Falling Into Place

, , , , , | Romantic | August 16, 2019

(My grandparents are riding their bicycles and the path goes over a stream. My grandma’s front wheel catches on a rut and she goes over the handlebars. She ends up rolling down the embankment of the stream, and if it wasn’t for the help of an elderly couple nearby, she would have rolled into the water. As soon as they make sure my grandma is safe, the man turns to his wife and says:)

Man: “See, [Wife]? Women are still falling for me.”

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Missing Cable Makes Marriage Unstable

, , , | Romantic | August 10, 2019

(I have just arrived home for the holidays. Unfortunately, I have to turn in — i.e. upload to our e-learning platform — important homework for university on December 26th. I sit down and turn on the computer, only to be met with a “no Internet connection” message. Oh, no! I restart everything and still don’t get a connection. Since that is about as far as my computer knowledge goes, I text my husband who’s still at work.)

Me: “Hey, I’m home, but I can’t get online.”

Husband: “I think it’s due to the last OS update. Had the same problem. Just restart.”

Me: “I did that already, but I’ll try again.”

(It doesn’t help. I notice that I get Wi-Fi on my phone, though, and all the relevant lights on the router are on. Thus, I decide to run my computer’s network diagnostics.)

Me: “Darling, the restart didn’t help, but diagnostics say something about a missing cable?”

Husband: “Nah, I’m sure it’s due to that update. Took me a while, too. Just use my computer in the meantime.”

(I start his computer, which, true to his word, is connected to the Internet. On a hunch, I go back and crawl under my desk. Hidden behind my computer case, I notice a cable that’s not plugged in anywhere. I’m sure it should go somewhere, and I finally figure out that it goes into the switch under my desk. Once the cable is plugged in, I’m back online. Half relieved and half exasperated, I text my husband.)

Me: “It was the cable, just as the diagnostics said. There was an unplugged cable under my desk.”

Husband: “Oops, I forgot! When I couldn’t get online, I frantically unplugged and replugged everything until I decided to just restart the computer… I must have overlooked that one.”

Me: “…”

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Recycle His Mind

, , , , | Romantic | August 8, 2019

(My husband and I are doing some cleaning over the weekend when this happens.)

Husband: “Oh, and I threw out that one aluminum can earlier.”

Me: *curious* “Why would you do that? That would have gone in the recycling.”

Husband: *shrugs* “In this state, you don’t get five cents back like you do with other states, so there is really no point in recycling that if I’m not getting anything back for it.” *walks out of the kitchen*

Me: *glaring in his general direction, quietly to myself* “Are you serious?!”

(I then went back to finishing the dishes, having a pointed mental lecture with him about the point of recycling. I was also wondering why I was just now finding out about his views on recycling when we have been married for almost a decade.)

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She’s Going To Have Kittens If You Don’t Tell Her

, , , , | Romantic | August 7, 2019

(I volunteer at an animal shelter. We have a man who has driven for an hour and a half to adopt a cat for his wife’s birthday as a surprise. He works in the mines 14 days on, 7 days off, so he usually does not go out on his days off, and apparently, his wife finds this suspicious. He receives a phone call just as he is finalising the paperwork. I cannot hear her end of the conversation.)

Man: *phone rings* “Oh, hello, honey. What’s up?” *wife speaks* “Oh, I am just out.” *wife speaks* “I just had some things to do.”

(His wife speaks a little louder.) 

Man: “Yeah, I know it’s my day off. I just had some things to get!”

(His wife speaks, if possible, louder.) 

Man: “All right, all right, all right! Woman, I’m getting you a birthday present!”

(There is silence for a moment before she speaks again.) 

Man: “No, I’m not going to tell you what it is!… No… No… NO!… If you keep guessing I am putting it back.”

(The kitten decides to meow at him at that moment. There is silence, and then an audible squeal comes out of the phone. He sighs.)

Man: “I will see you soon.” *hangs up* “So much for surprises.”

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Can You Smell The Love Tonight, Part 20

, , , , | Romantic | August 5, 2019

My husband is incredibly polite and a bit insecure and embarrassed about his body, so every time he has to fart around me it is followed by a minute or two of apologies and embarrassment. I have tried everything I can to make him feel more comfortable with it because it is a normal human thing and I’m grateful he is polite about it, but he should never feel gross or embarrassed.

One night he was asleep — he talks in his sleep and sometimes does things or walks, as well — and he farted… what followed was him feeling around in the dark for my hand and high-fiving me super hard. 

Just glad he found his confidence! 

Somehow me laughing my butt off for five minutes didn’t wake him up.

Can You Smell The Love Tonight, Part 19
Can You Smell The Love Tonight, Part 18
Can You Smell The Love Tonight, Part 17

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