier: “Sure!”

(An extra patty rings up as a separate charge.)

Cashier: “That’ll be [total].”

Customer: “Wait, why does it cost more now?”

Cashier: “You wanted to make it a double, so there’s an extra charge for the extra patty.”


(He drove off. Sorry, but an extra patty is not a condiment…)

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At Least You’re Alive To Watch The Real Life

, , , , , , | Friendly | December 6, 2017

(I’m outside at my college on the morning of September 12, 2001, before class. We are in the United States.)

Girl: *to a friend* “Look, like, I get, like, it’s a big deal, or whatever, but I don’t know why even MTV has to talk about it. Why do I have to miss TRL because of some stupid planes?”

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