(I am trying to update my wardrobe, so I go to various stores to see what styles they have. I go to a department store where I am unfamiliar with the layout. I go to a female employee who is putting away clothing from the fitting rooms in the misses section.)

Me: “Hi. Where would I find pencil skirts? If you could please point me in the right direction, I’d appreciate it.”

Employee: “Pencil skirts… Hmm, men’s or women’s?”

Me: “Um, women’s.”

Employee: “I don’t think they make those for women. I know what you need.” *leaves for a minute and then comes back* “This is what you’re asking for.”

Me: “That’s a pair of men’s swim trunks. No, thanks. I’ll look for it by myself.”

(I left, shaking my head, while she was grumbling about how customers are not appreciative of her finding things that they asked for.)

(Conversations like this are the normal thing in my household.)

Me: “Hmm… So, I am thinking about being dumb.”

Husband: “Oh?”

Me: “Because Nintendo Switch cartridges are so tiny, Nintendo has them coated in a non-toxic substance that tastes horrible to prevent them from being swallowed by little kids.”

Husband: “Oh, no.”

Me: “And Breath of the Wild is the only cartridge I have, but I’m tempted to pop it out and lick it just to see if it is true.”

Husband: *monotone* “That would be dumb, honey.”

(This happens on my way to work. I work in a call center where the dress code is business formal. I normally do a pair of black slacks and a cute but nice shirt. Today I am a bit extra and I am in my tan khakis and a red button-up shirt. I top it with my tan deck shoes and even wear an extra shirt to avoid a panty line showing. I stop at a convenience store for a drink before work, the same cashier that always helps me is there he smiles as I approach, and this happens.)

Cashier: “Hey! You look nice today.”

Me: “Oh, thank you. Yeah, decided to be a bit extra today.”

Cashier: *smirks at me* “So, who are you trying to impress, someone in the office?”

Me: “Pardon? Oh, no, I just wanted to look nice; that is all.”

Cashier: “Oh, well, I was about to say, you spent so much time on the outfit and hair but you didn’t apply any makeup; not going to go far.”

Me: *after handing him the drink* “Can you please ring me up? I need to get to work.”

(I don’t know if it was the tone of my voice, but the rest of the transaction was in silence.)

(I work at a coffee kiosk at the back of a grocery. There are bathrooms in the break room, but you’re not supposed to go there unless you’re actually on break, and they’re on the other side of the store, so when we need to use the toilet while on-shift, we use the one at the front of the store that’s shared with customers. It’s a single-person bathroom, but that’s usually not a problem because not too many customers really ever need to use it at the same time. One day, I’ve just left my counter after my coworker came back from lunch, and it’s not thirty seconds after I’ve locked the door that I hear a woman outside it.)

Woman: *tries the knob without knocking* “Ugh. Seriously?”

(I figure she can just hold on a moment, and continue to use the bathroom. Not ten seconds later…)

Woman: *louder* “Seriously?!”

(A few more seconds pass. Then, again…)

Woman: “Seriously?!”

(Then, she grabs the handle and starts jerking at it like she’s trying to rip the door from the frame.)

Me: *slightly panicked because I’m not really sure the lock will hold* “I’ll be just a moment, ma’am!”

(Still, the woman keeps repeating, growing louder and louder, “Seriously? Seriously?!” I finish and flush, hoping the sound will shut her up because she’ll know I’m almost out, and yet, once again…)

Woman: *practically screaming* “SERIOUSLY?!”

(I debate taking extra long washing my hands just to spite her, but I don’t want to deal with it, so I just scrub up quick. I’ve just grabbed a paper towel when I hear the lady call through the door:)

Woman: “I’m going to call 911!”

(Then, she starts speaking quieter and sounds muffled.)

Woman: “Hello, 911?”

(I yanked the door open, thinking she was actually calling them, only to have her turn towards the door, having been facing away and hunched over, talking into her palm with no phone in sight. She looked smug, then stared me up and down with clear disgust — I assume because I was in uniform and therefore just a lowly employee — then huffed, slammed the door, and shouted once more from inside, “UGH! SERIOUSLY?!” Shaking my head, I walked back to my counter and looked at the clock. I had been away from my station for all of five minutes, including walking back and forth to the front of the store. Heads up for those who apparently don’t realize: employees need to pee, too, and there’s such a thing as a shy bladder; shouting through the door is probably just making everything take longer!)

(I’m closing the restaurant on Christmas Eve and cleaning out the bathrooms when I miss this call.)

Coworker: “Hello! This is [Restaurant, Location]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Hi. Just making sure you were still open. We would like [everyday burger deal] to go. We’ll be at the restaurant in twenty minutes.”

Coworker: “We close at 7:30 tonight.”

Customer: “What the f*** is wrong with you? Some of us are hungry!”

(This particular coworker has four children, has been there since nine am, and has had a splitting headache the whole shift. Obviously, she is tired of being there.)

Coworker: “No, what is wrong with you?! It’s Christmas Eve; we want to go home to our families! The grill has been closed and completely cleaned off. Everything in our restaurant is cleaned off. You are not getting any food from us tonight.”

Customer: “Are you serious?”

Coworker: “Yes, I am, if you want to leave a complaint, here’s the store number, my name is [Coworker], and here is the number for corporate.” *click*

(The manager who is busy cleaning equipment runs over.)

Manager: “What happened?”

(The coworker gives an explanation.)

Manager: “For dealing with that phone call for me, you can go ahead and clock out.”