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Someone’s Not Getting Any Tonight, Part 2

, , | Right | August 2, 2008

Lady: “Hey, we’ve heard that there might be some kind of oil something on this boat…”

Me: “Sure, let me check.” *checks* “Come and look–your oil reservoir is almost completely empty. You should fill it immediately, and it will cost about $*.**.”

Lady: “Oh, that’s a lot. How far will that get us?”

Me: “All the way to the middle of the lake.”

Lady’s Husband: *laughs hysterically*


This story is part of the Boating roundup!

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I Scream, You Scream, We All Scream…

, , , | Right | July 22, 2008

Customer: “Oh, look at all this yummy gelato!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, the front row is gelato and the back row is ice cream.”

Customer: “Okay, I want butter pecan.”

(Butter pecan is in the back row, so it’s an ice cream. I scoop it for her.)

Customer: “Well, this is just delicious. Do you have any regular ice cream and not gelato?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. Like I said before, the back row is ice cream.”

Customer: *stops eating suddenly* “What? But I wanted gelato!”

Me: “Ma’am, I told you which ones were the gelatos. I can get you something else.”

Customer: “But, but, but I wanted gelato!”

Customer’s Husband: “Quit your b****in’. I’ll eat it at home.”


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I’m Sensing Something Cylindrical And… Swedish

, , , , | Right | June 27, 2008

(I work at an adult novelty shop. A man and a woman come into the store together, obviously a pair. The man comes to the front counter, pays for a sex toy (think of the first Austin Powers movie) and leaves. A bit later, the woman comes up to the front desk.)

Woman: “Have you seen my husband?”

Me: “Ooooh. Um. I think he just left.”

Woman: “Oh, really?” *gets on her cellphone* “Hey, honey! Forget something!?”

(A few moments later, the front door flies open and the man sulks in, meets back up with his wife, and they both leave together.)

Coworker: “I’m glad he came back for her. I don’t think she’d fit in the lost-and-found.”

My Husband, The Mind Reader

, , , | Right | May 31, 2008

(I am almost done making a customer’s sandwich and I ask if she would like anything else on it…)

Lady: “Yeah, just put whatever else you normally put on it.”

Me: “Well, I can put on whatever you want me to put on. We don’t have anything that we put on every sandwich. In fact, most are rarely ever the same.”

Lady: “Look, you don’t have to get smart! Just put whatever else you put on it.”

Me: “Well, what do you want on it?”

Lady: “That stuff that you always put on these!”

Me: “If you just say what it is you want, I will put it on for you.”

Lady: “That stuff you always put on it!”

(The lady’s husband walks over.)

Lady’s Husband: “She wants pepper.”

Ah, Marriage

, , , , | Right | May 27, 2008

Me: “Hi, welcome to [Pizza Restaurant], would you like to hear about our specials?”

Customer: “I was wondering if you could make your Delite pizzas in the family size.”

Me: “I apologize, but we only serve the Delite pizzas in the large.”

Customer: “… but I want the Delite in the family size.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but the thin crust only comes in the large size.”

Customer: “I don’t want the large size! I want the family!”

(I hear her husband yelling at her in the background.)

Customer’s Husband: “She already told you they don’t make it in the family size!”

Customer: “I know that. But I want the family size.”

Customer’s Husband: “JUST GET THE LARGE!”

(The couple continues to argue for a minute or so before I interrupt them.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but is there something else we could get you?”

Customer: “NO! I DON’T WANT YOUR GODD**N PIZZA!” *slams down phone*


This story is part of our Bickering Couple roundup!

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