The Sisterhood Of The Pee-In-My-Pants

| Working | August 15, 2013

(I go to a game with my dad and younger sister. Dad goes to the bathroom, and tells me to also take my sister before the game starts.)

Employee: “Excuse me! Excuse me! You two! Young ladies! Sit down!”

Me: “Sorry?”

Employee: “I can’t let you two go off on your own!”

Me: “But I’m 18, ma’am. And she’s my sister.”

Employee: “I can’t let you go off without your dad. It’ll be embarrassing for him if you two disappear.”

Me: “First of all, I’m 18. Here’s my ID to prove it, so I can go wherever I want. Second of all, my dad told me to take my sister. Third of all, we have cell phones, so we can call each other if anything happens. I’m going.”

Employee: “Take another step and I’ll call security!”

Me: “Do you have a rule that says I can’t take my sister to the bathroom?”

Employee: “Yes!”

Me: “Huh, I never saw that rule. Now if you don’t mind, my sister really needs to pee.”


Me: “Why are you doing that?!”

Employee: “I can’t let you two leave! If you were my kids, I’d make you wait for me!”

Me: “We are not your kids! Now, either give me the part of your policy that says I can’t take my sister to the bathroom, or get out of my way.”

Security: *grabs my sister and me* “What are you two doing?”

Employee: “They’re causing a scene!”

Onlooker #1: “No, they’re not! This girl is 18, and she wants to take her sister to the bathroom, and this lady won’t let her!”

Employee: “They were making threats! Call the police!”

Onlooker #2: “No, they weren’t. They were just going until your employee got in their way. That girl’s 18, and she should be allowed to go. Besides, look, there are younger kids going on their own!”

Security: *to employee* “Was that what happened?”

Employee: “Yeah! But we have a policy that says they can’t go on their own if they’re under 18! Tell them!”

Security: “No, there isn’t. And she’s 18. You can’t stop them. If anything, she can report you now for unlawful interference with patrons.”

Employee: “Well, they still shouldn’t go on their own!”

Security: *to us* “I’m so sorry, girls. Go ahead, and tell us if she bothers you again. You can file a complaint on our website.” *to employee* “I’m going to report this to your supervisor.”

(The employee gets a disciplinary action, and has to relearn their policy before she is allowed to go back to work! Now every time I go back, she has a dirty look reserved for me.)

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Give Peace A Sporting Chance

| Related | June 14, 2013

(My grandfather, uncle, and my uncle’s family are all St. Louis Cardinals fans. My grandmother, my dad, and our family are Chicago Cubs fans. The Cubs and Cardinals have a pretty big rivalry, but we get along just fine. We are leaving, and an old woman approaches us.)

Old Woman: “Excuse me, but are you all family?”

Dad: “Two families, but related.”

Old Woman: “And you get along just fine?”

Uncle: “Yeah.”

Old Woman: “It’s people like you that give me hope for world peace!”

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Refs -2, Player -4,530,503

, , , , | Right | April 13, 2009

(I work at an outdoor paintball field where the referees wear bright orange to differentiate ourselves from the players. Standing on the field, I start getting shot at. Patiently, I move and continue watching the game.)

Player: *to Coworker* “Ref! Ref! I shot that dude in the orange and he won’t get out!”

Coworker: “That’s because he’s a referee. Notice the orange?”

Player: “Oh… okay, so check THIS guy! I just shot him, too!”

Coworker: “That is ALSO a ref.”

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