Some Privates Should Remain Private

| Friendly | April 28, 2015

(One of our club volunteers, a courteous man of age, has lately been awarded a ribbon for his efforts. We read about it in a local newspaper while we all sit around.)

Volunteer: “It’s really better if you hear them saying it.”

Me: “Uh, okay. Certainly.”

Volunteer: “Here…” *fumbles with his smartphone*

Phone: *WHACK!*

Me: “…Haha, what’s that on your phone?”

Volunteer: *doesn’t answer, fumbles more*

Phone: *WHACK!*

Me: “You’re sure your phone is all right, hey?”

Volunteer: “Yeah, yeah…”

(He then hands me the phone, and for two minutes, we see and hear the video of the speech. Directly after it, the phone plays a short video of a woman getting some private parts slapped in her face… going with this ‘whack!’ sound.)

Everyone: *awkward stare*

Someone: “Sooo… [My Name]… How was your holiday?”

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That’s Onesie For The Books

| Friendly | December 18, 2014

(At a costumed competition of my sports club, I overhear a young Dutch girl who is trying to talk her teammates into getting fancy costumes for next year.)

Girl: *in Dutch* “Oh, my god! We should SO get ‘oh-nay-sees’ for next year!”

(She meant onesies…)

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