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Can’t Be Flexible With A**-Holes

| Oakville, ON, Canada | Bizarre

(I work on the sales floor of a running shoe store chain that also sells other sporting goods. A very agitated customer and his wife walk in.)

Customer: “I demand to see the manager! I need help!”

Me: “We currently don’t have a manager on staff right now, but I’m happy to help you.”

Customer: “Fine. I need flexible shorts!”

Me: “Can you be a little more specific?”

Customer: “I am being specific. Do you not understand the word flexible?!”

(I start showing the guy our shorts. The store is quite busy and my other coworkers are busy with customers, but both shoot me concerned glances.)

Customer: “None of these are flexible!”

Me: “Are you looking for something tight or stretchy? Spandex perhaps?”

Customer: “No! Flexible!”

(I consider asking him if he would like to see our selection of chain-mail shorts, but I reconsider.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but these are all the men’s shorts we have.”

Customer: “Fine! Screw this!”

(He promptly left, dragging his wife with him. She gave me an apologetic look on the way out. The guy hadn’t been in the store for more than a few minutes.)

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The Kind Of Shoe For A Kind Person

| Aberdeen, Scotland, UK | Awesome Customers

(I’m an 18-year-old girl and I’ve been working at a sporting goods store for around a month, working in the shoe department. I’m approached by a short, balding man who looks to be in his fifties. All shoes come with a number code in which you need to find them in the stock-room. The code is stored on stickers inside the display shoes, but occasionally there won’t be one for any number of reasons. Because there are three floors – basement and two stock floors – all employees are required to have a walkie-talkie.)

Customer: “Good afternoon, young lady! I was wondering if you could possibly get me this shoe in a size [number]?”

(The store has four stock rooms, two on the ground floor and two on the top as most of our sporting shoes are upstairs. This particular shoe is upstairs, meaning I have to radio my colleague.)

Me: “Certainly, sir! Let me see. Ah, there’s no code. Could you show me where you found it?”

Customer: “Of course, just over here on the wall!”

(At this point I realise it’s the last shoe we have, and it’s a few sizes too large. I explain this and the customer laughs.)

Customer: “No problem, miss.”

Me: “Is there anything else I can get for you?”

Customer: “Actually, I had a question. This shoe—” *he points to one of our more expensive brands* “—here, if I showed you a magic trick, could I get a discount?”

Me: *laughing* “I’m afraid not, sir.”

Customer: “Hmm, all right. What if I told a funny joke? Could I get a discount?”

Me: “I’m not sure my manager would appreciate that, but a joke might cheer me up!”

(He proceeds to tell a rather unfunny joke that I heard at school, but it does make me laugh because of its simplicity.)

Customer: *grinning* “See! You laughed! Discount?”

Me: *laughing and shaking my head* “I’m afraid not, sir!”

(This goes back and forth for around ten minutes before he finally finds a comfortable shoe. I pride myself on being a very chatty person who loves to smile, as retail is my favourite place to work despite its drawbacks, and the customer picks up on this. As part of our job we are required to sell branded shoes with the same brand of trainer as proof that we are competent at our job, and we must sell insoles and half-soles with shoes, which gets us extra money every month. Not only does the customer buy two of both, the only reason he didn’t buy socks was because he didn’t purchase the correct brand.)

Customer: “But you’ve been so patient and helpful; how could I possibly repay you?! Do you have a card I could fill out? Maybe a tip I can give you?”

(The customer pauses and thinks for a second, while I radio my manager to find out any way he can say thank you. The only option is an online survey, but the customer has no access to a computer. Part of our policy is to walk any stockroom-shoes to the till for the customer as those shoes aren’t tagged and can be stolen. I start walking towards the tills with his box and other items and place it on the rack. As I’m walking back, the customer gently catches my wrist and smiles.)

Customer: “Would you perhaps go on a date with me?”

Me: *holding back surprised laughter* “I’m sorry, sir, but I’m afraid I have to say no. My boyfriend might have something to say about that!”

Customer: “Aw, that’s a shame! Well I hope you have a wonderful day, miss! See you around! What’s your name?

Me: “My name is [My Name], sir.”

Customer: “I’ll ask for you personally next time I’m in!”

Me: “Why, thank you, sir! I hope you have a good week!”

(I’d had a string of rude customers that day, including one who actually threw a shoe at me, and that customer made my entire week! My boss even congratulated me, as he hadn’t had someone ask for an in-store way to say thank you in a while. It gave me and my mother a good laugh when I got home! I haven’t seen him since as I moved to a new city soon after, but I don’t think I’ll ever forget the short half hour I spent with him. Thank you!)

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The Gift Card That Keeps On Giving

| Lafayette, LA, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Popular

(Most purchases at my store are usually between $100 and $300. The higher purchases are usually for firearms and ammunition. Customers can place any amount they want on our gift cards, but those amounts usually vary between $20 and $100. One day, a customer comes up to my register with a cart full of fishing gear, including two $300 coolers. I ring him up.)

Me: “That’ll be [amount over $1500].”

(He smiles and hands me a gift card. He has a whole stack of them in his hands. I hold out my hand for the rest, but he holds onto the stack. I scan the first card, which takes $250 off his purchase.)

Me: “Okay, you owe [amount over $1250].”

(He smiles and hands me a second card.)

Me: Okay, now you owe [amount over $1000].

(He smiles and hands another card.)

Me: “[Amount over $750].”

(I am gathering a stack of used gift cards on top of my register at this point, and we’re only halfway through the stack still in his hands. He hands me the next card.)

Me: “[Amount over $500].”

(He hands me another card.)

Me: “[Amount over $250].”

(He hands me his second-to-last card.)

Me: “[Amount around $50.]”

(He hands me his last card. By this point, we’re both laughing.)

Me: “And you have [amount around 200] left on this card.” *I hand him his last gift card and a receipt.* “Have a good one!”

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