Coffee Can Cause Great Dis-Stain

, , , , , , | Right | August 7, 2010

Customer: “Hi, I’d like a mocha latte cappuccino.”

Me: “Okay, which one of those would you like?”

Customer: “What do you mean?”

Me: “Well, those are three different things. A mocha, a latte, or a cappuccino?”

Customer: “No, they’re not! That’s what I want!”

Me: “Ma’am, technically–”

Customer: “Just get me what my husband always orders!”

Me: “What does your husband always order?”

Customer: “You know, some… coffee thing!”


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Never Send A Man…Period

, , , , , | Right | July 31, 2010

(A male customer is in the feminine hygiene aisle and has requested to speak to a female employee.)

Me: “Hi, can I help you with something?”

Customer: *obviously embarrassed* “I need some ‘female products.’”

Me: “Okay, you’re in the right place. This is all our selection.”

Customer: “Really?” *points to the pads* “I don’t think these will work. They all look so small.”

Me: “Well, most women prefer that. But if you want something different, the tampons are right here as well.”

Customer: “Oh, gross. No, I would rather these but bigger, so they’ll work.”

Me: “This is really all we have.”

Customer: “Hmm, what about some diapers or something like that? Do you have those?”

Me: “What? Do you mean baby diapers? Sir, I really don’t think that’s what you want.”

Customer: “You’re right, they probably cost twice as much, anyway. I think I’m going to tell my wife to come in after work and figure this out herself.”

Me: “I think that’s a very good idea, sir.”

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Till Password Reset Do Us Part

, , , | Right | July 1, 2010

Me: “Okay, all I need now is the security password you gave us when you opened your account.”

Customer: “No idea.”

Me: *seeing the password is a girl’s name* “Most people choose something or someone familiar…”

Customer: “Lisa? Scott? Elizabeth? Rusty? Oh! Is it my mother’s maiden name?”

Me: “No. I’m just going to check if you’ve left yourself a hint but it takes a second.”

Customer: “Well, there’s just no point in you checking; it has to be one of those names. I never ever use anything else. If I did, I don’t know it. I must have set this years ago. How am I supposed to remember that?”

Me: “Are you sure you don’t one more try? Your hint is ‘wife.’”

Customer: “Emma! Don’t tell her I forgot that!”

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Unloading Marital Baggage

, , , , | Right | June 8, 2010

(A man comes up to the register with a full shopping cart.)

Me: “Paper or plastic?”

Customer: “I’d like double-bagged paper, and I’d like you to make each bag as heavy as possible.”

Me: “Okay.”

(After I manage to get all of his groceries into three very heavy bags and bring them out to his car.)

Customer: “In case you’re wondering, I just had a fight with my wife and it’s my turn to pick up the groceries.”

Me: “Uh-huh.”

Customer: “It’s also her turn to unload the car.”


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Pane-ful Marriage

, , , , , | Right | May 18, 2010

(A customer who has just made a purchase comes back into our store asking for help; she’s locked her keys in her car. I go out to try and help.)

Me: “Ma’am, your window is open.”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “Your window. It’s open.”

(The customer reaches in and gets her keys, opens the door, rolls up the window, locks the car, throws the keys back inside, and closes the door.)

Me: “Um…”

Customer: “I know! I know! It’s just that I already called my husband to bring the second set! He’d have given me h*** if he saw the window was open!”


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