(My friends and I go out to a pretty good bar and restaurant for dinner. There’s a baseball game on and the place is pretty crowded, but we don’t mind the fans. We sit down and our waitress comes over.)

Waitress: “Hi there. How’s it going? You guys excited for the [Team] tonight?”

Me: “Nah, we don’t really watch sports.”

Waitress: *shocked* “Oh? Then what brings you out tonight?”

Friend: “Uh, we like food?”

(We’re warming up for a wrestling tournament when we hear another team’s chant.)

Their Coach: *looking like he’s done with life* “Are we gonna get bopped today?!”

Their Team: *mumbles*

Their Coach: “COME ON! I said, ‘ARE THEY GONNA BOP US?!’”

Their Team: “YEAH!”

Their Coach: “ARE WE GONNA LET THEM BOP US?!”

Their Team: “NO!”

(We won more than 80% of the matches. Most enthusiastic loss I’ve ever witnessed.)

(In anatomy and physiology lab we are learning about the skeletal structure.)

Professor: “And this is the collar bone. Which quarterback broke his this past weekend?”

Me: “Aaron Rodgers.”

Professor: “Yeah, so, basically, the Packers are screwed for the season.”

(The professor then goes on a rant about why Rodgers is out for the season, and about recovery of collar bone breaks.)

Professor: “You know, since the Packers’ season is over, we should be, too. Class dismissed.”

(I am an usher at a sports arena. During a game, two teenage girls with signs saying it is their first game catch a ball. A few seconds later, two kids run down from seats five rows behind the girls and ask them for the ball. When the two girls refuse, their section turns on them.)

Man: “Give the kids the ball! They’re kids! What’s it to you?”

Girl #1: “It’s our first game! We caught the ball; we want it!”

Women: “Gosh, you girls are b****es!”

Girl #2: “What the h*** is wrong with you people? If we won the lottery and two kids demanded our winnings would we be forced to give them to them? We caught this ball fairly! What the f***?!”

(A man in the row behind them ripped the ball out of their hands and gave it to the kids, who ran back to their mom. Their mom smirked at the teenagers and patted her kids on the head. Now, I have been in this arena for seven years and, as such, have the respect of my manager and staff. During intermission, my manager came over to check in on me and I told him what happened. My manager’s sister is a supervisor in guest service, and with some strings pulled, she got them two balls and vouchers for hotdogs, and moved them out of their area as their section was still angry with them. Obviously, it was not the same as getting the ball the girls had caught, but they still got balls out of it.)

Coworker #1: *reading an article about American Football player Rob Gronkowski* “‘It’s looking like a very Merry Gronkmas. New England Patriots tight end debuted a new ugly sweater that features a photo of him spiking a Christmas present.’ Apparently there’s a contest where you can win a dinner with him and a surprise guest, plus a bunch of signed memorabilia.”

Coworker #2: “I don’t care about the memorabilia; I’d just take the dinner with him. He’s hot.”

(The conversation continues about Gronkowski and football. A few minutes later…)

Me: “Wait… is ‘tight end’ a football term?”

(Everyone laughs.)

Coworker #1: “Yes, it’s a hybrid position, like a wide receiver.”

Me: “Oh, I was thinking they were talking about Gronk’s ‘tight end.’”

Coworker #2: “Well, that’s a good description, too.”