H2O Becomes H2-Why?

, , , , | Learning | August 25, 2019

(I am and have been a referee for two years. One thing I must watch for is if a goalie brings his/her water bottle to the goal with them in case they get thirsty during the game, and make sure the water bottle is behind the goal and out of the way. I am an assistant referee for this game and don’t notice the goalie has done this. The ball ends up hitting her water bottle. Of course, the team I am refereeing is U11 girls, so I don’t expect them to know this law, fully blaming myself for not telling her. During a water break, I politely tell the goalie to make sure she puts her water behind the goal so it doesn’t get hit by the ball.)

Me: “Hey, keeper, make sure you put your water behind he goal so it doesn’t get hit.”

(The goalie nods and does as I asked. A few minutes later, I notice what looks like her grandpa walk over to her and ask her something I couldn’t hear. She replies to him loud enough for me to make out.)

Goalie: “She told me to put it behind the goal so it doesn’t get hit.”

(The grandpa then mumbled something and walked to her water bottle, picked it up, and brought it over to the other side of the goal — opposite of me — and placed it so I couldn’t see it. I just sighed and knew I couldn’t do anything about it. The second half rolled around. The bottle got hit TWICE MORE. Please, listen to referees.)

1 Thumbs

Dancing Up The Alphabet

, , , , | Right | August 21, 2019

(The large racing complex where I work has been completely rented out for an event with several thousand attendees. There are a number of different activities for attendees, and I am the sole person passing out ride tickets for the small racetrack I am at. You cannot get on track without a ticket listing your alphabetical group, since there are a limited number of vehicles available for each run, and we have a relatively small number of total rides possible compared to the number of attendees. With a non-stop line forming as soon as we open, people quickly have long wait times between getting a ticket and running their race. Because of this, many attendees try to wheedle their way into an earlier group – but this trio of 20-something guys was my favorite!)

Customer #1: “So, what’s the deal here?”

Me: “Well, I give you guys tickets, and when you hear the letter on the back of your ticket over the PA, you’ll head down to our grid to race. Our next available race is Group W.”

Customer #1: “What group are you on right now?”

Me: “I just called Group E down. The wait is over an hour.”

Customer #1: “Whoa! Is there any way we can go earlier?”

Me: “I’m afraid not. I have a single ticket available for Group T, but if you want to run together, you’ll have to wait until W.”

Customer #2: *flashes a friendly smile* “What if I did a dance? Would that get us in earlier?”

Me: *trying to maintain my composure, but some of my laughter is creeping into my voice* “I’m sorry, sir. Much as I would love to let you in earlier for dancing, I don’t have any earlier open spots.”

Customer #3: “He really is a good dancer!”

Customer #1: *laughing* “We’ll take three tickets for W, thanks.”

(After nonstop customers, and a number of shocked and upset reactions to the wait time, these guys gave me a funny moment I desperately needed!)

This story is part of our Dancing roundup!

Read the next Dancing roundup story!

Read the Dancing roundup!

1 Thumbs

The Ticket To A Fun Afternoon

, , , , , | Hopeless | July 22, 2019

(My husband and I are visiting America for the first time and are in Saint Louis. While at the top of the Gateway Arch, we see that a baseball game is starting in the nearby Busch Stadium so we make an impromptu decision to go to the game. Just as we approach the ticket desk, a couple intercepts us.)

Couple: “Are you going to buy tickets for the game?”

Me: “Uh, yeah.”

Couple: “We’re season ticket holders and we upgraded our tickets for tonight’s game. They let us keep our old tickets, so you can have ours for free.”

Me: *trying to decide how this scam works* “Oh, I dunno.”

Couple: “We’ll be honest with you; they’re not great seats, but it saves you buying tickets.”

Me: *still unsure and wishing I was psychic so I could read my husband’s mind*

Couple: *laughs* “I know you probably think we’re scamming you. Put it this way: if the tickets are valid, you can watch the game and hopefully have a good time. If the tickets are fake, they just won’t let you in but you haven’t spent any money so no loss. We just heard your accent and wanted to do something nice while you’re visiting us.”

Me: “Okay, let’s give it a shot. Are you sure you don’t want anything for the tickets?”

Couple: “Absolutely not. Enjoy!”

(With that, the couple gave us the tickets and disappeared before we could get their details. The tickets were valid and, to us, the seats were fantastic. We had a great view of all the action and really enjoyed the game. It’s one of my favourite stories to tell from our trip and it really made our day.)

1 Thumbs

Not A Fan Of Their Reaction

, , , , , | Friendly | July 9, 2019

(For many years, I am a boundary umpire for a local football — i.e. Australian Rules — league. As anyone who follows sport knows, fans like to make their opinions known to the umpires and referees. One of the more memorable exchanges happens as I am coming off the field after a close-fought game that ended with the home side losing.)

Fan: “I just want to say what a good job you did out there today…”

Me: “Thank you.”

Fan: “…because it’s obvious that the league told you to make sure that [Team] lost! And you did a d*** good job!”

1 Thumbs

When Life Gives You Gay Lemons…

, , , , , | Right | June 21, 2019

(I work in a lemonade stand inside of a college football stadium, so, therefore, most of our customers are drunk college boys. We have two flavors: regular and sugar-free pink lemonade.)

Customer: “What kind of lemonade do you have?”

Me: “Well, we have regular and pink, which is sug—“

Customer: *cuts me off mid-sentence* “That’s gay! I’m not drinking pink lemonade. That’s gay!

1 Thumbs