Don’t Get (La)Cross With The Innuendo

, , , , , | Romantic | April 14, 2019

(I’m not particularly interested in sports, while my boyfriend happens to be an athletic trainer. I have just brought him some fast food to a men’s lacrosse game he is working.)

Boyfriend: “So, do you understand how lacrosse is played?”

Me: “Sure! These boys have to score by handling their shafts while running down the field cradling the balls!”

Boyfriend: “…”

Me: “…”

Boyfriend: “…”

Me: *smiles sweetly*

Boyfriend: “Butthead.”

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Snack Shack Attack

, , | Right | March 21, 2019

(My dad is the president of the baseball league and as such, I spend a lot of time at the baseball field. I often work in our snack shacks. I’m with my younger sister’s friend, working when this happens. An older woman comes up with a young boy who I assume is her grandson.)

Me: “Hello, ma’am, how can I help you today?”

Customer: “One minute!”

(She then spends five minutes pointing out each of our snack options to her grandson and then telling him he won’t like them without consulting him. He then meekly says he wants pretzels. The lady rolls her eyes.)

Customer: “Fine.” *she grabs a bag*

Me: “That will be a dollar, please.”

(The lady starts laughing, half hysterically, half mocking. She stops and realizes I’m not joking.)

Customer: “I know you people want money, but fifty cents would be enough!”

(She pays and storms off.)

Sister’s Friend: “What just happened?”

Me: “H*** if I know.”

(For reference, we bought our snacks in bulk. Pretzels ended up costing us about fifty cents per bag. This insane lady didn’t understand that we were selling the pretzels cheap compared to actual stores.)

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Alcohol Makes You Flirt With Danger

, , , , | Right | November 5, 2018

(My high school choir works concessions for home games and I usually take cash from the customers and hand back change. While I do get flirted with a bit, especially by the younger, drunk customers, this one just takes the cake. I take his order and hand back his change.)

Drunk Customer: “So, what are you doing after this?”

Me: “Going home.”

Drunk Customer: “Not going to tailgate some?”

Me: “No, especially since I’m not old enough.”

Drunk Customer: “Okay. Wait, how old is not old enough?”

(At this point, I drop the polite customer service voice I’d been using and speak as if to a small child.)

Me: “I’m. Not. Legal.”

Drunk Customer: “Oh. OH! Sorry, I’m a little drunk.”

(Yeah, I noticed that.)

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Pop Goes Their Chance Of Getting One

, , , , , | Friendly | October 18, 2018

(My friend invites me to a sports day held by his work, mainly because I have a car so I can drive him up. As it is the middle of summer, I pack a small cooler with some drinks for us, and I throw in a package of “freezie pops,” as well. We meet up with some other friends who also work there, and we are sharing the freezie pops between us when a woman walks up, followed by two kids.)

Woman: “Where did you get those?” *pointing at the freezie pops*

Me: “Oh, we actually brought them ourselves, since we figured it would be so hot. Do–”

Woman: *cutting me off* “We’ll take four.”

Me: *pausing, then plastering on a big smile* “Sorry, we only brought enough for us.”

(At that, the woman makes to lunge at the cooler, but I block her path with my body.)

Me: “Ex-cuse you!”

(She huffs, then stomps away as her kids begin whining about not getting freezie pops.)

Me: *opening up the cooler to reveal the dozen or so freezie pops we have left* “So, anyone want seconds?”

(Seriously, I’d been about to offer that woman some, but not with that kind of attitude. It’d be one thing if she asked nicely, but with just that demand, there was no way I was giving her squat.)

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Not Caught With Your Pants Down

, , , , , | Friendly | August 30, 2018

(I am a twenty-year-old woman and I recently went to a professional baseball game and bought a jersey there. I like jerseys that are loose and somewhat baggy, so the one I bought is a little long on me. During the middle of the game I go to get something to drink and I am waiting at the top of the stands to be let back down to my seat. A woman in her 60s or 70s has been glaring at me the entire time I’ve been standing there, but I don’t think anything of it. When a twelve-year-old boy walks up to wait, she storms off and returns with a security guard.)

Woman: *points at me* “There she is, Officer! I want her arrested right now!”

(Everyone is staring at me, and the security guard looks very confused.)

Security Guard: “Her? Um, for what, exactly?”

Woman: “For public indecency! Look at her! She isn’t wearing any pants! And with a child right next to her!”

Boy: “Child?! I’m almost 13!”

Me: “Um, excuse me, but I have pants on; I’m wearing shorts. My jersey is long, so it covers them up. See?” *lifts my jersey up to show her that I AM wearing shorts*

Woman: “Oh, um…”

Security Guard: *turns to the woman* “Ma’am, I think you’d better return to your seat.”

(I told my boyfriend what happened when I got back to my seat. He couldn’t stop laughing at the idea of someone thinking I would walk around a public stadium full of thousands of people with no pants on!)

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