Harry & Ginny: The Golden Years

, , , | Right | September 10, 2009

(A man walks up to my register with his wife; they have a few items, one of which is a broom.)

Me: “How are you guys today?”

Husband: “Oh, we’re good.”

(The husband takes the broom and places it on the counter, and then stares at his wife).

Wife: “What?”

Husband: “Are you sure you’re going to fit on this?”

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When You’ve Lost The Passion Fruit

, , | Right | March 25, 2009

Me: “Hi, can I help?”

Customer: “I’d like a wheatgrass shot and an apple, carrot, ginger, and orange juice.”

Me: “Would you like size one, two, or three?”

Customer: “One.”

Me: “Would you like any extra boosters?”

Customer: “No. Stop trying to sell me things.”

Me: “That’s [amount]. Do you have a loyalty card?”

Customer: “I’m not even loyal to my WIFE.”

Me: “…”

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Marital Bliss In All Its Forms, Part 3

, , , | Right | February 13, 2009

(A husband and wife couple have me on speakerphone so that they can get help troubleshooting. I’m typing up some notes while their PC reboots, which they can apparently hear…)

Customer: “Wow, that sounds like a machine gun. ‘That your typing, sweetheart?”

Me: *laughs* “Yeah, it is… I can type pretty fast.”

Customer: “You married at all?”

Me: “Nope, not yet. Why do you ask?”

Customer: “Doesn’t surprise me love, with fingers that fast you don’t need a man!”

Me: *mouth agape*

(Suddenly, I hear a smacking noise followed by the man cursing.)

Customer’s wife: “Ignore Ron… he’s a pig, dear. He’s lucky he’s married himself. I’m sure you’re lovely.”

Customer: “Isn’t it time a house fell on you, my darling wife?”

Me: *mouth still agape*

 

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Something With Sprinkles, I’d Wager…

, , | Right | January 27, 2009

Me: “How can I help you, sir?”

Customer: “I’ll take a large coffee and something for my wife… maybe an apple cruller?”

(He pays for his stuff and I see him walk out to a car parked right in front of the store. He gets in, but the car doesn’t move. After about a minute, he storms back into the store.)

Customer: *loudly* “What kind of donut do you recommend for a hatchet-faced old witch?!

Me: “Uh….”


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It’s Best To Not Get Involved

, , | Right | December 10, 2008

(I’m putting up price tags, and a woman is heard screaming on her phone off in the distance.)

Customer: “Why can’t I ever make you happy? Nothing I ever do for you is enough…. WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU? YOU’RE NEVER HAPPY!”

(She stops at the condoms section; the section I’m working on at the time, and grabs a 30-pack of condoms.)

Customer: “You know what? I’m getting condoms at [Store]. BE READY WHEN I GET HOME.” *storms off*

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