Right Working Romantic Related Learning Friendly Healthy Legal Inspirational Unfiltered

That Mother-In-Law Is A Special Brand

, , , , , | Related | June 28, 2021

My wife is one of the most independent, driven, and hardworking people I’ve ever met, to the point where we make in-jokes about her being the submissive housewife because the concept is absolutely ludicrous. 

Prior to meeting my wife, I started a company and have a stylized version of my initials as the company logo. My wife then started working at the company with me, and it became such a large part of our lives that she chose to get the company logo as a tattoo on the back of her neck.

My mother-in-law has become pretty disillusioned with marriage due to her own experiences and has been pretty derogatory and insulting to our union, mainly making comments along the lines of, “Once this marriage ends…” etc.

This story occurs at a beach, several years into our marriage. Because the tattoo is in a fairly hidden place and the relationship is strained, it’s the first time that my mother-in-law has noticed my wife’s tattoo.

Mother-In-Law: “WHAT THE F*** IS THAT?!”

Wife: “What’s what?”

Mother-In-Law: “On the back of your neck! Is that a tattoo?!”

Wife: “Oh, that! Yeah, I got it a few years ago.”

My mother-in-law then turns and addresses me, and I will admit I’m a smarta**.

Mother-In-Law: “DID YOU F****** BRAND HER?!” 

Me: “Well, that ring can come off; that tattoo never will.”

This sends her into a rage, with lots of yelling and swearing, and eventually, she storms off. I am talking with my wife after.

Me: “Honestly, I don’t get how she thought I made you get the tattoo. I’m pretty sure the last time anyone made you do anything, you were in diapers.”

One Caesar Salad, Hold The History Lecture

, , , | Related | June 13, 2021

My husband has a hard time answering simple “yes or no” questions, often feeling the need to give a grand explanation to his answer, and I have pointed this out to him many times out of frustration. I’m pregnant and getting random aversions or sensitivities to different smells and foods. For the last couple days, I’ve been really sensitive to seafood smells.

We both order Caesar salads before our meals, and while I do order this salad often, I’ve never known what ingredients are actually used to make it other than dressing, cheese, croutons, and the actual salad itself. Today, I notice a particular smell in the sauce that I have never noticed before.

Me: “Oh, wow. Is Caesar salad made with some type of fish in the sauce? I never noticed before.”

Husband: “The traditional Caesar salad was actually made way back in [date I can’t remember] and a true Caesar salad has ingredients like [list of ingredients I can’t remember]. Nowadays, small restaurants only have the basic ingredients like garlic, citrus, anchovies—”

Me: “Anchovies?”

Husband: “Yes, and—”

Me: “So, yes, then.”

Husband: “What?”

Me: “Yes, there is fish in this.”

He pauses.

Husband: “Yes.”

Me: “That’s what I asked. Thank you.”

He silently pouted as he finished his salad.

You Got Grass Growing On Your Roof?

, , , , | Romantic | June 4, 2021

We live under the flight path of a nearby small airport. Once in a while, there is an unusual engine noise and we see a vintage plane of one type or another.

On Friday, it was very cloudy. I heard a plane flying quite low. I commented on that to my husband. He just looked at me.

Husband: “That’s a lawnmower.”

Is It Smaller? Then It’s Not Wrong

, , , , | Romantic | May 27, 2021

My husband and I are folding laundry. He picks up an infant swaddler for our two-week-old baby. It’s an odd garment with a pouch and two wings.

Husband: “Honey, how do I fold this?”

Me: “Um… same way you fold a fitted sheet.”

He thought for a moment, rolled it into a wad, and set it on the stack.

You Want Information? Here’s Some Information!

, , , , , | Related | CREDIT: SquishySpark | May 27, 2021

My grandmother, Oma, is a woman you do NOT want to cross and performed one of the best instances of malicious compliance in my family.

My Opa — her husband — worked for a well-known US telephone company that pretty much had a monopoly fifty years ago, and Oma was a stay-at-home wife with young kids.

Early in their marriage, Opa would call home several times a day to check up on Oma. He came from an Italian-American family and his mother was very controlling. If he called and she was out to market, he’d keep calling every break until she picked up. He claimed that he just wanted to make sure she was okay. This went on for a few weeks until Oma had enough.

One day, she called his office before he could take a break, and his coworker picked up.

Oma: “Is [Opa] available?”

Coworker: “No, would you like me to get him?”

Oma: “No, but please share this message with him. Let him know that I’m going to the grocery store for an hour, so he needn’t call. Then, I will fix lunch for myself and the kids. I’ll need to give [Daughter] a bath after that, because she’s a messy eater. I’ve been constipated lately, so around two o’clock, I plan on sitting on the pot for a while and taking an enema, so if I don’t answer the phone, that’s why. Have him call if he really needs anything.”

Apparently, Opa came home that evening red-faced and never called home to check up on her again.