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More Pressing Issues

| Right | September 15, 2011

(I am a female employee at a sporting goods store. A elderly male with a noticeable limp comes in.)

Me: “Hello, can I help you find anything?”

Customer: “Yes. I need something for support.”

Me: “Oh, yes, we keep all of the supporters on this wall.”

(I indicate the various supporters: knees, shins, etc. He begins to look at the different kinds, before picking up a simple knee strap that is basically a thin velcro band. He opens and examines it.)

Customer: “So this just straps around?”

Me: “Yes, sir. It’s got velcro on the back so you can adjust the size and fasten it.”

(There is a long pause as he looks like he’s trying to figure out how it works.)

Customer: “So, how does this protect the testicles?”

(I promptly direct him towards the cups and find a male employee to help him.)

The Hazards Of Playing In Water

, , , , | Right | May 10, 2011

Me: “Hello, sir. Welcome to [Golf Equipment Store]; how may I help you?”

Customer: “Where can I find the swimming pool equipment?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. We only manage golf equipment.”

Customer: “Yeah, yeah, but where’s the stuff for the pool? I mean, like filters and those tube-y things that float.”

Me: “Sir, we only sell golf equipment. Golf clubs, golf balls, and the like. We do not sell swimming pool equipment, only golf.”

Customer: “What kind of golf store doesn’t have swimming pool stuff?!”


This story is part of our Golf roundup!

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Some Behavior Is Beyond Brief

, , , , , | Right | January 7, 2011

(I am a saleswoman who finished organizing the men’s underwear about 10 minutes before a customer walks in.)

Me: “Hello, ma’am, can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I need [pair of underwear] in a size medium.”

Me: “I am terribly sorry, but we are out of that particular size in that brand.”

Customer: “No, I do not believe you. Can you not check?”

Me: “I can assure you I organized the underwear not too long ago, but I would love to check for you. If we do not have it, I can order it for you.”

(I recheck, and the underwear is not there.)

Me: “I am sorry, ma’am, would you like me to order it for you?”

Customer: “No, I will go somewhere else.”

(As she leaves, she passes by my manager.)

Customer: *whispering loudly* “Do you know your female employee spends her free time in men’s underwear?”

Manager: “Do you know I make her?”


This story is part of the Underwear roundup!

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One Mother, One Cup

, , , , | Right | November 10, 2010

Customer: “Hi I need to return this.” *hands over an opened and clearly worn jock cup*

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, this is a completely non-returnable item.”

Customer: “I called and you said your return policy is thirty days with receipt.”

Me: “That’s except for jocks and mouth-guards. Cashiers tell you at the time of purchase that they’re completely non-returnable.”

Customer: “Well, I didn’t understand. So, there’s nothing you can do for me?”

Me: “I’m sorry. It’s store policy based on our health-code.”

Customer: “Well, how was I supposed to know that my little boy would have such a big wee-wee?” *grabs her very embarrassed-looking son and leaves*


This story is part of the Embarrassing Parents roundup!

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Literally Going Nowhere

, , , , , , | Right | September 7, 2010

Me: “Hi, ma’am, what can I help you with today?”

Customer: “It’s this stupid GPS watch that I bought. What a big waste of money!  It doesn’t even work.”

Me: “What’s the problem with it?”

Customer: “It shows the time, but not now how far I ran. I was running on the treadmill for over thirty minutes!”


This story is part of the More-Extra-Stupid-Customers roundup!

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