Just after my husband and I were married, we lived with his parents while searching for a place of our own. Their house was old and had a few problems.

Our bedroom had a closet in which one wall was the bricks of the chimney. One day, while we were away, there was a fire. Luckily, not much was damaged.

Or so we thought.

We had a box containing about two dozen letters written to my husband when he dated other women and a single letter from and a photo of one of my old boyfriends.

We soon discovered that, while all my husband’s mementos had survived, my two mementos had been completely destroyed.

Burnt to ash. 

In the same box with my husband’s uncharred items.

Yeah, my mother-in-law never liked me.

I’ve been having very vivid dreams lately. One night, I bolt upright in bed, waking up my partner. I scramble for my phone.

Partner: “What’s wrong?”

Me: “I have to check my online order history.”

Partner: “Wait, why?”

Me: “I don’t want to say.”

After scrolling through my orders, I’m relieved. I put my phone away and we go back to sleep. The next day, my partner asks me about it.

Partner: “Why did you need to check your order history at 1:00 am?”

Me: *Embarrassed* “I had a dream that I’d ordered a bunch of snakes for a prank. But I didn’t end up going through with the prank, so I put the box of snakes in the garage and forgot about it for two weeks.”

Partner: “What?”

Me: “And I woke up worried that I’d accidentally killed like twenty snakes.”

Partner: “And the first thing you did after waking up was check your phone? Not the garage?”

Me: “Of course not! It could’ve been full of angry snakes!”

This story is part of our July 2020 Roundup – the best stories of the month!

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Read the July 2020 Roundup!

I work in an OBGYN office, often answering phones and directing patients’ messages to doctors. To make sure the right patient’s chart is attached to the message, I ask for a few identifiers. One day, a patient’s husband calls.

Me: “Thank you for calling [Office]. How can I help you?”

Husband: “My wife wants me to send a message to her doctor. She’s busy with the baby and asked me to call.”

Me: “Sure; what’s your wife’s name and date of birth?”

Husband: “[Wife] and [date last year].”

Me: “Can you repeat her date of birth?”

Husband: “Oh, I gave you our baby’s birth date! No, my wife’s is [date twenty-five or thirty years ago]. My wife’s an adult.”

Me: “Great, I see her profile here, so you’ve called the right office. What message can I send her doctor?”

Husband: “[Message]. Sorry about the date mixup… I swear I didn’t marry a baby.”

A few hours later, he calls back.

Me: “Thank you for calling [Office]. How can I help you?”

Husband: “Hi, this is the man with the child bride. We missed the doctor’s call; can we talk to her?”

I am a sales associate in a well-known lingerie store. I notice a male in his late thirties customer looking around.

Me: “Hello, sir, can I help you find anything today?”

Customer: “Yes, I’m looking for a gift for my wife. She’s big, huge, pregnant, and feeling bad about herself, and I want to show her that I know that her body is going to go back to how it was after she has the baby.”

I was speechless. He then bought the cheapest camisole and silk briefs that were on clearance, and they didn’t even match. To the wife, whoever you are, I’m sorry!

A friend is having a cookout with several people I know and several I don’t know. I am inside with a few other people when a man comes in and addresses his wife. I only recognize them as friends of the host, so I don’t even know their names.

Husband: “Honey, [Best Friend] says he’ll buy [bedroom toy] from us since you didn’t like it.”

Wife: *Turning red* “What?!”

Husband: “[Best Friend] said—”

Wife: “I heard you. Why are you— Come here.”

She drags him into the bathroom, but they’re still loud enough for everyone to hear.

Husband: “What? They want a new toy; I said you didn’t like yours.”

Wife: “And you and [Best Friend] were the only ones in this conversation?”

Husband: *Slowly* “Well, [Other Guys] were there, and that guy in the green shirt, and—” 

Wife: “I cannot f****** believe you think this is acceptable.”

Husband: “What? It’s just talk!”

Wife: “And what if I told all the wives why we need the toys? And what if they tell their husbands?”

Husband: *Pause* “Well, I—”

Wife: “You stop talking about our bedroom life, or you won’t have one and I will tell everyone about all of your shortcomings. Do you understand?”

The wife came out of the bathroom and everyone pretended they didn’t hear anything. She grabbed her purse and keys and left the party. The husband sheepishly exited the bathroom and went back outside. I don’t know them well enough to know what happened after that, but I do know if my husband was spouting off about our bedroom life, I’d be pretty pissed, too!