No Omelettes Are Totally Waffle

, , , , | Right | April 5, 2011

Me: “And here’s your waffle, sir, with bacon on the side.”

Customer: “What? No, I didn’t order this. I ordered the bacon egg and cheese omelette.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, sir. I have it written down that you got a waffle with bacon. I will have to fix that.”

Customer’s Wife: “No, you will not. He ordered the waffle. I heard him.”

Customer: “No, I didn’t. I specifically ordered the omelette. I know I did.”

Customer’s wife: “No, honey! We had the conversation on which one you were going to get. You told me you were going to get the omelette, and it surprised me when you didn’t.”

Customer: “Then why didn’t you say something?”

Customer’s wife: “Because you always ask my opinion and say that’s what you’ll do. Then you change your mind! I just figured you were ignoring my opinion again!”

Customer: “Well, fine. I guess I’ll have to eat this.”

Me: “Are you sure? I can change it?”

Customer: “Actually, would you?”

Customer’s Wife: “No! You ordered it, you eat it.”

Customer: *to me* “That’s what she says to the kids.”


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The Very Social Network

, , , | Right | March 21, 2011

(I am trying to help an elderly couple get on the internet.)

Me: “Okay. Go ahead and see if you are able to connect.”

Customer: “I can’t. It says that I am not connected to any networks.”

Me: “That’s odd. I can see you on the network.”

Customer: *amazed* “You can see me?”

Me: “Yes, I can see you.”

Customer: *shocked* “Wow, she can see me!”

Customer’s Husband: *in the background* “Well, put some clothes on, woman!”


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His Wife Must Be A Real Blockbuster…

, , , , | Right | March 8, 2011

(A customer has just finished checking out two adult movies.)

Coworker: “Have a good evening, sir!”

Customer: *whirls back after taking a few steps* “Oh crap!”

(He rushes back to the counter before the next customer can come up.)

Coworker: “Did you forget something, sir?”

Customer: *trying to speak quietly* “I shouldn’t have used my card! Can you reverse it? I have cash! I can pay with cash!”

(I notice the situation. I come over to help.)

Me: “Sir, if it’s a problem I’d be happy to refund the chargeback to your card.”

Customer: “My wife is going to see it online! She’s going to kill me!”

(He seems to be starting to panic.)

Customer: “Yeah, you have to reverse it!”

Me: “I see. Well, unfortunately, even if I do that the charge and the refund will both still appear on your bank statement, but–”

Customer: *interrupting* “No good! I have to get to the bank right now! I have to stop them!”

(He rushes out the door. He forgets the movies and has to run back in for them.)

Me: “Sir, it’s alright, the–”

Customer: “I have to stop the bank!”

(He almost trips up running out again. He didn’t give me time to explain that his bank statement will only show our store name; not the titles he rented.)


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To Have And To Hang Up

, , , , | Right | March 7, 2011

(I’m speaking on the phone with my husband when a customer approaches me to check out. I don’t like to talk on the phone while with a customer, so I just hang up. My husband understands when this happens. He usually just waits for me to call back.)

Customer: “I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to interrupt your call!”

Me: “It’s fine. It was just my husband. I’ll call him back.”

Customer: *gasps* “No! You never hang up on your husband! Oh my gosh! I can’t believe you did that!” *turning to other customers in line* “She hung up on her husband! I can’t believe that!”

Me: “No, really, it’s okay. I’ve done it before. He understands when a customer comes to my register.”

Customer: *shouting* “You’ve done it before! Call him back right now and apologize!”

Me: “I’ll just call him after.”

Customer: “Now!”

(She waits for me to literally dial his number and say ‘I’m sorry for hanging up on you’. She wouldn’t let me finish until I told him I loved him and hung up.)

Customer: “See? That’s how you speak to him on the phone.”

(I finish up with her and she leaves smiling. When I finally call my husband back for real, he can not stop laughing at me.)

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Get The Correct Word, Step By Step

, , , , , , , | Right | February 18, 2011

(I’m stocking the shelves in the electronics/gadgets section when a husband and wife come over. The husband is shouting behind the wife.)

Husband: *to me* “Pedometer! She wants a PEDOMETER!”

Wife: *to husband* “Shut up! I know what I want!”

Husband: “Tell her it’s a pedometer!”

Wife: *to me* “Hi, do you have any pedofi–”

Me: “Pedometers!”


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