Gives New Meaning To ‘Manually Eject’

, , , , | Romantic | January 15, 2010

(An couple in their 50s enter the store with a laptop.)

Me: “Hi, what can I do for you?”

Husband: “Well, my laptop won’t turn on. It just goes to a black screen.”

Me: “Okay, sir, we can have the technicians do a diagnostic to figure out what the problem is.”

Husband: “I also think I might have left a disc in the DVD drive.”

Me: “Oh, no problem. I’ll show you how to manually eject the disc before you leave so you can take it home.”

(I grab a paperclip and manually eject the disc. The disc in the drive is a p*rn DVD. Immediately, the husband snatches it out of the tray and stuffs it into his pocket.)

Husband: *mumbles* “That’s not the disc I thought it was.”

Wife: *silently fuming*

Un-Four-tunate Inch-uendo

, , , , | Right | December 31, 2009

(I am selling a TV to a middle-aged man and his wife.)

Me: “So, it’s between the 32 and the 36 inch TV, right?”

Husband: “Yes, but I don’t understand the difference between them.”

Me: “Well, they have the same specs all the way down the line. One is just bigger.”

Husband: “Who in the h*** would pay almost $350 more for four more inches?”

Wife: “I would!”


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At Least They Made It To The Paper Anniversary

, , | Right Romantic | November 19, 2009

(I am waiting to bag a couple’s groceries. The man walks to the end of the register and looks me straight in the eyes.)

Customer: *out of earshot of wife* “Let me tell you something.”

Me: “Okay.”

Customer: “If you ever think you love a woman and want to marry her, run away.”

Me: *chuckling* “All right, I’ll keep that in mind. So, are plastic bags okay?”

Customer: “Yeah, that’s fine.”

(As I put items into a plastic bag, the man’s wife joins him.)

Customer’s Wife: “Oh, can we actually have paper bags?”

Customer: “I can’t even make this decision?”


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Truly Fake Intentions

, , , , | Right | October 28, 2009

(A customer and his wife come in to find an outfit for her to wear. He seems particularly interested in one that’s being worn by a mannequin.)

Me: “Can I help you, sir?”

Customer: “I was wondering if you have the outfit on the mannequin?”

Me: “Unfortunately, I sold the last one earlier today. The one the mannequin is wearing is the only one I have.”

Customer: “Well, why can’t you just give me that one, then?”

Me: “I can, but I do have another almost identical outfit in stock.”

Customer: “No, I want that one!”

Me: “Okay, sir.”

(I start dragging the mannequin to the back.)

Customer: “Where are you going?”

Me: “City law says I can’t undress her in front of the windows, sir.”

Customer: “Well, why can’t I have that one?”

Me: “Sir?”

Customer: “I want the one on the mannequin!”

Me: “That’s what I’m doing, sir.”

Customer: “I WANT THE ONE ON THE MANNEQUIN!”

(His wife suddenly appears from another part of the store.)

Customer’s Wife: “He just wants to see the mannequin naked.”

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Hell Hath No Fury Like A Pregnant Woman Scorned

, , , | Romantic | September 10, 2009

(A man comes to my register with a mint chocolate candy bar.)

Me: “Anything else?”

Customer: “Can you break a $100 bill?”

Me: “Actually, I can’t. We just opened and I haven’t gone to the bank today.”

Customer: “Oh, no! Do you know anywhere I can get change? I need this candy right away!”

(At this point I notice his panicked look. Coupled with the fact that he’s buying the most unappetizing candy in the store, I jump to a conclusion.)

Me: “Sir, these aren’t for you, are they?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Did your pregnant wife send you out at eight in the morning to buy this candy?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “For the love of God, man! Get these home to her before you’re in even more trouble! You can come back and pay me later!”

(The customer bolts out the door. He later came back, visibly calmer, and paid.)


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