(I work in a small sporting goods store where we allow customers to demo certain products before purchase. They sign a form agreeing to bring them back within a week or be subject to late fees. This customer slipped through the cracks and was 4 weeks late. I decided to call and give him one day to return our products before we charged him.)

Me: “Hello, sir! My name is [My Name]. I’m calling from [Company]. I’m calling about a couple of demos you have out from us.”

Customer: “Hmm? Oh, yes! I do have those!”

Me: “Yes, sir. You are actually four weeks late on returning them. I wanted to remind you that our store policy is to charge your card for late returns, but if you can get them back to me by the end of tomorrow, I won’t charge you for it.”

Customer: “Oh, ok. I was actually going to buy one of them.” *he proceeds to tell me which one* “How much does it cost?”

Me: “The price on that one is $189.00.”

Customer: “Oh, wow. And can I have a discount on that?”

(We ask for ID when the credit or debit card purchase is over 15 dollars. This customer’s total is $97.94.)

Me: “Perfect, red for credit or type in the pin if it’s a debit card.”

(The customer selects credit.)

Me: “All right. Can I see your ID, please?”

Customer: “Why the h*** do you need to see that?”

Me: “To verify that the card matches the purchaser, sir.”

Customer: “That’s why credit cards exist,boy! So that I can purchase whatever I want without ID! That’s how the world works son, isn’t it?”

Me: “Well, sir, how do I know it’s you and not somebody stealing your card?”

Customer: “Because it’s me! Nobody stole my card, did they?! I’m the one buying this right now with this card!”

Me: “I would have no idea of knowing that unless I saw your Identification…”

(He then gave me his ID and was very pleasant for the rest of the transaction. But I guess I learned how the world worked?)

(My supervisor is filling in for a cashier. A customer checking out hands him a coupon from one of our competitor stores. Corporate has recently told us we can only match it if we have a similar coupon running, which we don’t for this one.)

Customer: “You ALWAYS take competitor coupons!”

Supervisor: “Unfortunately, sir, we can’t honor this one.”

Customer: “Well, what’s stopping me from taking this coupon and buying this same item from THEIR store?”

Supervisor: “What a novel idea.”

(The customer walked out without another word.)

(I am a customer. I witness an argument at one of the tills over a false label on an expensive cricket set. It appears as though the label has been attached by the customer. It is obviously written in green felt tip and not real.)

Customer: “Why won’t you give me the discount?”

Employee: “Because this is obviously a fake label.”

Customer: “HOW DARE YOU ACCUSE ME OF BEING A SCAM ARTIST! GET ME YOUR MANAGER!”

(The employee fetches a manager.)

Manager: “Sir, we are not going to sell you a set that costs £189.99 for only £15. This is obviously not a real label.”

(The customer takes a bat out of the pack and raises it in a threatening motion.)

Customer: “GIVE IT TO ME FOR FREE OR I’LL BREAK YOUR SKULLS!”

(Suddenly, out of nowhere, a random customer who is just walking past grabs the bat. He moves it round the unruly customer’s shoulder, flooring the bad customer and disarming him in one motion. The random customer goes right up to his face.)

Random Customer: “Buddy, you ain’t gonna get s*** unless you calm down and learn to be an honest man instead of a p***k. F*** off.”

(The unruly customer gets up and runs off, only to be grabbed by security and arrested a few minutes later. The good customer was given a £100 gift card and was even offered a job as a security guard! He declined, saying it was his duty to be a good citizen. I found out he was an ex-colonel in the British army and had been in tougher situations than that.)

(I’m a customer buying ski boots at a store, when I over hear a conversation between another customer and a clerk.)

Customer: “Yes, I bought these ski boots a week ago, but they are faulty!”

Clerk: “I’m sorry about that, what seems to be the problem with them?”

Customer: “These locks won’t hold; they keep opening up!”

Clerk: “Would you let me see the boots, please?”

(The customer hands to the boots to the clerk, and he fastens the locks and can’t find anything wrong with them.)

Clerk: “I’m sorry, miss; the locks seem to work all fine. Could you explain more how they won’t hold?”

Customer: “Well of course they hold when you put them so tight to third position! Put them to first position and you’ll see! They won’t hold locked!”

Clerk: “But wouldn’t the ski boots be too loose for you to wear then?”

Customer: “Just put the locks to the first position and you’ll see!”

(The clerk puts the locks to the first position, and they do ‘fall off’.)

Customer: “See, these are faulty!”

Clerk: “But miss, these locks are used to fasten the boot around your foot. They are supposed to be put tight and not left loose.”

Customer: “But if I want to wear them on the first position, I should be able to do that! Why is there the first position anyway, if I can’t use it, huh? You tell me why? I won’t get full usage for my money if I can’t use all the positions!”

Clerk: “Every person has a little bit different sized feet and that’s why the locks are adjustable. The point is not to use all the positions of the lock but to adjust the ski boot to match your feet.”

Customer: “But what if I want to use the first position? Now I can’t; these boots are faulty!”

Clerk: “I can take these back if you wish, but I have to tell you that you will have the exact same problem with every other ski boot, too. The idea is to find the adjustment good for your feet, not to use all the positions.”

Customer: “I want to return these, they’re faulty! You should be ashamed of yourselves selling this kind of faulty items!”

(I can’t help giggling, and the other customer gives me some nasty glances. The customer then takes a call, I presume from her boyfriend/husband.)

Customer: “They’re taking the boots back, but are you sure this is right? The other customers are laughing at me… Of course hun… Yeah I know, they probably don’t know anything about skiing. I’m glad the fault was found this quickly. I can’t believe they would sell something like this. Okay, I gotta go; the clerk’s coming back.”

Clerk: “Here’s your money miss. And I’m sorry you weren’t satisfied with the product.”

Customer: “Well, you should be. But thanks, anyway. I’ll go buy my boots somewhere else!”

(The customer then turns and leaves. The clerk and I have a laugh at the story. I reserve the boots until next day for myself. They are really good, but I still want to try some other boots, too. I go to another sporting store and I see the same customer in there. She is giving them a hard time about the lock positions. She accuses the clerk of being incompetent, and that her boyfriend knows everything about skiing, and that she should be able to use which ever position she wants on the locks.)