During the recent health crisis, my husband is minding and homeschooling the kids while I work from home upstairs. I was a stay-at-home mom when the kids were very young and he was away for work, and I found it extremely hard, which he knows.

“This is a piece of piss,” is Irish slang for, “This is really, really easy.”

Husband: “This stay-at-home parent thing is a piece of piss.”

Husband: “Of course, I haven’t transferred the money [to joint account] yet. I haven’t had time to do any of my personal admin!”

Husband: “You need to take a longer break in the middle of the day so I can go for a run.”

My father can be a bit aloof and is not always the best at anticipating other people’s wants or needs, and this story is one of many small examples. My siblings and I are pretty used to it, but it drives my wife bonkers even if she doesn’t always show it.

We’re at my parents for the holidays with my siblings and some extended family and have gathered for a meal.

Mother: “[Father], can you pass the pepper?”

Father: “Oh, I don’t like pepper on [dish], so I didn’t bring it out.”

My wife rolls her eyes and mutters sarcastically under her breath.

Wife: “No problem; there are only eight other people at this table who might want pepper.”

My mother goes and gets the pepper from the kitchen and the meal goes on.

Father: “[Wife], would you pass the [side dish]?”

Wife: *Deadpan* “Well, I don’t like [side dish], so I don’t think I will.” 

The rest of the table burst out laughing, and [Wife] got a high-five from my mother. My father had the decency to look a little sheepish. And don’t worry, my wife and father actually get along great, and it’s fun to see her call him out once in a while.

I have a birth control implant put in three months before I get married. The side effect it has on me is that my period stops entirely. Fast forward eight years: I get a period out of the blue. I’ve forgotten how grumpy they make me.

My husband finds me grumbling, curled up on the floor, angry at nothing and everything.

Me: “I am sorry that I’m grumpy. I’m not sure why I am.”

Hubby: “It’s okay, baby. Not meaning to be insensitive, but it’s your time of the… decade?”

He had a point.

During the recent health crisis, here in Germany, social distancing rules are in force. It is not a total curfew, as things like going for walks are not only allowed but recommended, as long as you avoid contact with persons not living in your household.

One weekend, my wife and I are preparing to take our kid for a stroll.

Wife: “I hope you take me with you like this; I haven’t put any makeup on.” 

Me: “Well, that should make it easier to maintain social distance!”

Fortunately, I married a girl with a sense of humor!

I’m on my way out the door when my husband comes upstairs from his home office. I let him know I’m heading to the store to buy “something for the family.” It’s something I’ve researched for a couple of weeks but we’ve never actually discussed it. 

Husband: “Ooh, is it an automatic vacuum cleaner?!”

Me: “Out of everything I could buy, that’s your guess?!”

Husband: “Yep.” 

Me: *Pause* “Yes… it actually is.” 

How in the world he guessed it, I have no idea. In eight years together, I don’t think we’ve ever talked about it. It’s just something I decided on my own that would be nice to have. If only he could the guess lottery numbers that easily!