Check Out Freak Out
(When I am a teenager I help out at my parents’ bed and breakfast. This took place some time ago, so the numbers are fudged. A husband and wife have just approached the desk to checkout.)
Me: “Okay. What room were you in?”
Wife: “Room three. Under [Wife].”
(I quickly pull up their room.)
Me: “The total is $363.”
Wife: *shrieking* “What?! Look again!”
(I double-check the booking and nod.)
Me: “Room three, booked under the name [Wife].”
Wife: “How can it be that high?”
Me: “Well, you booked for four days at a rate of 80 dollars a night. That’s 320 there. You checked in outside of regular hours without informing us and that’s a 20-dollar charge.”
Wife: “No one told us of that charge!”
Me: *glancing at computer* “You booked online and I know our website won’t let you continue until you acknowledge the warning of that charge.”
Wife: “I don’t read those!”
Me: “Um… well, you confirmed that you had read it, so you have to pay the charge.”
Wife: “Well, that’s stupid!”
Me: “I’m sorry, but you were warned about it. We can’t force you to read it.”
Wife: *huffily* “Well, what are the other charges?”
Me: “You bought a movie on cable and—”
Wife: “What movie?”
Me: “[Movie].”
Wife: “We didn’t watch that.”
Me: “Um… did you buy it?”
Wife: “Yes, but we didn’t watch it. It was stupid.”
Me: “Well… it still gets charged to your account.”
Wife: “But we didn’t watch it!”
Husband: *with a sigh* “Yes, we did. You forced me to watch it with you and you cried at the end.”
(The wife glares at him and then snaps at me:)
Wife: “Fine! What else?”
Me: “You requested a mini-bar, which adds five dollars automatically and the items taken out of it total fifteen dollars.”
Wife: “I did not!”
Husband: *holding his card out to me* “No, I did. Putting up with you on this trip made me need a drink.”
(The wife snatches the card out of her husband’s hand before I can take it.)
Wife: “It still shouldn’t be that high!”
Me: “Those are all the charges and they total $363.”
Wife: “Well, we didn’t use any soaps. We brought our own! So we shouldn’t have to pay for them.”
Me: *confused* “But you’re not—”
Wife: “And we cleaned up after ourselves! We even made the bed. So you should take that off too!”
Me: “Ma’am, that’s… They aren’t individual charges. I mean…” *takes a breath* “There are certain things that are assumed when you stay in a hotel. The availability of soaps and the cleaning services are a couple. And, while we appreciate you… assisting the cleaning, there’s no individual charge I could remove from your bill.”
Wife: “But—”
Husband: “For the love of– Would you just let him run the card? I want to get home!”
(The wife splutters at him while he takes the card from her and hands it to me. I silently run the card while the wife humphs, picks up her suitcase, and leaves. I hand the card and receipt to the husband, who signs it, turns to leave, and then faces me again.)
Husband: “Sorry about her.”
(He drops a ten-dollar bill on the desk and leaves without another word.)
Me: “Thank you, sir!”
