Oh Noes, I Fails

, , , | Right | April 20, 2008

(I worked as a hostess in a not-particularly large restaurant…)

Me: “Welcome to [Restaurant], how many in your party?”

Man: “Two, but my wife will be meeting me in a few minutes. Can I just sit down now and then you can direct her to my table?”

Me: “Of course.”

(So about thirty minutes goes by and in that time about twenty people come in to be seated. None of them say that they’re meeting anyone. The man I seated earlier eventually comes up to me.)

Man: “You failed me.”

Me: “Excuse me, sir?”

Man: “My wife has been sitting at a table across the room from me for the last twenty minutes because you didn’t direct her to my table!”

Me: “Well I’m sorry, sir, but if she didn’t tell me she was meeting anyone, I would have no way of knowing.”

Man: “I gave you a job! You didn’t do it.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but my job is to seat everyone who comes through this door. I didn’t ask every single female if they were your wife. I assumed she would either tell me she was meeting someone, or look around the room to see if you were there.”

Man: “You assumed wrong! You FAILED me!”

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Behind Every Man Is An Embarassed Wife

, , , | Right | March 9, 2008

(Where I work, our dining room closes at 10:00 pm but the drive-thru stays open all night. I have just locked both the dining room doors when a man comes up and starts banging on the first door. We start talking through the door.)

Me: “Sorry, we’re closed.”

Customer: “You screwed up my order!”

Me: “I’m sorry. You could go through our drive-thru and they’d be happy to help you.”

Customer: “I just came through! They’re the ones that messed it up.”

Me: “I’m really sorry about that; if you go through again they’ll fix it for you.”

Customer: “I don’t have my car!”

Me: “But you said you just went through?”

Customer: “Yeah, but I don’t have my car anymore.”

Me: “I can give you our store number. If you call, we’ll replace your order tomorrow.”

Customer: “Just open the door!”

Me: “I can’t sir; we’re closed.”

(The man then walks around the store to the second door and starts banging there.)

Me: “Sir, the only way we can fix this is if you go through the drive-thru or give us a call.”

Customer: “I don’t have a phone!”

Me: “You can save your receipt and show it to us tomorrow. We’ll replace the whole order.”

Customer: “This is bulls***!”

(He then enters the drive-thru on foot, weaving through cars in line, gets between the drive-thru window and a car waiting to order, and starts banging on the glass.)

Manager: “I’m sorry, sir, I can’t open the window unless you’re in a car.”

Customer: “I don’t have my car anymore and you messed up my order. Tell your employees to open the door.”

Manager: “I’m sorry, we can’t unlock the doors once we’re closed. That’s our policy. If you return in the morning, we’ll be glad to help.”

Customer: “Don’t f*** with me. I’ll call the cops on you! You can’t refuse service to me!”

(Just then, a car pulls up behind him. The woman driving rolls down her window.)

Woman: “Get in the f****** car! It’s not that big a deal.”

Customer: “They won’t fix our order!”

Woman: “Get in the f****** car! This is f****** embarrassing!”

(The man gets in and the car pulls up to the window.)

Woman: “I’m sorry. All that happened was you forgot to give us a burrito.”

Manager: “We’ll get that for you right away.”

(As soon as the window was closed, the woman started yelling at the man again.)

 

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Behind Every Husband Is A Brutally Honest Wife

, , , | Romantic | December 31, 2007

(I go to a table of four, a mom and dad and two kids who are ready to order.)

Husband: “How big are your pizzas?”

Me: “They are ten-inch pizzas, sir.”

Husband: “Well how big is ten inches?”

(And before I can answer, the wife chimes in.)

Wife: “You wouldn’t know anything about ten inches, dear.”

(I stood there for a moment with my mouth open, before I ran to the wait station and started laughing hysterically.)


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